Thursday, September 9, 2010

Whatever you do, don't drink the icky soap.

Yesterday evening, in the post-dinner rush (which is nothing like the pre-dinner rush, the pre-bedtime rush, the lunchtime rush, or the mid-morning rush, of course), Toddler mysteriously disappeared. I found her a short time later trying to wipe off her tongue with our kitchen towel. I followed her into the bathroom where she tried to wash out her mouth. When I asked her what was the matter, she informed me "soap icky." I agreed that yes, soap was icky, that she probably shouldn't eat it again in the future and went on my merry way. I know, I know, I probably should've been at least slightly concerned, but I had a Ralphie-esque from The Christmas Story picture running through my head enabling me to dismiss all worries ("It... It 'twas... soap poisoning!").

It wasn't until a couple of minutes later that I began to suspect a bigger problem. I picked Toddler up and noticed a distinct un-soap like smell on her breath so I told her to lead me to the "icky soap." Turns out what she decided to guzzle wasn't soap...but hand sanitizer.

big oops.

Figuring now was a good time for alarm, versus my usual live and let live mothering philosophy, I called in the cavalry...Poison Control (bless their hearts, they've been there for me countless times). We went through the stats: up to .5 oz of hand sanitizer (she emptied what was left in the bottle) of 63% ethyl alcohol in a 20-21lbs 22mo old (yes, she's small) equals what could possibly be one very drunk toddler. In the worst case scenario (where she drank everything left in the bottle), she would've had an alcohol blood level of .12something. To give all you other non-drinkers out there a reference point, the legal blood alcohol limit is .08. Let's just say she most likely would not pass the Walk Down The Line test. Brent (nice, non-judgmental Poison Control worker) told me to watch for staggering, extreme drowsiness, vomiting, or even table dancing.

As luck would have it, Scarlett had managed to spit out most of the hand sanitizer she put in her mouth and the aforementioned symptoms never came to pass (thank heavens). While she might have been a little tipsy (there was a lot of "ooo, look at the sky" wide-eyed moments going on), she was not, in fact, completely sloshed.

We'll have to leave the shirtless table dancing for some other time.

How about y'all? What's the craziest thing your kid has consumed?


  1. Let's see, where do I start? There was the time I found them playing in the Comet with the steak knives, the time they thought Claritin was candy, the times they drank children's tylenol and ibuprofen, the time my youngest stuck a pen into my Mr. Clean toilet gel cleaner-things and was going to town having a snack, last week the same child found a jug of bubbles and had a good chug before he realized it was nasty, then proceeded to rub it in his eyes. Of course there are always the raw eggs ("We're making breakfast, Momma!"), dog food, poop, and rotten food out of the trash. *Sigh* good times. How I love being a mom of boys! :D lol

  2. raw eggs, cloreseptic throat lozenges ( watch if he starts to turn blue or have abnormal heart arethmia...yikes!) "the blue sugar" aka oxy clean, 409, and countless others... thsoe are just the ones new in my head.. p.s. would have loved to see the table dancing, hopefully you would have gotten the walk a strait line part on video! :)

  3. Before I was a first grader (~5 y.o.) I went with my dad, his good friend Bob and Bob's younger brother Randy (age ~10), to hunt in Central Montana (several hours drive to somewhere). We got there very early in the morning it was still a little dark. I remember the men and the Rancher, on whose ranch they were hunting, left to go hunt and left us boys in the bunk house. They mentioned food and soda pop in the refrigerator. After a few hours, Randy thought it was time to get some pop. When he went to look he found several six-packs of Hamms Beer. Now all I knew about beer, and Hamms beer was that on TV there were funny ads with the Hamms Beer Bear. So when Randy suggested we drink some beer I figured it would be a fun thing… after all it was "from the land of sky blue waters...". I don’t remember much after that other than later in the day we went out on a small boat to fish in a large pond and Dad wouldn’t let me stand up. The next thing I remember and very clearly was the back seat of Bob’s car. It was a white car with red vinyl seats and red carpet. I was getting more and more sick to my stomach, then all that beer came back up all over the back seat and red carpet. For years after that Bob and Dad would mention how that car smelled like a brewery for the longest time. I also remember Randy was in big trouble… something about giving a little mormon boy beer…
    One more thing I know, even through high school the smell of beer made me queasy! So perhaps a blessing in disguise?

  4. Just this morning: my son was eating baby massage gel that smelled like lavender while trying to give his little sister Desitin. Then asked for more because it tasted good...

    Also, Lysol cleaning spray, a number of odd things in the kitchen when I've been cooking including an attempt at raw chicken (saved that one just in time). We won't even talk about the things my daughter finds to put in her mouth.

    Oh yah, also this morning, some gum that someone had dumped out all over the playground, no it wasn't chewed gum (although he has done that too), but still, gross.

  5. Ok, actually I can gloat here that my beasties don't eat/drink many toxic substances. Kinda lucky that way...

    One does come to mind when Josiah was younger (I think about 4) he was going to be a caveman and decided to forage for food. He ate a handful of purple berries...we called poison, but didn't know exactly what plant, so took it in to OSU botanists who let us know he would be a little sick...he was. Thankfully it was that particular plant and not another one in the same family-a handful would kill a bull.

    To this day, if I pretend to eat some random berry/plant, it wigs Jos out. ;)

  6. OH - Alabama Apples reminded me that my son got into Pokeweed once too. Called my Dad for that one and then watched him like a hawk the rest of the day, he was okay and I think he spit most of them out, must not have tasted that great.

  7. Speaking of toxic plants... remember the uproar that lasted for years with a mushroom between Jesse and Mack! I didn't think mack would ever get over that one...

  8. Pretty sure he hasn't even gotten over that one :P

  9. When I was two and my mom was pregnant w/ my brother the apt. complex decided to have a pool party. After a while mom noticed I was acting really funny. When I came over to her she noticed Coke and rum on my breath. After questioning the crowd mom had found out that I had "sipped" out of nearly everyone's cup. They thinking theirs was the only one I drank out of. Someone carried me to our apt, dad was in the field,Mom was was not able to lift anything. Mom said I was sick ALL NIGHT long. Can you imagine a 2 year old w/ a bad hang over the next morning?
    KeLei loved the smell of cigarettes when she was little and was always picking up cigarette butts.