...my children just wear on me. They'll start in with their shrieking, whining, and bickering...and a weight on my chest will settle, dragging me down. They exhaust me. It makes me want to go hide in my room under my covers (which, in fact, is exactly what I do sometimes). I'll find myself begging, pleading with them to please, please just stop and listen to me, unable to muster the energy to push myself into the cacophonous fray. They'll cling and pull on me, crawling up my legs and into my head. Sometimes, I just want to peel them off like uncomfortable clothing, fold them nicely up, and stuff then in my closet. I'd take a deep breath and then go out to lunch, followed by some leisurely shopping. all. by. myself.
...for now, however, I suppose I'll just continue to rely on the occasional popsicle and the insistence that they must eat it outside.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Buying a House
My husband and I recently bought our first house, and needless to say, I learned a lot. I thought I would pass on my new found wisdom (do you feel lucky or what?;). Whether it's your first home or you are a seasoned pro - hopefully there will be something in here for you.
First thing to consider when buying a home is the economy. The economy plays a huge part in how you negotiate, the prices of the homes, and whether or not you can get approved for a loan. Second thing to consider are your preferences and priorities. Both you and your partner need to discuss things like which side of town you want to live on and is it more important than space, how many bedrooms you want, bathrooms you want, and what is important to each of you. For example the kitchen is important to me while my husband wanted nice big living areas - these are the two things that make or break the deal for us. Have a firm idea of what you are both looking for when shopping for a house.
With that in mind here is what I learned:
1. It's a buyer's market, hands-down. We threatened to walk away several times on our offer and each time the seller called saying they would agree to our terms.
2. Even though it's a buyer's market, it's super hard to get approved for a loan. If you do get approved be ready to put down almost twice the normal down payment (especially if you are a first time home buyer, like us). The usual recommended amount is 3%, however we were asked to put down close to 6% (and we have a great credit score). The optimal number is 20% - you avoid PMI with 20% down.
3. Do not get emotionally involved, it's a business transaction. So what if you LOVE the house, if the seller is asking for more than you can afford, be strong and walk away.
4. Pay attention to how long the house has been on the market and look at the history to see why (if it's been out for over a couple of months). Our house had been on the market for over 6 months. This told us a couple of things, one, that we should ask ourselves why, and two, that the owner was probably anxious to get rid of the place (especially when we found it empty) which basically gave us the upper hand.
5. Be fair but firm in your offer, don't insult the seller with an extremely low offer, but do your research and know what you can afford.
6. Things that are negotiable: anything that is wrong with the house, this includes termites, crushed air-ducts, roof repair, etc. Also, you can ask for things to stay including refrigerators, washer/dryers, stoves and dishwashers are usually expected but make sure it is in your contract, and backyard pools, sheds, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for something, you are going to have to live there and you want the initial moving-in to be as pleasant as possible.
7. Put a clause in your initial offer that allows you to re-negotiate if the home inspection finds some major problems. For example, we said that if repairs came to over $700, then we were out of contract and could then renegotiate. This was a lifesaver as our inspection found termites, crushed air-ducts, and a few other problems that would have put a huge dent in our budget and made an already stressful situation even worst.
8. Get a home inspection. Termite inspections are required by the bank but home inspections are not. I would strongly recommend home inspections. Also, use inspectors that are not associated with the Realtor. Inspectors can overlook things so the Realtor can make the sale. You want an inspector who works for you not the Realtor.
9. Be aware of costs: you will pay a Good Faith payment usually $500-$1000, home inspections which can run anywhere from $150-$250, and closing costs which include termite inspections and appraisals.
10. Finally, and most importantly, do your research! Research the area of town, the neighborhood, the school districts, the going prices for other homes in the area, price per square foot, the size of other homes in the area, and have a firm grip on your budget.
First thing to consider when buying a home is the economy. The economy plays a huge part in how you negotiate, the prices of the homes, and whether or not you can get approved for a loan. Second thing to consider are your preferences and priorities. Both you and your partner need to discuss things like which side of town you want to live on and is it more important than space, how many bedrooms you want, bathrooms you want, and what is important to each of you. For example the kitchen is important to me while my husband wanted nice big living areas - these are the two things that make or break the deal for us. Have a firm idea of what you are both looking for when shopping for a house.
With that in mind here is what I learned:
1. It's a buyer's market, hands-down. We threatened to walk away several times on our offer and each time the seller called saying they would agree to our terms.
