Sucks

My SIL sent me this article and reading it helped me realize something about myself.

Is it sad that I had to read an article to have a self-revelation? I hope not.

Anyway, read the article if you can, but the summary is that she realized she was carrying around this guilt because she wasn't living in bliss every single moment of the day and she felt like she wasn't appreciating her children. She talks about having people come up to her in the store saying to "enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast."

Haven't we all heard that one before? I realized, just like her, hearing this made me feel guilty. So, I've been carrying around this guilt because most of the time I'm frustrated, near tears, and NOT enjoying every moment with my children.

To add to it, I decided my problem was that I wasn't being positive enough, so I made a goal to be more positive, enjoy the small moments, and try to relax. But this didn't really help because in the end I just felt more guilty.

I've decided instead I need to be more honest with myself. Here's my confession. This week has sucked. The kids have pushed me to my limits physically, mentally, and emotionally. Each day has ended with me close to tears and exhausted.

Do I hate being a mother? No, not at all. I look forward to every day and all the happy moments that make-up for the not-so-happy moments and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

However, after this week and reading the above mentioned article, I can unashamedly conclude that this week was hard. Just like everything else in life, being a Mother is hard and difficult, and just like with everything else in life it's okay to admit that every now and then.

Awkward

Is it just me, or does it seem like because you are a mom it entitles complete strangers to ask you personal questions?

Usually I don't mind answering questions, I'm sort of an open book in that way. But there is one question that I seem to get asked a lot, especially lately, that just makes me feel a bit awkward.

"So, now that you have a boy and a girl, are you done?"

Why does it make me feel awkward?

It comes from complete strangers - like the sales rep at the car dealership, or the cashier at WalMart, or the waiter at a restaurant, or the annoyed patron at a store - and leaves me wondering how they expect me to respond. Sometimes they are truly curious and sometimes they are a bit demeaning in a she-can-barely-control-the-two-she-has-oh-please-don't-let-her-have-another sort of way.

I usually answer with "Oh depends on the day... we'll see." But I'm half tempted to answer with "Actually, my husband and I have a goal to have more kids than the Duggar family, so watch out!"

Potty Training...and all the loveliness that comes with it.

I've been dreading potty training ever since we decided it was time to have kids. However, my son is three years old and I finally decided it was time for the inevitable. So, I bought some Thomas underwear, a Lightning McQueen toilet seat, and told myself today was the day (or, ummm, last Tuesday was the day).

Two accidents later I thought twice about whether or not today was really the day. After some consideration I decided to hold off till the next day, it was a crazy-busy day for me and I was already stressed by the days activities.

Wednesday morning was a fresh new start. We talked about going pee-pee in the potty, how the Thomas underwear was special and for big boys, and how peeing on the floor made mommy sad. Three number one accidents and one number two accident later and I had reached my limit. And it was only 11am.

Back to diapers and a trip to the library. Obviously I needed to rethink my strategy, I mean my son was walking around calling his underwear his "Thomas diapers." I checked out books and videos, bought some "training pants" and introduced the vocabulary to my son.

Now, almost a week later he hasn't peed in the potty. I figure there are three things that have made it impossible:

1. It was my BIL's wedding reception this past weekend and we had everyone flying in for it, from brothers to 93 year-old grandfathers. With late nights, luncheons, and no naps, it was obviously not the best time to start potty training.
2. Language - I just assumed that my son would catch-on to the language just like that, obviously I need to introduce concepts like the difference between underwear and diapers before we proceed.
3. Me - I get frustrated quite easily and have found that while I can handle the screaming and crying and changing poopy diapers - I can NOT handle pee on the floor and changing nasty underwear. Oh - and I have NO clue what I am doing.

So, any suggestions? I am seriously at a complete loss and while I've tried reading books and doing such things as "naked-time" (which did not work, he just sat on the floor and cried for his pants), it's just not working. To all of you experienced potty-training Moms out there I send an S.O.S. What's the secret to successful potty training? Or better yet, how did you have the patience and sanity to get through it?

of things that matter most

Oh my heck, has it been my turn to post for nearly 2 weeks?! big oops!  The ridiculous thing is I've had this post in my head for at least that long, I've just had family in town and what-not and time passed me by.  Anyway...

