I've come full circle

I love the movie Legally Blonde.

Now I realize, to many, Legally Blonde is nothing more than a Girl Power waste of time. However, those that just dismiss it as another brainless chick flick with slightly less male characters and a lot more pink are completely missing the point. I was sixteen when I first saw Legally Blonde with my best girlfriend Aubrey. As we lounged in her parents living room, I found myself relating to the struggles and triumphs of Ms. Elle Woods in oh-so-many ways. Somehow, I saw myself in the sassy, opinionated, and chic Elle (without the boobs, blonde hair, or wardrobe, of course). So often in high school, I was completely dismissed because I was perky, cute, and waaaay more than a bit of a flirt. It was automatically assumed I was vapid and empty-headed. I can't even tell you how often I had people insist I was making up a word they didn't recognize because they couldn't fathom I had a bigger vocabulary then they did [insert eye roll here]. Who cares if I say "like" more than my fair share, that doesn't mean I can't be intelligent. So, when I saw Elle deal with the same issues, I guess I just felt understood.


When I graduated from small-town Stillwater High School (Go Pioneers!), it was so refreshing to go to an intellectually-challenging college and have people assume that if you were there, you had to be a relatively smart cookie. I really, really enjoyed that aspect of school. Even when I got married, had my first baby, and was pregnant with my second (at the young age of 22, no less), people still assumed that I had some substance to me.


I'm sorry to say...I've come full circle. I'm once again Elle Woods, with flatter boobs and un-fabulous hair (what I wouldn't do for that volume *sigh*). Now that I'm no longer in school and am at home with three very young kids all. day. long., I find myself being, once again, completely dismissed. When I venture out for the necessary trip to Walmart or even [gasp!] the mall, people look at me like I'm certifiably insane or, even worse, completely through me. I was on a rare Girls Night Out a while back, and I got all excited that the person ringing me up at a store actually *saw* me and even carried on a conversation, no less. I don't know if my girlfriend really understood what the big deal was, but now that she's a mom herself, she probably does now. When people do talk to me, I often find myself talked down to. I don't know if they think because I procreate I must be an idiot or what. It's like, "Hello! I do have three children, but I do know how babies are made, I am aware of birth control, and I do have intelligent opinions! Thanks, buh-bye now." Never does someone ask me about my opinion on politics or religion or even the latest bestseller, they just ask me about my children...and that's about it. Don't get me wrong, I love talking about my kids, baby names, and potty-training, but I do have a brain just north of my uterus. So, while Elle lamented, "All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs," I'm complaining that all people see when they look at me is overactive kids and the mommy uniform.

Maybe I'm overreacting...heaven knows, I'm venting...I guess I'd just like someone to reassure me I'm not alone in feeling like this.

Anyone?

The Perfect Mother

Have you noticed there is this insane pressure to be the perfect mother? No wait - not just the prefect mother but the perfect woman? We should all have perfectly toned bodies, great hair, beautiful make-up, clothes that are in style, we should be able to cook and cook nutritiously (because heaven forbid anything pre-processed touch our child's lips!), keep a clean, organized house, work part-time or volunteer or have some interest outside of the house, be educated, well-read, musically or artistically talented, a great wife and supporter of our husbands, and have a house that looks like a million bucks but really you hardly spent a dime on it. Then there is our children. They should be perfectly cleaned and groomed, be able to read and write by the time they are one, involved in a multiple number of sports, music lessons, dance lessons, art lessons, they should start prepping for the SAT by the time they are four, never act-up in public, never say/do anything naughty, and always be polite little angels.

Are you laughing yet? Yah right - that's not very realistic?! Right? Right - but how come we find we are always defending ourselves? I hear my friends do this and I do this a lot. "Oh, sorry the house is a mess, it's just one of those days" or "please excuse the mess" or "I promise, my kid doesn't eat chicken nuggets everyday" or "I need to work-out, it's just tough right now."

Well, I'm rebelling. I don't work-out because I don't want to. My son eats french fries because he likes them and I let him. My house is always in a state of mild messiness - it's just a fact of life. I buy stuff for myself; it makes me feel good. I let my child learn by play - he's only going to be one once, why pressure him unnecessarily?

I propose we stop defending ourselves. We are all human. Take a page out of your child's book and just be yourself. You don't find your child defending his/herself, do you? Repeat after me:

I will be confident in who I am.
I will accept myself and my fellow Moms just the way they are.
I will not defend myself against an unrealistic expectation.
I will be understanding and not judge my fellow Moms.

Who's with me?!

What's a girl to do?