2. Even though it's a buyer's market, it's super hard to get approved for a loan. If you do get approved be ready to put down almost twice the normal down payment (especially if you are a first time home buyer, like us). The usual recommended amount is 3%, however we were asked to put down close to 6% (and we have a great credit score). The optimal number is 20% - you avoid PMI with 20% down.
3. Do not get emotionally involved, it's a business transaction. So what if you LOVE the house, if the seller is asking for more than you can afford, be strong and walk away.
4. Pay attention to how long the house has been on the market and look at the history to see why (if it's been out for over a couple of months). Our house had been on the market for over 6 months. This told us a couple of things, one, that we should ask ourselves why, and two, that the owner was probably anxious to get rid of the place (especially when we found it empty) which basically gave us the upper hand.
5. Be fair but firm in your offer, don't insult the seller with an extremely low offer, but do your research and know what you can afford.
6. Things that are negotiable: anything that is wrong with the house, this includes termites, crushed air-ducts, roof repair, etc. Also, you can ask for things to stay including refrigerators, washer/dryers, stoves and dishwashers are usually expected but make sure it is in your contract, and backyard pools, sheds, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for something, you are going to have to live there and you want the initial moving-in to be as pleasant as possible.
7. Put a clause in your initial offer that allows you to re-negotiate if the home inspection finds some major problems. For example, we said that if repairs came to over $700, then we were out of contract and could then renegotiate. This was a lifesaver as our inspection found termites, crushed air-ducts, and a few other problems that would have put a huge dent in our budget and made an already stressful situation even worst.
8. Get a home inspection. Termite inspections are required by the bank but home inspections are not. I would strongly recommend home inspections. Also, use inspectors that are not associated with the Realtor. Inspectors can overlook things so the Realtor can make the sale. You want an inspector who works for you not the Realtor.
9. Be aware of costs: you will pay a Good Faith payment usually $500-$1000, home inspections which can run anywhere from $150-$250, and closing costs which include termite inspections and appraisals.
10. Finally, and most importantly, do your research! Research the area of town, the neighborhood, the school districts, the going prices for other homes in the area, price per square foot, the size of other homes in the area, and have a firm grip on your budget.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Date Night Dilemma
A friend and I have recently started up a casual babysitting swap. She has three kids, I have three kids, all roughly the same age who manage to get along as well as any 6 kids can, ages 5 and under. We have similar parenting styles, our kids have similar temperaments, not to mention similar schedules too. It's pretty much a match made in heaven. There has been one bump in the road that I didn't plan on, however...
What exactly is one suppose to do when given the chance to have a regular date night? For so long, darling husband and I have only really gone out for planned events (get-togethers, long-awaited movie releases, holidays, family events, that sort of thing). So, when left with a few hours on our own...we end up semi-stumped. There's the ever-present option of dinner out or a movie, but those get old quick (not to mention pricey). I used to think I loved window-shopping on dates, but that was until I had no money and realized window-shopping is not all that fun when you take the shopping part out of the equation. So, what's a girl to do?
What do y'all do on the rare kids-free evening? Also, if you are in the Kansas City area, are there any fun places specifically that you think are worth the occasional splurge? Really, any suggestions (or commiserations) would be greatly appreciated!
What exactly is one suppose to do when given the chance to have a regular date night? For so long, darling husband and I have only really gone out for planned events (get-togethers, long-awaited movie releases, holidays, family events, that sort of thing). So, when left with a few hours on our own...we end up semi-stumped. There's the ever-present option of dinner out or a movie, but those get old quick (not to mention pricey). I used to think I loved window-shopping on dates, but that was until I had no money and realized window-shopping is not all that fun when you take the shopping part out of the equation. So, what's a girl to do?
What do y'all do on the rare kids-free evening? Also, if you are in the Kansas City area, are there any fun places specifically that you think are worth the occasional splurge? Really, any suggestions (or commiserations) would be greatly appreciated!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Unlocking my child
I have a two year old son. Well, at least he will be two in the next few days. He doesn't talk much. I mean, he babbles a lot, but doesn't say much in actual words. He doesn't really form sentences and has a lot of made-up words that mean something to him and absolutely nothing to me. I can coax words out of him, but he doesn't voluntarily talk. I haven't been too concerned. Sure, other children his age or younger are speaking like little adults, my kid is just moving at his own pace.