My dad sent me this movie a while ago.  It was a great reminder during the everyday drudgery (and joy!) of raising hooligans.  It helped me remember just how wonderful the little souls I have in my care really are and made me want to try just a bit harder to see that in the day-to-day. It made me (all teary-eyed) remember where I've come from and whence I'm going.  As an added bonus, the cinematography is super-cool! Enjoy!

"We would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most."
~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

My Daughter Hates Me

She is screaming at the top of her lungs. Like bloody-murder screaming.

And has been for the past 30 minutes.

Nothing I do is helping. I've tried feeding her, giving her milk, holding/cuddling her, everything.

She is just flat out mad at me. If she could talk I'm sure I would be hearing choruses of "I HATE you mommy" coming from her room. Which is where she is right now, because I can't take it anymore.

She has driven me to eat TWO chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts. She's only a year-and-half, I wonder what this means for the upcoming toddler stage? (Probably means I need to increase my exercise or I am seriously going to gain 50 pounds in the next couple of years).

Movies Anyone?

So, my husband and I watch an inordinate amount of movies. It's just what we do. Often by the end of the day we are too exhausted to come up with anything more creative than put the kids down and crash in front of the TV. I also happened to marry into a movie-crazy family. Not even kidding... one brother-in-law is like a movie genius, we all fight to have him on our team while playing Scene-it, another BIL works in Hollywood, and all of them seem to have an uncanny knack of memorizing lines from movies (even if said movie was only watched once).

We've actually watched some really good movies recently (like within the past year, just don't want you to think we watch THAT many movies). I thought I would suggest some of our favorites, as the summer approaches and movie season starts but we are all too cheap to go the actual theaters, that you can get on DVD.

Family movies (okay, we don't actually watch these with our kids because they are still a little young, but we would be willing to watch them again as the kids get older).
Dragon Hunters - a little intense for the younger audience and slower paced, it was still really fun to watch and absolutely beautiful. Definite recommendation if you like foreign films. If not stick with Dragon Trainer, one of my husbands favorites.
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium - it's about a magical toy store, what's not to love?
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - I like it much better than The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Bandslam - we thought it was going to be a High School Musical wannabe, totally was NOT! Really great storyline, good character development, and way more depth than the trailers lead you to believe. We laughed, we cried, we loved it.
The Spy Next Door - completely cheesy, but we happen to be big Jackie Chan fans and it would be a fun one for the kids too.

Good girl-time movies (I watched these by myself, mainly while folding laundry, which has to be the most boring chore ever).
Bright Star - based on the three-year romance of John Keats and Fanny Brawne, it'll make you cry.
My Girlfriend's Boyfriend - super cute movie with a little twist at the end I was totally not expecting and it takes place in Salt Lake City (for all of you Utah people out there).
I'm Reed Fish - I still don't know how I feel about this one... let's just say it was interesting.
Leap Year - if you haven't seen this movie yet, go watch it. Right now.

Chick Flicks to watch as a date:
Notting Hill - yes my husband actually watched this one with me and it was his idea (I had actually never seen this one) and he loved it. You just can't go wrong with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant.
500 Days of Summer - not your typical chick flick, which is why I think my husband liked it so much and I just love weird movies like this.
Penelope - another one that if you have not seen you must go watch, right now. Not only did we both love it, but it sends such a good message that I will make my teenagers watch this whether they want to or not.
Date Night - okay, not really a chick flick and probably shouldn't recommend it to just anyone, but seriously, we are just at that point in our lives where we were laughing because it is so true (although there were a few awkward scenes/jokes in the movie, just warning you).

Movies your Man will definitely watch:
Stone of Destiny - about a group of young college students who decide to steal the stone of Destiny (a symbol of Scotland) from under the Crowning throne in England in the 1950's. Brush up on your history a bit and then watch this movie.
Traitor - an action movie about terrorists.
Taken - finally, no talking bad-guy scene, yay! (Not recommended if you don't like violence).
Outsourced - jobs are outsourced to India (in fact, I believe there is a new NBC series based on the same thing), sorry not much of an explanation, we jut really liked it.
Unstoppable - we liked it enough that my husband wants to buy it.