I have zits. I'm also getting wrinkles. The fact that the two of those are happening simultaneously on my face is frankly, friggin' ridiculous and absolutely no fair. I blame the spots on my nursing mommy, post-pregnancy insane hormones (I'm allowed to be post-pregnancy for at least a year, right? right???). It seems I have the raging, zit-causing hormones of a teenager, without any of the fun ones ( ;) ;) ). The wrinkles are, of course, caused from having three children, 3 and under.

So...what's a girl to do?

I've been using my old faithful face wash and lotion, the ones I've used off-and-on since the ripe old age of 15, but they're just not cutting it anymore. I'm just kind of floundering right now. I know I need to shake things up and try something new...but as I'm extreeeemely cheap, I don't like to try new things without at least a recommendation first (what, y'all don't get a second opinion on everything from toilet paper to hairspray before you switch brands?). So if you use something you love that helps with either or both of my issues, I would just love to hear about it (or even if you don't and just want to commiserate, that's great too, you know, whatever).

Move over Mr. Darcy!

On the suggestion of one of our readers, I decided to watch North & South, a BBC mini-series. (Thanks Liberty!) Thanks to Netflix and instant download I was able to watch it over a period of days during my son's nap-times. It didn't take me long to fall in love with Mr. Thornton.

Yes, that's right, my new fictional crush is Mr. Thornton. Sorry, Mr. Darcy. You were amazing, complex, noble, and somewhat broody, but Mr. Thornton puts you to shame. He's not prideful, he's passionate, which in his case is both a virtue and a vice. He is, in my humble opinion, hands down a more complex character than Mr. Darcy. And you've gotta love Richard Armitage, the actor who plays Mr. Thornton. *Warning: After the pictures is a spoiler.*



Isn't he just HOT?

And here he is as the broody Mr. Thornton...


I don't know if it's just my pregnancy hormones raging, or if Richard Armitage is just that good of an actor, but the closing sequence of the story was one of the most romantic scenes every portrayed. The smile, the kiss, the emotion so plainly written on both Mr. Thornton and Miss Hale's faces was just incredible.

And so I put my very high recommendation in with Liberty's to watch North & South, and I ask, who are your fictional crushes?

Oh - and yes dearest husband, you are still the hottest guy I know both in reality and fiction. :)

The Plague Among Us

Normally I try to make my posts light-hearted and somewhat humorous as an outlet for my creative side during the dog-days of child-rearing...however, today I'd like to discuss something I don't consider much of a laughing matter: pornography.

I belong to a small message board of Latter-day Saint (LDS) mothers, and recently, there was a thread about the level of concern pornography was for us as wife and mothers. I was absolutely s.h.o.c.k.e.d. to learn that over half of the women polled replied that pornography was of little to no worry to them. These women, all of which are members of the LDS church and know our leaders' great level of concern regarding pornography, simply didn't believe the issue will touch them and their family. I am telling you now...pornography is an issue I strongly believe affects everyone to some degree, whether it is your son, husband, friend, brother-in-law, cousin, or co-worker.

There are 40 million adults who regularly visit Internet pornography websites in the United Sates alone. The largest consumer of Internet pornography is 35 - 49 age group; those are not hormonal adolescents, but men and women with spouses and families. The industry is expanding at an alarming rate: in 1988 there were 1,300 hardcore pornography titles released in the U.S.; in 2005 there were 13,588, and the numbers continue to rise. When I searched the subject of pornography on lds.org, I brought up 831 results. Eight hundred and thirty-one. To say the brethren are concerned about pornography is a serious understatement.

Pornography is absolutely devasting to a marriage It takes what is beautiful and sacred and turns it into filth and evil. Pornography degrades sex. It dehumanizes the participants and those who witness it. The sexual side of the marriage is no longer just between the man and wife, but the man, wife, and playboy bunny he's been "seeing" on the side. It hurts wives. It bewilders children. It destroys families and marriages.

One of my biggest concerns is the apathy towards pornography and masturbation that is evident in today's society. Time and time again I have attended classes and read articles that inform me both things are normal and even natural. That as a mother and wife, I should not attempt to prevent and disallow these things, but that I should accept them or even embrace them. When readers and students ask how to counsel our children and help our husbands avoid pornography, we find no help, instead are accused of being narrow-minded and over-protective.

Our children are at high risk. The amount of pornography available is increasingly rising and our children's access to it, whether they're actively seeking it or not. The average age of a child's first internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old. As of 2002, 9 out of 10 children aged between the ages of 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the internet, in most cases unintentionally. If you don't talk to and protect your children from pornography, who will?