I would probably be more concerned if I felt like he wasn't understanding things, but the fact is he understands a lot. I can say, "Son, pick up your toys and put them in your toy box." And he does it. When I say it's bedtime, he runs into his bedroom, grabs his stuffed football and climbs in to bed. He's also very active and figures things out quickly, maybe a little too quickly.
Still, the fact remains that he doesn't speak, and it is frustrating. I can't figure out what he wants sometimes which leads to tears and tantrums. People who are around him less really can't figure out what he wants since they don't pick up on his physical cues as much as I do.
Should I learn sign language? I always thought sign language was a bit overrated and just a new parenting fad. Then my husband's aunt came to visit. She works in early childhood development specifically with deaf children. Naturally she started signing with my son. In a matter of a couple of hours he had learned at least 10 new words and was speaking in short sentences. I'm not talking about he learned the signs for the words - I mean he was literally saying new words. I couldn't believe it. My husband and I sat down and started talking with her. What we found out completely blew us away. Studies are coming out showing that kids need more than one input to learn something. They use their senses to learn (smell, sight, taste, etc). Our son was hearing the words we spoke, watching the way our lips moved, and needed the motor input that sign language brings for his brain to connect everything together. That motor input was the key.
Basically, even though he is not autistic, he learns in much the same way an autistic child learns. I'm not a professional, but the way I understand it is it's like baking cookies. You have all the ingredients sitting on the counter. Separately they don't do anything, but when you combine them together (auditory, visual, and motor skills) they make cookies (or in our case, words).
Needless to say I went to the library and checked out all the toddler signing books and DVDs I could find. As my husband commented, "it's like we've unlocked our child."
I would probably be more concerned if I felt like he wasn't understanding things, but the fact is he understands a lot. I can say, "Son, pick up your toys and put them in your toy box." And he does it. When I say it's bedtime, he runs into his bedroom, grabs his stuffed football and climbs in to bed. He's also very active and figures things out quickly, maybe a little too quickly.
Still, the fact remains that he doesn't speak, and it is frustrating. I can't figure out what he wants sometimes which leads to tears and tantrums. People who are around him less really can't figure out what he wants since they don't pick up on his physical cues as much as I do.
Should I learn sign language? I always thought sign language was a bit overrated and just a new parenting fad. Then my husband's aunt came to visit. She works in early childhood development specifically with deaf children. Naturally she started signing with my son. In a matter of a couple of hours he had learned at least 10 new words and was speaking in short sentences. I'm not talking about he learned the signs for the words - I mean he was literally saying new words. I couldn't believe it. My husband and I sat down and started talking with her. What we found out completely blew us away. Studies are coming out showing that kids need more than one input to learn something. They use their senses to learn (smell, sight, taste, etc). Our son was hearing the words we spoke, watching the way our lips moved, and needed the motor input that sign language brings for his brain to connect everything together. That motor input was the key.
Basically, even though he is not autistic, he learns in much the same way an autistic child learns. I'm not a professional, but the way I understand it is it's like baking cookies. You have all the ingredients sitting on the counter. Separately they don't do anything, but when you combine them together (auditory, visual, and motor skills) they make cookies (or in our case, words).
Needless to say I went to the library and checked out all the toddler signing books and DVDs I could find. As my husband commented, "it's like we've unlocked our child."
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Where's a Confessional when I need one?