Those are some of my random suggestions. I could go on, but for sake of time (and not wanting to completely admit to how many movies I actually watch) I will stop for now. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

Anyone?

Anyone know how to get crayon/pen off the wall?

What about chocolate pudding stains out of clothing?

I know! Anyone want to trade kids for a day or two. I'll watch yours if you watch mine if it means I can have ONE day where I enjoy a clean house...

Marriage and Kids

Because this blog nailed it on the head for me, I couldn't NOT share it.

Click here: Marriage with Toddlers

It's a little lengthy but well worth the read. Especially if you are like me and wondering what happened to your marriage after kids...

Technology and Teachers

Long story short, it has recently come to my attention that texting, Facebooking, tweeting, and other such social networking is being used as a means of communication between teachers and students.

I happen to disagree with this method. In fact, I'm quite surprised how strongly I feel about this. Three short years ago I remember being in school and explaining to my professors (mainly the Grad students) that they could contact me by email, but I did not text. You can imagine the horror upon their faces that I would refuse to text.

I especially disagree with this method concerning high school students. If you have something to say to my high school student you can do so by calling the family phone, emailing them through a school account, or the traditional send-a-letter home. There is a certain professionalism that needs to be held between students and teachers.

You are the teacher, a symbol of authority and a mentor to young minds. You are not their best friend. There is no need to be friends with them on Facebook, text them messages concerning homework assignments, or let them follow your Tweets of what you are eating for dinner. In fact, I as a mother, would not believe my child if they said that a teacher had Tweeted no homework for the evening and you can better believe that I will not let my child give out their personal cell phone numbers, that is assuming I let them have a cell phone.

I don't know how many states have laws or policies concerning things like this but I can tell from news stories and comments from friends who are now professors/teachers that this is becoming a valid problem . Am I turning into a stick-in-the-mud? Maybe, but I really believe the teacher-student relationship is one relationship that should not be relaxed due to technology.

Discrimination!

Have you ever been the victim of impatient huffs or evil stares? How about rude comments? Rude service? Or maybe not rude service, but just plain impatient service?

And it's all because of the little jewels in your crown, your children. Join the club.

To be honest, I'm kind of getting tired of it. I understand if my kids are acting up and you don't want to hear it, but neither do I. Besides, Wal-Mart is a public place and families are bound to be there, shopping together. If you would prefer to shop when there are no kids around then go at 10pm when we are all home, with our children tucked into bed.

My husband and I like to go out to eat. It's our treat to ourselves and there are some days I really don't feel like cooking. We always pick "family-friendly" restaurants, it's not like we are going to the cute Italian bistro that doesn't have a kids menu let alone a high-chair.

Just last week I decided to take my son out on a lunch-date. Just me and him and some good food. I wanted to change it up a bit and decided on Applebee's. My son didn't care as long as he could have french fries. We arrived at 11:45am. They seated us in an area that had TWO other tables with patrons, everywhere else was empty. I immediately distracted my son with the provided coloring page and skimmed through the menu. I AM aware that I have a two-year old with me and that I am at a sit-down restaurant so I must be prepared to order when the waitress comes to ask for our drinks. I also have snacks in the diaper bag to hold him over till the food arrives. I watched the waitress wipe down two empty tables that didn't really need wiping, ask the other patrons if they needed anything else, flirt with (whom I am assuming was) the shift manager, and make eye-contact with me twice and then intentionally look away. After fifteen minutes I quietly packed up my stuff, told my son that we had to leave, but not to worry we would go somewhere else with french fries, and walked out of the restaurant. Five minutes later we were seated at Chik-fil-a, while the nice employees brought our tray out to us and we enjoyed a nice hot meal. During our stay there they asked if we needed refills, if they could throw my trash away, and if I needed anything else. And I didn't have to TIP them.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened to me nor do I think it will be the last. It's a form of discrimination and I don't like it. I could go on, but for the sake of not turning nasty, I will stop here.

Suggestions, anyone?

I'm at my wits end.

