Sunday, March 28, 2010

The "Those Moms" Myth

So often we, as mothers, heck as women, base our feelings about ourselves on a quick comparison to the other women and mothers around us. We view that ten minute interaction with them, and then continue to compare ourselves to it (typically negatively) for the rest of the day. Why do we do this to ourselves? Surely we know that what we're seeing can't possibly be the real them? Don't we? I realized during a conversation with my sister the other day, that I just might be one of "those moms" to a few women I know. Heaven forbid anyone think I'm a Super Mom. I'm here to tell you it's all crap. C-R-Aaaaa-P. To prove it, I'll be the first one on the chopping block:

Things That Other Moms Might See:
*I make my own bread.
*I sew.
*I cook a real dinner everyday, basically from scratch.
*My girls always have bows in their hair.
*I always have makeup on and my hair mostly done.
*I celebrate the minor holidays with my kids. St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, that sort of thing.
*I blog regularly.
*When the need arises, I can do all sorts of other crafty things.

Now, let's take a look at that list again...

*I make my own bread.
(and somehow manage to under-cook, over-cook, or otherwise bungle it up regularly.)
*I sew.
(and would be lying to say I haven't cursed at my machine more then once while doing it.)
*I cook a real dinner everyday, basically from scratch.
(and somehow manage to burn, over-salt, under-salt, or over-garlic it regularly, not to mention it doesn't really matter what I put on the table, my kids aren't touching it with a ten foot pole.)
*My girls always have bows in their hair.
(and scream the entire time I'm putting them in, causing me to scream back at them. Oh, and if you ever see us at home versus out and about, chances are not only will they not have bows in, but they'll most likely be naked too.)
*I always have makeup on and my hair mostly done.
(that would only be because I reeealllly don't like how I look otherwise. That and I have the skin and hair of a greasy, mid-puberty teenager)
*I celebrate the minor holidays with my kids. St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, that sort of thing.
(which, really, is only to give me something to fill up my very blank schedule with. My husband has his work projects to work towards, I have Cinco de Mayo.)
*I blog regularly.
(and spend waaaay too much time on the computer doing other things that don't fit in the "it's okay because it's an electronic journal" category.)
*When the need arises, I can do all sorts of other crafty things.
(and my house, routine, and children go entirely to pot for the week of said craft.)

...not only all those other things, but I yell at my kids...a lot, actually. Not only do I yell at them, but some days I long to return them to the counter in exchange for my pre-baby boobs, belly, and schedule. In fact, (dare I say it?) there are a lot of days where I really don't even like them, like at all. My house is nearly always a mess. Not just the "oh, don't look close, because I swear I have cookie crumbs on my spotless floor" sort of mess, more like "it qualifies as a national disaster, let's call in the National Guard" sort of mess. I nearly never dust and only scrub my bathtub when it's really, really gross. I live on string cheese during the day because I'm too harried to eat. I never exercise (and only manage to lose the baby weight because of the aforementioned string cheese diet). My kids are picky brats who manage to get away with murder all too often. In fact, during everything on that silly list up there, there's a good chance that my house is a mess and I'm yelling at my kids while doing any of them. Let's look at a few of the other moms I know:

Mom 1:
Has absolutely gorgeous kids that she dresses to the nines. Hair combed, curled, the whole she-bang. Not only are her kids gorgeous, but she's gorgeous. In fact, her house is gorgeous too. Yep, she's definitely one of "those moms".
(and her kids watch too much TV, she hates cleaning, spends a heck of a lot of time getting her and her kids ready to leave the house, yells at her kids a lot, and doesn't like to cook dinner if it involves more then 3 ingredients.)

Mom 2:
Manages to beat us all with having 4 fabulous children. They're adorable and always put-together. Oh, and her house...absolutely spotless.
(and she sometimes daydreams of stuffing all her children in a small box under her bed....and then leaving for the beach to go lay in the sun and read a book. The occasional
curse word? yep, she says it. And you guessed it...she yells at her kids too.)

Mom 3:
Has an adorable child, is always unruffled and patient, just a very put-together, on top of it girl. Not only that, but she's writing a book and has a small online business.
(...actually, I haven't figured out Mom 3's weaknesses yet...but because she's human, I'm absolutely positive she has some of them).

My point is not to point out the flaws of other moms, but to remind us all that they have them in the first place. Chances are, that those women that you're comparing yourself to are comparing themselves to half a dozen other women that too. Heck, you're probably one of the moms she's comparing herself negatively to too. None of us are perfect, none of us are Super Moms...actually, scratch that last statement. We're ALL Super Moms, simply because we show up each morning (especially if it's at 2:00am for nursing) and give ourselves to our children all day long. We breathe, sweat, cry, live for our children. We have the single hardest, most important job on earth because their world really does depend on us. So, instead of beating ourselves up, let's just try to build each other up, remembering that we're all in this together and we're all just trying to do our best. So, next time you see one of "those moms," instead of making faces at her in your head, give her a big ol' hug because she's probably having a bad hair day and has spit-up down her back.

7 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post! As one of those not-so-fab at everything women, I need to look at what I do accomplish-at least partly well...I'm fabbity-fab at dancing around my house to loud music...Here's to lifting me up!

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  2. Thank you! I needed that...lol. My mom came to visit this weekend, and she wondered why peat moss that is supposed to be in the bottom of my ficus tree had been scratched away dug out and is basically MIA, (I'll give ya two guesses...lol) then went on to proceed that i should cover it up with more greenery (there were remnants left of the last cover up) then she looked at my like "why haven't you gotten your butt up off that couch and done something about it"... my mom was one of "those moms" 20 years ago.. I have to hope that all the bad memories fad away and that in 20 years, I will be too!lol

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  3. Oooo, I loved this post! Thank you for reminding me that "those moms" have flaws too, even if I haven't seen them. You are a fantatic mom and I'm impressed you laid it out for all to see so others can get a better perspective of their flaws. Hmmm, I do love the thought of stuffing my kids in a small box and running away to the beach, too. Here's to my next fabulous day dream to help me cope when I'd rather not. Love you!!

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  4. Ummm, while I love the point of this post, I'm still feeling rather depressed after reading it. Maybe I'm just in a vulnerable-emotional state right now. ;) Seriously though, you are one amazing Mom and I look up to you so much. And I do need to remember that everyone is not perfect (and my husband reminds me of this regularly).

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  5. Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey, cut yourself some slack, girly! Your youngest is still SO DARN LITTLE! Ask me what I'm getting done during the day when I have a newborn and there's a whole lot of nothing involved. I seriously don't even make dinner or clean regularly AT ALL! Seriously, honey, don't be so hard on yourself, you're still definitely in survival mode. My youngest is 17 months! Your youngest is like half a second!

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  6. oh yeah, I remember the early days! David would come home and I would be in sweats and I was lucky to have dallin w/ a T-shirt on. Aubrey never matched...she dressed herself. Those were my "on strike days". Don't beat yourselves up. Some people weren't meant to have clean houses and some of us were meant to have "neat" houses. As long as your kids are happy and loved that is all that counts.

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  7. Mom number 3's weakness? She only has one child!!!!! We could all do that with only one!

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