what I miss most (part II)

You know what else I miss most about being single?

Flirting.

You see, I was a dang. good. flirt. I practically oozed hair flips, teasing smiles, and batting eyes from my pores, I swear it (ask Aubrey, she was there for it all). Being more then a bit of a coquette came so naturally to me, it might as well have been breathing. You see, not only was I good at it, but I absolutely loved doing it. Apparently, as the comments from my last what I miss most post led me to believe, so did a whole heck of a lot of you.

I adored the kind of flirting that Jennae mentioned in her comment, the casual flirting with the waiter, random guy at the store, etc. It was such a rush to know that someone found you funny, attractive, and put an extra bounce in my step (or should I say swing in my walk? ;). Then, of course, there was the more serious sort of flirting...the kind you did with a boyfriend or a friend you'd hope would become something more. That was the type of flirting where I pulled out all the stops. It was completely exhilarating...and often led to the type of butterfly-inducing make-out sessions that MeKayla and Liberty mentioned in their comments. The whole thing would just make me feel dazzling, beautiful, and witty. I would just sit back and soak the whole experience up like a sponge.

Now, for some reason, it's just not the same. Don't get me wrong, I'm still head-over-heels in love with my husband. He'll still occasionally chase me around the kitchen with water in his mouth and I've been known to put notes in his lunch (and not just to chew him out because he forgot to take out the garbage...again), but somehow the glitter of flirting is gone. I think, like Catherine alluded to in her comment, the surprise and suspense has pretty much gone...to the bedroom, that is ;) Not to be overt, but I think the fact that there is an actual ending to the game makes the whole thing a lot harder to play. I think I'm just less motivated to pull out my big flirting guns when I know that the end is going to be the same regardless of how hard I work to get it there. I like to hope, however, that maybe, just maybe I can bring this one back a little into things. Maybe a few more real live, out of the house dates and a few less TV shows while wearing pajamas might make a difference. A girl can dream, right?

I Need a Reminder

Blame it on the heat, the close age of my kids, the constant barrage of company, blame it on whatever you want; but things have been a bit rough. When things get a bit rough, I remind myself all that is good and well with the world, or in this case, motherhood. So here goes:

*The smiles and hugs first thing in the morning. The excitement of discovering their surroundings. The thrill (and terror) on their face the first time they roll over. The sound of their laughter. Pausing in my rush to examine a beetle, splash in a puddle, and chase a bird. Listening to the babble and squeals of delight of my children playing together. Rediscovering favorite childhood past times such as playing in the rain and PBJ sandwiches. Watching their faces light up when you come home, or walk into a room after being absent for a few seconds. Seeing the love in their eyes when they see their Daddy. Reading them books. Playing trains. Holding them in my arms. Walking hand-in-hand. Watching them sleep. Feeling like my heart is going to burst from too much love.

Date Night Dilemma

A friend and I have recently started up a casual babysitting swap. She has three kids, I have three kids, all roughly the same age who manage to get along as well as any 6 kids can, ages 5 and under. We have similar parenting styles, our kids have similar temperaments, not to mention similar schedules too. It's pretty much a match made in heaven. There has been one bump in the road that I didn't plan on, however...

What exactly is one suppose to do when given the chance to have a regular date night? For so long, darling husband and I have only really gone out for planned events (get-togethers, long-awaited movie releases, holidays, family events, that sort of thing). So, when left with a few hours on our own...we end up semi-stumped. There's the ever-present option of dinner out or a movie, but those get old quick (not to mention pricey). I used to think I loved window-shopping on dates, but that was until I had no money and realized window-shopping is not all that fun when you take the shopping part out of the equation. So, what's a girl to do?

What do y'all do on the rare kids-free evening? Also, if you are in the Kansas City area, are there any fun places specifically that you think are worth the occasional splurge? Really, any suggestions (or commiserations) would be greatly appreciated!

We are sowing, daily sowing...

I was attending our recent Stake Young Women Leadership Meeting*. While there, we sung the song We Are Sowing, to go along with the idea of how we are helping to grow a garden of strong, spiritual girls. Well, not only did this song remind me of young women...but my thoughts eventually led, as they typically do, to motherhood. The song starts with the line, "We are sowing, daily sowing Countless seeds of good and ill," then goes on to describe all the different places these seeds could be sown. There are the good places, like in "rich, brown furrows, Soft with heaven's gracious rain," and not so good places, like those "cast out in crowded places, trodden under foot of men."