My son has decided it's funny to run away from me. In the store. In the parking lot. Into the middle of the street. It often happens when I am preoccupied with his sister. All it takes is one split-second of diverted attention and he's off. He's a fast little sucker too.

I've tried everything: yelling, time-out, take toys away, take his lovie away, and even resulted to a quick swat on the rear in particularly dangerous situations (no, I do not spank my children as a general rule). Nothing works. It's often hard to do anything about it since it happens 90% of the time with his little sister. I can only do so much when I'm holding another baby in my arms.

He loves to run, he loves to be chased, and he really truly thinks it's a game. I have no idea how I'm supposed to reason with a two year old.

And so I'm coming to you, our readers. Any suggestions? Anyone experience the same thing? I'm desperate.

New Mantra: Personal Experience Part 3

Our new mantra has become: "Now we know why..."

1. Our kid has been a great sleeper since birth, nothing wakes him up. Phone calls, doorbells, vacuum cleaners, thunderstorms, tornado sirens... now we know why. (And here we just thought we were really great at this parenting thing).
2. He only had two volumes, loud and louder... now we know why. (Much to our embarrassment while sitting in the middle of church).
3. He loves loud music with a good strong beat... now we know why.
4. He wouldn't open closed doors, even though he was tall enough and knew how, unless we were behind him instructing him to open the door, he wouldn't do it... now we know why. (Turns out most children won't open doors if they can't hear what's behind the door).
5. He never babbled (not like his sister does), he just screamed (see #2)... now we know why.
6. The few words he did start speaking were mainly made up of vowels, because that is what he could here (for example a dog barking wasn't "Ruff" it was "uuu, uuu")... now we know why

We have found humor in the situation as well. For example, I told my husband the other day that when our son is school age and the students ask him what is in his ear he can say that it is an earpiece for the government and he is actually a secret agent, and then pretend to get a secret message and run away. We've also realized that when he is a teenager he can take out his hearing aids and pretend that he can't hear us when we say something he doesn't like.

The days go on and things are getting better. Like any big change your in life, it just takes some adjusting to, but the fact is you do adjust. When I first started writing this little series of mine, I intended it to be a one-article story. However, as I started writing I found I had more to say than just "here's what happened." It has been very therapeutic for me and I thank all of you who have read it through and supported me with your comments. My intention in writing this was to let everyone know you are not alone out there. Raising children is hard and things don't go exactly as planned. For whatever reason we seem to convince ourselves that this time life will do as we tell it to, but the Lord kindly reminds us that He is in charge. In part 1 a reader shared a link for the following story, I will end my comments here, but for anyone who is interested please continue reading. It spoke to my heart, and I can't wait to see what Holland holds for me.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Processing: Personal Experience Part 2

Then the emotions hit. According to the Kubler-Ross model I should be undergoing denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I seem to be making up my own stages as I handle my son and his hearing loss. I never went through denial or bargaining. The doctors showed me the results from four different tests and I can't argue with scientific proof. There is a small part of me that says "are you sure?" But the larger part of me wants to take action, it says "what do I need to do?"

Instead I go through anger, blame, guilt, frustration, and acceptance.

Anger - I'm angry with the doctors for not listening to me sooner. I was the one who initiated contact with an audiologist, no thanks to my pediatrician. I am angry with the health department and their not-accurate hearing test. Fluid on the ears?! HA!

Blame - this is the hardest one for me. I blame the doctor (see anger). I blame my husband, maybe he shouldn't have tickled our son so hard, thrown him up in the air, wrestled with him, the list goes on. As time goes on I blame him for working while I handle the doctors, insurance reps, babysitters, and therapy. It's a silly blame, but I often feel so alone in this. But mostly, I blame myself. Was there something I should have done differently? I had a rather perfect pregnancy, but maybe I should have drank more water, refrained from having that corn dog, been more careful about heating up my deli meat. Then there is the whole issue of the labor and delivery. Did his hearing loss occur after being in labor for 28 plus hours and pushing for two? Should we have opted for a c-section sooner? I can't bare to think about it. Or was it when my milk supply started to dry up and I didn't know it, not until he started losing weight? So many things go through my head. The geneticist reassures me that unless I was abusing drugs or alcohol or deathly ill during pregnancy, there was absolutely nothing I could have done differently.

