The Jelly Belly

Hip Hip Horray for another formspring question!  Here goes nothing...

I've got belly jelly (4 BIG babies worth of it) how on earth do I climb in bed and feel good rockin' my belly jelly, and not just be acutely aware of it's jiggle the whole time?!?

Well...isn't that the question of the day?

When Aubrey and I received this inquiry, I quickly called dibs on the chance to answer since I feel this falls into my particular specialty...let's just say I have the jiggliest, wrinkliest jelly belly this side of the Mississippi.  It really, truly is ugh-worthy, I promise.  No matter what I do, I just can't seem to shake the jello (pun intended ;).  After 4 babies, each one stretching things out a bit more, I've finally come to accept the fact that the wrinkly skin and loose muscle just isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

So...what's a girl to do now?  I've learned to tolerate my ever-present tummy-folds but toleration doesn't exactly foster sexual prowess and confidence au naturel.  Of course, there's all the usual answers:

• lingerie to cover up provocatively

• role-playing to help a girl pretend to still be a toned young thing

• denial in an attempt to ignore (la la la what jelly belly? la la la)

• and, of course, plain ol' fashioned leaving the lights off

While all valid answers, they're really just a band-aid, aren't they?  They cover things up, not help them heal.  Well, just like with an owie that's being covered a bit too often and a bit too tightly, sometimes it's just better to rip the band-aid off in one quick painful pull.  Which means...[cue scary music]

• leave the lingerie for the real special occasions (although, honestly, there's many a husband that will claim anytime he gets the rare summin' summin' post-baby is a special occasion)

• enjoy being you, the mother of your beautiful children and your husband's wife, rather then imagining you're someone and somewhere else

• not to mention, leave those darn lights on

In short...really, truly accept your body for what it is.  Heaven knows, I'm not claiming I've got this down, I can't even help cringing when I accidentally catch a glimpse of my one month postpartum belly in the mirror. I am, however, trying.  I'm attempting to believe my husband when he insists I'm gorgeous and oh-so-sexy.  I'm trying to view my stretch marks and wrinkles as battle scars in the war mommyhood wages on my body. And, five and a half years and four kids after I officially became a mom, I'm trying to love, not just tolerate or even accept, but love my body for the amazing things it's done and does everyday.  While it's still a bit of a struggle every time I climb into bed, I finally feel like I'm getting there.  I don't know if I can honestly claim I'm "rockin' my belly jelly" but I like to think one day maybe I will.

what I miss most (part I)

You know what I miss most about being single?

Dancing.

Now I'm not talking professional or even serious dancing...just the "getting your groove on" type. Serious or not, however, the mere thought of a good ol' hip-shakin' dance makes my heart ache something fierce. I don't know why, but it seems once I got married my opportunities for shaking my booty anywhere other then my kitchen just disappeared. I can count on one hand how many time I've done real-live public dancing since tying the know. O.n.e. h.a.n.d. folks, in over 6 years of marriage. Coming from someone who would go to at least one official dance a month in my single days (not to mention the innumerable spontaneous dances that seem to pop up like daisies when you're young), that is a drastic drop. I don't know that things are really going to change anytime soon. As I wasn't really the clubbing type pre-marriage (most of mine were done at at church or school functions or friends' houses), it seems a little silly to start that up three kids later. I've toyed with the idea of trying out a dance class (I just looove the idea of belly dancing), but lack of money and time have always kiboshed that. Really, though, it's not organized dancing I'm looking for. Instead, I long for the times when I could stand in a crowd of hot, sticky bodies and let the music move my body. Hip-hop, techno, country, oldies, even the ever-difficult-to-dance-to alternative...I loved and still love them all. And so, 6 years into my dance-less existence, I find myself, like a sneaky addict, trying to get a few mini-hits in when I can (in the car on the way to preschool, next to the stove stirring dinner, in my bedroom while getting dressed)...and still mourning the loss of it all.


How 'bout y'all? What do you miss most?

Love Whose Body?

What time is it, Readers?

You guessed it...time for another Media Rant by Whitney.