It just reminded me that through the day, I'm sowing seeds inside my children, both with my harsh words and my gentle ones. When I teach my children of Jesus...and when I unintentionally teach my children that yelling is an appropriate way to express emotion. Sorry to be such a downer...but I was actually really comforted while singing the song, because the overall message of it is that even though our good seeds often fall on deaf ears, that some of them really do fall in fertile places...that if we ask the Lord to "bid thine angels guard the furrows Where the precious grain is sown," that he really WILL help us in our teaching of our children and in their ability to listen and learn. It's tough work being a mommy, especially since I often wonder if all my children will do is remember the yells and time-outs and forget the frequent hugs, giggles, and kisses...but this song reminded me that with the not-so-great seeds we sow, we also sow wonderful seeds, "sown in tears and love and prayer." At the end of the day, that's all I can really do. I can go to work in my garden of children and pray for the Lord to help my seeds take root, growing healthy and strong.


*For those of you not members of the LDS church, Young Women is our female version of your typical church youth group and our Stake is our church's organization in the area we live in.

Just don't call it Puppy Love

Lately, it seems I've been musing a lot on all my old high school flames. Not necessarily in the Brian Adams, Summer of '69, "Those were the best days of my life" sort of way, more of the Garth Brooks, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers" variety. I'll hear Blink 182's First Date (I know, I know, enough with the songs already) or someone who resembles an old boyfriend (I was at this tiny, hole in the wall, Chinese restaurant the other day and I saw some tall, skinny teenage boy who had a loping, swinging gait and it killed me how much he reminded me of my first love)...and I'll just remember. It's hard not to, I suppose, when you have all the typical high highs and low lows of teenagehood...and then some. You see, not only was I a serial dater, but I was the serial serious relationship kind of dater. I really, truly fell head over feet (nearly) every single time I professed I did.

I sometimes feel kind of sorry for the poor boys who wooed me so. They didn't know they were getting themselves stuck in a huge, boiling vat of tumultuous emotions. I know it's a cliche to say that girls are more emotionally mature then boys, but I'm still sayin' it. I was so much more ready for a Serious Commitment then the poor boys I fell for. So, when they said they loved me...I believed it. And then when they stopped saying it, I took it really, really, reeeealllly hard.

"So, what's your point?" some might ask. "Why the walk down memory lane?" Well, partly I just like to hear myself think out loud. But, aside from that, there are three conclusions I've come to in my recent musings on Exs.

#1. I'm really, really worried for my girls. I don't know if there are many mothers out there who stay up late at night worrying about when their toddler girls hit the dating years, but I do. They'll just be so vulnerable with their rose tinted glasses and their high, in the sky, apple pie hopes. And, well, teenage boys, with their raging hormones and just in the moment mentality, can be really (unintentionally or otherwise) cruel. I can only pray that my girls decide to ignore boys (other than the necessary Prom date, of course) for the entirety of their high school years. I have two very pretty, vivacious girls (if I do say so myself), so I know that's a slim chance. If they do decide to date and even *gasp* fall hard for a guy, I just hope they'll trust me to listen and allow me to help pick up the pieces of their spirit when it ends.

#2. Despite what it might sound like, I don't really regret 99% of those relationships. Here's another cliche for you, but I learned so much from those star crossed loves. Not only did I learn about relationships, but I learned all about myself and what I needed in the guy I was going to spend forever with. So, when I found a guy who was worth keeping, a guy who had the potential to be my better half, I kept him. There's a running joke in my family that I dragged my husband into marriage, kicking and screaming. While that's not mostly true, it's also not a complete falsehood, either. Basically I found a fabulous guy who actually thought I was kinda, sorta fabulous too and I hung on. I stuck it out and waited around for him to decide he wanted to marry me. I put up with all his temporary indecision because, after multiple doomed relationships, I knew I had found a guy worth waiting for.

Lastly...
#3. I'm really, reeeallly glad I'm on the other side of things. I'm glad that I can honestly say to all those poor, immature boys who crushed my heart under their converse-clad soles that I am so. happy. with how things ended up. That things are going smashingly for me. I have 3 beautiful, fabulous children who resemble my handsome husband, a husband that actually values me, who thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful...not to mention the fact that I look pretty darn good for having had 3 babies so close together. I loved those boys with all of my heart and soul, each and every one of them, but at the end of the day, I'm so, so, SO glad I didn't marry any of them.

How about y'all? Do you worry about your future teenage children? Any songs or sights that take you right back? Am I the only one who thinks about these sorts of things?