Guilt - you would think the guilt would come from the blame, but this guilt hits me on my blindside. My son has only mild permanent hearing loss, as I start to talk to other families I realize their child's hearing loss is much more severe. They are going in for surgeries and wearing cochlear implants. I suddenly feel guilty for taking this so hard, for stressing out over the day-to-day maintenance of it all. It could be so much worse, who am I to complain?

Frustration - this one is much more complicated. It's the every day routine we are now in. It's the struggle to keep a two year old from pulling out his hearing aids, of searching the store for size 13 batteries, of cleaning and maintaining the hearing aids. It's the hours I now spend in the car as I take my husband to work, my daughter to the babysitter, my son to therapy, home from therapy, pick up our daughter, pick up my husband. How do I know when my son is being a two-year old and ignoring me or simply can not hear me? It's the application of the newest technique they've taught me at therapy, the phone call from his mother's day out when they can't get his hearing aids back in, the exhaustion of it all. It's the opinions I get from all sides of what I should or should not be doing. Sign language or no sign language? It's the realization that grandparents now seem to be afraid to take the kids for the weekend because the hearing aids intimidate them. But mostly, it's the frustration that both my son and I receive when communication fails. I can't understand him and he can't make himself understood.

Some days are rough. My husband comes home from work and takes over the bedtime routine. I curl up in bed, hiding from the stress that threatens to crush me. My husband comes in and holds me till it passes. He somehow transfers some of his strength to me. With a good night's rest, I will be as good as new to handle a new day.

Acceptance - it comes little by little as we fall into a routine. The hearing aids are staying on more often than not, his speech is progressing slowly, and we are making progress. I am learning as I go and have quickly learned to take it one day at a time. Line upon line, precept upon precept. I turn to the Lord in my thoughts and prayers more often. Our son will never remember a life without hearing aids and for him it will become second nature. I hope that one day soon it will become second nature for me as well.

Whirlwind: Personal Experience Part 1

"Your son has mild permanent hearing loss." The words bounce around in my head.
"Oh, okay," I say. "What does that mean?"
"Well, we want to run a few more tests to confirm our findings, but it will mean hearing aids and auditory and verbal therapy."
"Oh, okay." My daughter lurches forward and fusses, I hand her a toy to distract her. The audiologist peers at me closely, concern in her eyes. She is under the impression that I am taking this all rather well. I smile and nod as the audiologist and speech pathologist explain the steps we need to take from here, show me a chart of what my son can and can not hear. The information is thrown at me quicker than I can absorb.

It's not until I am strapping the kids into their car seats that my heart starts to drop. My son has hearing loss? HEARING LOSS! It was the last thing I expected to hear. Sure he had never passed his newborn hearing screening and is behind in his speech, but by golly, the doctors kept telling me it was just because of fluid in the ear. Take care of the fluid, take care of the problem. I was expecting at most that he would need tubes in his ears.

I call my husband at work. "How did it go?" he asks.
"Good, he was such a trooper, they did four different tests on him, plus some more stuff. Umm, can I pick you up for lunch?" I can't explain it over the phone.
"Sure..." he sounds hesitant. I am worried he has something going on, I can't go the whole afternoon without talking to him, my husband, my help meet. "No," he reassures me, "I can go to lunch."

He gets into the car and I start in on the explanation I've been reciting in my head for the 25 minute car ride to his workplace. "He will need hearing aids and therapy," I recite.
"Are you serious?" my husband asks.

Then come the phone calls, my side of the family, his side of the family. I spend all afternoon on the phone, explaining, answering questions I barely know the answer to myself. My mom's response is, "Are you serious?" Do I sound like I'm joking? By the end of the day I'm emotionally exhausted. We are going out for dinner that night.