On the menu this time, my own beloved Vicky S. Let me start off by saying I LOVE Victoria's Secret. I really, truly do. I love their bras. I love their lingerie. I love their body creams. What I can do without is their recent hypocrisy. VS has launched a mini-line, titled 'Love Your Body' within their best-selling Body line. At first I was sort of thrilled to hear this. I envisioned ads containing women of all shapes and sizes a la Dove's Real Beauty Campaign. Ya know: young, old, short, tall, curvy, boyish, etc. Come to find out...mmmm, not so much. In fact, the ads contain nothing more then a line up of, you guessed it, perfectly proportioned models.


So, whose body exactly am I supposed to be loving? I can tell ya right now I'm not loving looking at stick-thin models with legs up to here, yet still magically having D-size boobs. Yeah, not in love with that at all, actually.


To top it off, the campaign includes a video of the models discussing all the different parts of a man's body they love. Again, how is this supposed to help me love my body? Watching a panty-clad model lounge about discussing how much she loves a man's tummy (while pointing out her own amazingly toned abs for inspection), does not make me LOVE my very own post-baby body. So, next time you attempt to help women around the world love THEIR bodies, why don't you start by actually loving THEIR bodies yourself? Sorry VS, but you reeeeally missed the mark this time.


For those who are interested...

The 'What do you love about a man's body' Video:



The 'Love Your Body' Commercial:

What's a girl to do?

I have zits. I'm also getting wrinkles. The fact that the two of those are happening simultaneously on my face is frankly, friggin' ridiculous and absolutely no fair. I blame the spots on my nursing mommy, post-pregnancy insane hormones (I'm allowed to be post-pregnancy for at least a year, right? right???). It seems I have the raging, zit-causing hormones of a teenager, without any of the fun ones ( ;) ;) ). The wrinkles are, of course, caused from having three children, 3 and under.

So...what's a girl to do?

I've been using my old faithful face wash and lotion, the ones I've used off-and-on since the ripe old age of 15, but they're just not cutting it anymore. I'm just kind of floundering right now. I know I need to shake things up and try something new...but as I'm extreeeemely cheap, I don't like to try new things without at least a recommendation first (what, y'all don't get a second opinion on everything from toilet paper to hairspray before you switch brands?). So if you use something you love that helps with either or both of my issues, I would just love to hear about it (or even if you don't and just want to commiserate, that's great too, you know, whatever).

More Stripes Than A Zebra

Last week we talked about what clothes to wear, today we're going to discuss what's under said clothes.

Pardon?

That's right, girls...it's time to bare all. My guess is that 99% of our readers are mothers (and a BIG hello to Spencer and Carlin, our 1%), whether newer moms, veteran moms, first-time preggos, or grandmas. Hence, I'm sure you all have what's fondly referred to by some as badges of motherhood (also known as the mummy tummy, flat pancake boobs, more stripes than a zebra, etc., etc.). Heaven knows, I have more then my fair share...I have road map thighs, a chest that resembles deflated sandwich baggies (and that's while nursing, just wait until I'm not), and the saggiest, wrinkliest tummy this side of the Mississippi. I've tried a number of different exercises, but between a stomach-ripping c-section and skin with the elasticity of a banana peel (not to mention more pregnancies planned for the future which are sure to undo any semi-successful endeavors), let's just say that my so-called badges are here to stay. So, what's a young, semi-hip mommy supposed to do when the mere thought of her body sends her into spasms of revulsion and disgust?

Well...that is the question of the day, isn't it?

What would you do? Or, more accurately, what are you planning on doing? Are you going to try every exercise under the sun? Are you one of the blessed few whose body has remained relatively unaffected by pregnancy and mommyhood (you know we all secretly hate you, don't you)? Are you going to cling to your body shaper and wonderbra 'til death do you part? Or are you planning on being one of the 10.6 million women (in 2007 alone) who go under the knife?

I'll be honest, folks, as time goes by and my pre-baby best assets continue to become my post-baby worst, I'd be lying to say I've never considered it. Nothing major, but a little tummy tuck would go a loooong way to boosting my body-image. My major issue is that I have a hard time spending more than $10 on myself, so you can imagine how difficult it would be to spend thousands of dollars on something so superficial...and it is superficial, right? Then again, I often don't know how skin-deep it is anymore. If a body can affect one's psyche so much, is helping one's body look better truly just a cosmetic fix? Then again, if I give into my craving to look like I did five years and three kids ago, what's that saying to my daughters down the road about their own self-image?

What do you think?