I refuse to clean our bathtub. My husband does it instead. I'll do the rest of the bathroom, just not the tub. * Much to the Mister's eternal chagrin, I drink out of the carton...regularly. * I definitely don't shower everyday, and sometimes only once every 3 days and just put my hair up the other days. * I don't typically change diapers when they're wet, only when they're dirty (although that only works because I have really poopy kids). * Sometimes I spend the whole day blogging, checking my email, looking up random crap online, and reading, only coming up for air to get after the kids and give them nourishment. * I absolutely loathe most housework. I can do it and do it well (my mom's a clean-freak, so I've been well-trained), but I hate it. * I almost never make my bed. * Sometimes, I wish I hadn't married so young (19). * I'm jealous of girls that went on missions, they seem so accomplished and spiritual. * I'm a zit popper (drives my husband insane). * I was recently released from my primary calling at church and was immensely relieved. I was going crazy working with kids nearly the same age as my own children, and with all the insanity that goes with that. * Sometimes I wish I could show off a little cleavage on occasion. * I pretend to be a good mom who doesn't want to over-schedule her kids, but really I'm just too lazy to have much structure. * I cook fairly involved meals so I don't feel guilty leaving the housework undone. * I'm a little crazy about the state of my tupperware area. Every lid and bottom has a place and shouldn't be moved. * I'm cheap to a fault. * I didn't wear a bra occasionally during my senior year of high school. It was my way of rebelling without actually doing anything too horrible. Now I just wish I still had the boobs for it. * I'm insane when it comes to matching colors. I'll notice a non-matcher item from 20 paces, I swear it. * I exercise with (minor) make-up on. * I secretly like my butt. It's big and round and makes jean-shopping a nightmare, but after years of praise from some black guy-friends I had in high school, I've come to terms with my posterior. * I seriously think my kids are the most hilarious kids ever. Sorry, but I really, truly do believe they're funnier then your kids. Well, unless your name is Liberty...then your kids hilariousity might possibly trump my own. * I still get sick to my stomach when my mom or dad calls me casually into a different room. It's a throw-back from my childhood when that usually meant I was in trouble and they didn't want to alarm me, causing me to flee the scene. * I prefer hairy men to those clean-chested, clean-faced type. Pretty sure my insistence is the sole reason Spencer currently has a goatee.* I think my feet, toes especially are beautiful. They're my very favorite part of my body. * Speaking of which, I think un-painted female toenails are ugly. * I adore candy. I would eat entire bags of it in a single sitting if given the chance. * My house is currently a disaster, but I think I'm going to ignore it and go to the craft store instead.
There now, that was cleansing. Your turn...
There now, that was cleansing. Your turn...
Monday, May 3, 2010
Guilt
The other day I found myself alone in my house. This doesn't happen often and while I had a list a mile long of things to do, I found myself aimlessly flipping through channels on the TV just because I could without interruption. This landed me on the Ellen Show with guest Jennifer Lopez. I happen to like Jennifer Lopez and so I stopped to listen to the interview. Jennifer Lopez has twins about the age of my son and so the topic of motherhood came up. Ellen asked Lopez what the biggest surprise of motherhood is, that you always hear about how hard it is but it is worth it all and the best thing anyone has ever done. Lopez thought for a few moments and then gave the best answer I've ever heard. The biggest surprise of motherhood, she said, is the guilt. I found myself shouting yes at the TV. Nobody ever told me about the guilt.
You feel guilty doing something by yourself - whether it's taking a shower or going out for an hour. You feel guilty for not liking your body, for picturing where you would be without kids, for not wanting sex, for wanting to pursue your own dreams and hobbies. You feel guilty when the house isn't clean and if you clean it you feel guilty for taking time from your children to clean. You feel guilty when you serve chicken nuggets, french fries, and corn for the umpteenth time because it is the easy way out and everyone is satisfied. Then there is the guilt at the end of the day as you ask yourself were you the best Mom possible. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at my two year old as he peed on my bed. Did I give my children enough hugs? Am I teaching them the things that are important for them to succeed in life?
As I write this my youngest is waking up from her nap and I feel guilty that I am not responding immediately. There is even a small amount of guilt that I took time to write this instead of doing my chores.
Nobody told me about the guilt and nobody has told me how to handle the guilt. So, it all builds up until it overflows in tears and hormones, usually directed toward my husband. And as he holds me and tells me it will all be okay I can't help but feel guilty that he had to come home to such an emotional wife.
You feel guilty doing something by yourself - whether it's taking a shower or going out for an hour. You feel guilty for not liking your body, for picturing where you would be without kids, for not wanting sex, for wanting to pursue your own dreams and hobbies. You feel guilty when the house isn't clean and if you clean it you feel guilty for taking time from your children to clean. You feel guilty when you serve chicken nuggets, french fries, and corn for the umpteenth time because it is the easy way out and everyone is satisfied. Then there is the guilt at the end of the day as you ask yourself were you the best Mom possible. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at my two year old as he peed on my bed. Did I give my children enough hugs? Am I teaching them the things that are important for them to succeed in life?
As I write this my youngest is waking up from her nap and I feel guilty that I am not responding immediately. There is even a small amount of guilt that I took time to write this instead of doing my chores.
Nobody told me about the guilt and nobody has told me how to handle the guilt. So, it all builds up until it overflows in tears and hormones, usually directed toward my husband. And as he holds me and tells me it will all be okay I can't help but feel guilty that he had to come home to such an emotional wife.
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