Within weeks, the hearing aids are fitted, therapy is scheduled. There will be two different sessions, a one-on-one therapy and a class therapy. The important thing is to prepare him for school. Both sessions will be held weekly. Insurance does not cover hearing aids or anything hearing related. They will only cover the therapy if it is listed as a specific type of speech therapy. I will need to find a babysitter for our daughter twice a week. The audiologist instructs us on how to fit, clean, and take care of the hearing aids. The batteries must be replaced weekly. There is special cleaning solution and dry crystals and a container that the hearing aids must be kept in nightly. We will need to do a genetic test to make sure the hearing loss is not a sign of something bigger.

I suddenly feel very overwhelmed.

I've been in contact with the state's early intervention program. They will subsidize the therapy and hearing aid costs until he's three, when we will be turned over to the school districts. He will be reevaluated when he turns three.

It's been a few months later and I am still processing everything. An interpreter for the deaf asks me if I have reached the acceptance stage yet. I tell her I don't know. I've been told that we will go through the same stages of grief as one who has lost a family member to death. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

I'm not sure where I'm at in those stages, I'm just acting. I'm just taking it one day at a time, trying to do what's best for my child, and all the while worrying that it won't be enough.

Question & Answer

Our first question comes from an anonymous source. It asks: "how do you deal with getting a degree but staying at home to raise your children instead of using your degree?"

Good question and one that I don't have a simple answer for. You will often hear me muttering under my breath that I got a degree so I could stay home and wipe snotty noses, argh. Then there are the days when the kids are being super cranky and ornery and I think to myself, "I don't have to do this! I don't have to be here! I can put you in daycare and work outside of the home." Not to mention the temptation of money, especially when I think about it long enough. My husband and I could be making a combined salary of six digits! Think how fast we could pay off student loans, save up for future college funds, and the oh-so many more things you can do with money. Sigh.

So, how do I deal with it? I can separate it into three reasons for you.

First, I completed my degree for the sake of an education, not a career. Sure, I chose my degree with a career in mind, but in all honesty, I really just love learning. Ever read Harry Potter? You can compare me to Hermione. If I could, I would just be a professional student. There are so many things for me to learn and I want to learn them all. The hardest thing I've done was narrow my education down to one topic. I love going to class, feeling the textbook in hand, being challenged by assignments and exams. I just love it all.

Second, is the confidence that comes with a degree. I have that confidence that comes from completing something difficult. I have the confidence that comes with knowing I could get a job if needed. I can walk in to pretty much any job and not only expect, but demand a higher wage simply for completing a degree. When things started to get a little shaky at my husbands employment last year there was the confidence that I could go back to work and support the family until he found another job. That alone is worth all of my student loans.

Third, and most important in my mind, is the message I am sending to my children. Hopefully they will grow up knowing how important receiving their education is to their father and I, simply because we have received an education. I hope they will make it their goal. I am also sending them the message that they are way more important than a fancy resume with a nice salary. More specifically is the example I am setting for my daughter. I am showing her that an education is important and to receive it, even if you plan on staying home with your children some day.

An education is extremely important to me and something I plan to continue to pursue. It is the best thing I have ever done for myself and I am finding, the best thing I have done for my family.

I will not...

I will not kill my children.
I. will. not. kill. my. children.
I will NOT kill my children.
I Will Not Kill My Children.
I will not KILL my CHILDREN.
I will not kill my children.
I will not kill my children.
[cue the deep breath]

Here's hopin' my children make it to another morning. It's 10:00am and already one of those days.

Swagger Wagon

While watching the "Dad Life" video from Church on the Move, I came across this video, and well, it was too funny not to share. Hope you enjoy it.

I Need a Reminder

Blame it on the heat, the close age of my kids, the constant barrage of company, blame it on whatever you want; but things have been a bit rough. When things get a bit rough, I remind myself all that is good and well with the world, or in this case, motherhood. So here goes:

*The smiles and hugs first thing in the morning. The excitement of discovering their surroundings. The thrill (and terror) on their face the first time they roll over. The sound of their laughter. Pausing in my rush to examine a beetle, splash in a puddle, and chase a bird. Listening to the babble and squeals of delight of my children playing together. Rediscovering favorite childhood past times such as playing in the rain and PBJ sandwiches. Watching their faces light up when you come home, or walk into a room after being absent for a few seconds. Seeing the love in their eyes when they see their Daddy. Reading them books. Playing trains. Holding them in my arms. Walking hand-in-hand. Watching them sleep. Feeling like my heart is going to burst from too much love.