I'm not going to claim I'm not telling you this to alarm you, because I am. I want you to be alarmed. I want you to go to great lengths to protect your families from this plague. This is an imminent danger that we need to address now.

While we can't guarantee that our husbands and children won't be exposed to pornography or seek it out themselves, we can protect our homes from it to the best of our ability. Keep your computer in an open area in your home and, if possible, filter it. Put uplifting messages around it. Talk to your children about what they're looking at on the internet and the dangers that lurk there. Keep talking with them about it. Ask your husband if he's being true to you, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Continue to ask him. Send a picture of your family with him when he's away on business. Help your family avoid the traps. I know these seem like silly, little things, but they will add up and hopefully, protect your family. You can't make the decisions for them, they have their free agency, but you can provide them with a loving, spiritual haven to come home to, giving them a reason and helping them find the ability to stay clean.

Women Seek Revenge

Anyone heard this story? A married man in Wisconsin was cheating on his wife with at least five other women. The wife found out and instead of getting upset with the women she called them and let the know what was happening - that her husband was a scumbag. She recruited three of the women to help her plot revenge. One of them lured the man to a hotel, convinced him to be tied to the bed and blindfolded for a "massage" then texted the other women to let them know all was ready. They then abused, superglued a sensitive part of the man's body to his thigh, and took off with his cell phone, car and keys. The man and offending appendage are alright, however, all four women are being charged with sexual degradation and the man has become the victim. (For the complete story click here). Is this right?

I know I laughed when I first heard the story, felt a little pity for the man, and then got to thinking. This man not only betrayed and conned over five women, he broke a legally binding contract with his wife. My understanding is that when a man and woman are legally joined together in matrimony they essentially sign an understanding stating that they will be faithful to each other. While this may not show up specifically on the Marriage License it is exchanged in the vows they make to each other. How come, when these vows are broken, there are no legal actions to be taken short of divorce?

My question is this: if a man or woman cheat on each other in the bonds of marriage should there be legal action taken? At the very least the couple should enter counseling, or the offending party should take some kind of "control your hormones" course, kind of like anger management. When there is spousal abuse the law can step in, so why not step-in when there is infidelity (which could arguably be a form of abuse)? What do you think?

Let me give you a few pointers, my Dear

Dear Husband,

It seems that our daily lunch hour phone calls are a little lacking, leaving both of us unsatisfied. I'm here to give you a few kindly suggestions. Let me remind you how today's conversation went:

You: Hello Honey, how's your day going?
Me: Fine. *sigh* I just seem to be having such a hard time getting things done...how's your day been?
You: Um...nothing much going on. Just, you know, the usual. How 'bout you?
Me: I don't know...the kids have been pretty rough.
[uncomfortable pause]
You: Well...um...anything else? If not...I guess I'll go...

And that was about all of that. Your desire to quickly get off the phone was oh-so-obvious. I realize you don't like to discuss the unpleasantness of potty training a 2 year old and disciplining a snotty 3 year old and juggling a crying infant, but my dear, welcome to my life. I'm not sure what you expect me to tell you when you call me-regale you with the joys of motherhood and quirky, yet adorable, things our darling, rosy-cheeked children do? Sorry, dearest, but not today.

Let's review that phone call again, this time possibly making a few small tweaks along the way.

You: Hello Honey, how's your day going?
Me: Fine. *sigh* I just seem to be having such a hard time getting things done...how's your day been?
You: It's been ok, although obviously not as rough as your day has been, from the sounds of it. What's the problem?
Me: Well...Toddler keeps taking her pants and diaper off, all while pinching Infant. Preschooler, for some reason, decided it's ok to show all of our neighbors his bare bum while he ran around the yard. [can you tell my kids prefer nudity? they do. it's odd.] Infant is also teething, which makes her naps nearly non-existent. etc. etc. etc.
You: I'm so, so sorry, darling, most beautiful and wonderful wife. You must be so stressed! [yes, real men do use exclamation points] What can I do to make things easier?
Me: Oh, it's ok. That's just life.
You: No, I think you need a break. How about I take the kids off your hands for a while tonight and you can get whatever you need to done/curl up with a good book/finish that craft that's collecting dust. Or, if you'd prefer we can go window shopping for a couch/to NY & Co and buy you a dress/out to dinner [insert any other fabulous suggestion here]. What do you think?
Me: Well...you're probably right. A break/take-out/diamond jewelery usually does a lot of good. Thanks honey, you're so great.

Ahhh, can you feel the love and happiness all around? Now, my dear, consider yourself taught.

Sincerely,
Your Loving Wife

Please tell me I'm not the only one whose husband doesn't have a clue what to say on the phone when I'm having a rough day.