The Mommy Uniform

For my much-neglected post, I figured I'd address an issue we have yet to discuss ~ Mommy Fashion. Some might accuse me of using an oxymoron (you know who you are...you're probably young, single, and chic, with big Jackie O sunglasses and a firm tummy), but I insist it is possible to be fashionable and a mom all at the same time. I might not be a well-known fashion maven, but I have learned a few things becoming a mom of three, three and under, while still being young enough to want to be trendy.

Contrary to popular belief, I insist being a hot mommy is possible. You might have had to sacrifice your manolo blahniks for baby food (it's highway robbery at .47 a bottle!) and have orange spit up down your back (caused by the aforementioned baby food, no less), but with a little effort you can go from this:

to this:

Lest you think it's just too darn difficult and expensive, it really truly does take minimal effort and money (because heaven knows I'm lazy and cheap). Here's a single, basic outfit that can carry you from at-home laundry days, to running errands, to that rare Girls Night Out. I fondly refer to it as, The Mommy Uniform. Let's start from the feet up...

First off: shoes. This is fundamentally one of the most important parts of an outfit. If you have fabulous shoes, you can get away with almost anything from there on up, so make sure they're cute. As an added bonus, most shoe styles are compatible with mommyhood. Avoid running shoes at all costs (unless they're cute ones and you're wearing fabulous lounge pants). I've seen many a great outfit ruined just because they threw on a pair of dirty old tennies. Personally, I'm a fan of ballet flats. They're comfortable and work with almost any outfit (if you're self-conscious of your legs, I'd only wear them with pants and go with something with height for a skirt). They've been around for a while, so you can easily find some on clearance. Just buy a couple and rotate through them and you're good to go. If you're feeling more adventurous, try out some of the fun new sandals out this summer or a sassy pair of wedges. Your whole outfit will thank you, I promise.

Second step: legs. As long as it's not too hot, you can usually find me in a pair of jeans (if it is hot, I'm partial to a jersey skirt). Jeans are pretty basic, I know, but dressing as a mom is all about basics. They're easy to move in, *not* dry clean only, hide stains well, and I don't have to wash them after a single wear. Sounds just about perfect to me. There's lots of different styles and washes, so don't be afraid to play around. If you're worried about your tummy, you can go slightly higher waisted (however, still wellll below your belly button) and hold things in, or go very low and avoid the whole muffin-top issue all together. If you have a bit of a badonkadonk, I'd stick with a pair that hits right at the hips, that way it's not too high, extending your butt upwards and it's not too low, leading you to spill out the top. In order to avoid the much-feared Mom Jeans, avoid tapered-leg, high waisted jeans at all costs. seriously.

Next: shirt. My go-to shirt is a basic (preferably stretch) tee. Crew-necks are nice because I don't have to worry about showing the world my goods, but if I'm feeling a little saucy, I'll go the (modest) v-neck route. Gap is, by far, my favorite (on sale, of course), but Target's Mossimo makes some decent ones too (they're usually around $10 a shirt). As an additional perk, both Gap and Target tees are long, so you don't have to keep pulling your shirt down (after all, you have your kids to do that). I love stretch tees because they don't lose their shape throughout the day like 100% cotton ones do, they're fitted, which doesn't add imaginary pounds, and they look nice enough I can wear them on a date (you know, once every six months or so) or to church. I'll usually go the solid route, but that's just because I'm boring. If you want to make a little extra effort throw on a cardigan for a little pizazz (or just if it's a bit nippy).
Lastly:accessories. I fully realize how difficult accessorising is with kids. That's why I stick to the basics. For me, basic means a pair of snazzy earrings. If you're uber-cheap (like me) and don't want to buy a bunch of different earrings, a pair of black, brown, and multi-colored earrings can carry you through just about any outfit. If I'm feeling particularly ambitious, I'll add a necklace, a long knotted scarf, or fun head band. Really, it is that simple.

There you have it Ladies, The Mommy Uniform. Try it, you'll be amazed at how easy it is to look like a hip, sassy hottie with minimal effort. The frump may just be banished forever (well...until your next bout of morning sickness anyway). Feel free to have your husband send his thanks my way.

ps-As a parting piece of advice, let me remind y'all of the perks of make-up. It helps you look like a less exhausted, less zitty, fresher version of you, which, after all, is always a good thing.