Things I wish I had Known

A few of my friends are getting ready to welcome their first child into their homes and join the elite club that is otherwise known as Motherhood. It's made me think about what kind of advice I can give them, so I've compiled a list of things I wish I had known. Some of this stuff you can find in books (but if you're anything like me, you didn't know what to take to heart and what to ignore).

1. Things to bring to the hospital (besides the obvious change of clothing): nursing pads, nursing bra, feminine napkins, comfortable panties (especially if you're having a c-section, you don't want anything resting on your incision), and socks. Some things like feminine napkins and funny looking underwear will be provided to you by the hospital, take advantage of these and don't be afraid to ask for extra ones to take home with you.
2. Speaking of things to bring home with you: ask for extra diapers, changing pads, pacifiers, shirts for baby.
3. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself in the hospital: if you're in pain ask for medicine, if you're hungry ask for food. Most nurses try to make sure you're well taken care of, but they are human and can't read your mind.
4. Wear your nursing bra at ALL TIMES! At night, at home, at the store, you get the point. Only take it off during showers, obviously. In fact, buy multiple nursing bras because the engorgement period can really make you run through them.
5. Set up a nursing station as well as a diaper changing station. Keep extra nursing pads, Lanolin, a bottle of water (you get really dehydrated while nursing), and crackers close at hand. You might even need washcloths and an extra bra.
6. Diaper changing station should include diapers, wipes, diaper cream (like Desitin or Butt Paste), and an absorbent changing pad. It's amazing what little babies can do.
7. Those first few weeks I would keep a basket for nursing and a basket for changing by my bedside for the midnight feedings. I kept an extra change of clothing for baby too, so I wouldn't have to rummage around trying to find some pajamas while bleary-eyed.
8. It's perfectly normal to not have a clue how to nurse - talk to the Lactation consultant before you leave the hospital to make sure the baby is attaching correctly. (Warning: they (lactation consultants) are very in your business and touchy, just to give you a heads-up in case you are a more private person).
9. Newborn babies make lots of funny, almost scary noises. Especially as they are trying to clear out their lungs of fluids. Remember if your baby is coughing and making NOISE then that means they are getting air, it's when they go all silent and purply-blue on you that it's time to panic.
10. Remember you're not alone. There are plenty of forums, blogs (like this one), and friends who are doing this too. Don't ever feel dumb asking a question or calling your pediatrician. OH and that's one more thing - if your baby is acting funny, and it's obviously not an emergency, and you're not sure if it warrants a doctor's appointment, just call the pediatrician and ask to speak to a nurse. A lot of times they can answer your questions over the phone and let you know if it is even worth coming in to the office.

So, those are just a few things I came up with. Let's hear it ladies - what kind of advice can you pass on to all those first time Moms.

A Message From My Father

My father sent me this video this morning. It was a much-needed reminder that even when the world doesn't recognize and appreciate the importance of motherhood and the hard work that goes into it...that our Heavenly Father appreciates it. That He sees us and loves us, especially on the rough days. That He wants to help us raise up their sweet little souls to Him, He wants to help us find the patience to last the day, we just have to ask Him for that help.

So often the world gives us a line about "being a mother is hard work," but it's just another platitude to make us feel like they're recognizing us...but they don't. They dismiss what we do, insisting that we should do and be more, that mothering is something we could just as easily pay other people to do for us, that we're not doing enough or that we're doing too much for our children. But, our Father in Heaven really does recognize us.

I guess that's what this video meant to me. That He sees me and recognizes the work I do. That when no one else is up with me during the 2am feeding...He is. Even if it doesn't seem to matter to anyone else that the floor is dirty 2 seconds after I clean it and the kids don't listen when I try to teach them...that He sees that I tried in the first place.

Thanks for the reminder, Dad...both my Heavenly and Earthly one.



ps-I know, I know, I posted this on my personal blog too. I don't ever double-post like this, but after having thought about it for an hour or so, I decided that this was too important of a message not to share with everyone.