Monday, February 22, 2010

Just don't call it Puppy Love

Lately, it seems I've been musing a lot on all my old high school flames. Not necessarily in the Brian Adams, Summer of '69, "Those were the best days of my life" sort of way, more of the Garth Brooks, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers" variety. I'll hear Blink 182's First Date (I know, I know, enough with the songs already) or someone who resembles an old boyfriend (I was at this tiny, hole in the wall, Chinese restaurant the other day and I saw some tall, skinny teenage boy who had a loping, swinging gait and it killed me how much he reminded me of my first love)...and I'll just remember. It's hard not to, I suppose, when you have all the typical high highs and low lows of teenagehood...and then some. You see, not only was I a serial dater, but I was the serial serious relationship kind of dater. I really, truly fell head over feet (nearly) every single time I professed I did.

I sometimes feel kind of sorry for the poor boys who wooed me so. They didn't know they were getting themselves stuck in a huge, boiling vat of tumultuous emotions. I know it's a cliche to say that girls are more emotionally mature then boys, but I'm still sayin' it. I was so much more ready for a Serious Commitment then the poor boys I fell for. So, when they said they loved me...I believed it. And then when they stopped saying it, I took it really, really, reeeealllly hard.

"So, what's your point?" some might ask. "Why the walk down memory lane?" Well, partly I just like to hear myself think out loud. But, aside from that, there are three conclusions I've come to in my recent musings on Exs.

#1. I'm really, really worried for my girls. I don't know if there are many mothers out there who stay up late at night worrying about when their toddler girls hit the dating years, but I do. They'll just be so vulnerable with their rose tinted glasses and their high, in the sky, apple pie hopes. And, well, teenage boys, with their raging hormones and just in the moment mentality, can be really (unintentionally or otherwise) cruel. I can only pray that my girls decide to ignore boys (other than the necessary Prom date, of course) for the entirety of their high school years. I have two very pretty, vivacious girls (if I do say so myself), so I know that's a slim chance. If they do decide to date and even *gasp* fall hard for a guy, I just hope they'll trust me to listen and allow me to help pick up the pieces of their spirit when it ends.

#2. Despite what it might sound like, I don't really regret 99% of those relationships. Here's another cliche for you, but I learned so much from those star crossed loves. Not only did I learn about relationships, but I learned all about myself and what I needed in the guy I was going to spend forever with. So, when I found a guy who was worth keeping, a guy who had the potential to be my better half, I kept him. There's a running joke in my family that I dragged my husband into marriage, kicking and screaming. While that's not mostly true, it's also not a complete falsehood, either. Basically I found a fabulous guy who actually thought I was kinda, sorta fabulous too and I hung on. I stuck it out and waited around for him to decide he wanted to marry me. I put up with all his temporary indecision because, after multiple doomed relationships, I knew I had found a guy worth waiting for.

#3. I'm really, reeeallly glad I'm on the other side of things. I'm glad that I can honestly say to all those poor, immature boys who crushed my heart under their converse-clad soles that I am so. happy. with how things ended up. That things are going smashingly for me. I have 3 beautiful, fabulous children who resemble my handsome husband, a husband that actually values me, who thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful...not to mention the fact that I look pretty darn good for having had 3 babies so close together. I loved those boys with all of my heart and soul, each and every one of them, but at the end of the day, I'm so, so, SO glad I didn't marry any of them.

How about y'all? Do you worry about your future teenage children? Any songs or sights that take you right back? Am I the only one who thinks about these sorts of things?


  1. No, you're not the only who thinks about these sort of things. In fact, I've been thinking about them sooo much lately (mainly due to the post-partum hormones) that I had my husband slightly worried until he realized I was, a. working through strong emotions, and b. relating some of my past to him. And I do worry about what my children will be like in high school, if my girl turns out as a lovesick teenager I will be sending her your way. :)

    As for songs and sights - every time I drive into our home town, Alanis Morisette, actually lots of music will pull me back to high school (which is a whole other interesting conversation I was having with my husband).

  2. Ahhh, Ms. Morisette. She was always there for the ups and downs, wasn't she, Aub. I so know what you mean. Also, Blink, All American Rejects, Jimmy Eat World, and a bazillion others = high school.

  3. Amen Sista!~ nope, I don't have girls to worry about but I do have a few words of advice for my boys! (from a girls perspective) I will have them so afraid of girls, the won't dream of dealing with girls until they turn 22.. lol. But yes every time certain songs come on the radio or i see a Certain 1990's beater driving down the road, i go down memory lane and thank heaven for the fact that mormon guys go on missions... otherwise I would have married that first love of mine and never had known all the happiness i am now enjoying!

  4. As a girl who didn't date (at all, not once) in high school, I think I'll be on the opposite end of the boy/girl relationship equation. I'm worried my handsome, charismatic boys will follow their father's footsteps and jump from relationship to relationship. My dream is for my boys to date lots of girls casually so they can all have fun and the girls will feel special at least for one night. I never got that.
    Anyways, as to music, I might date myself here but I loved Boys to Men, Lisa Loeb, the Pretty Woman soundtrack, Matchbox 20, and some others I can't remember the names of. (It's been a while) Oddly enough, classical music really brings me back to high school. I played in an amazing youth orchestra, so whenver I hear Dvorak's New World Symphony, Russian Christmas Music (Tchaikovsky, I think), or even the theme to Jurassic Park, I'm back in high school playing in that orchestra and loving it. Thanks Whitney for helping me to remember who I once was. ;D

  5. I think the important thing to remember is to teach your sons and daughters that they are children of their Heavenly Father. That they're bodies are temples. I never worried about Aubrey because I knew her standards were set high, and that she would not go out with anyone who didn't have those high standards. We have always taught our girls if you don't like the situation you are in, ALWAYS call your parents or another adult to come get you.
    Another important thing is to have an open communication with your children. our children have always been able to come and talk to us about anything. and we have talked to them as well. KeLei is now 16 and old enough to date. She excited about the prospect but also wise to the dealings that are going on around you.
    Our son was totally opposite. He has always had problems growing up, and it has seem to follow him where ever he goes. He is slowly coming back to church, and realizing he is worth something in our eyes.
    I have to say though the young men that I would want my daughters to go out with have respect for their mothers. To you young mothers I say watch the boys and see how they react to their moms. Also teach your sons to respect you and the young women around them. In the end it all pays off.

  6. Ha! I'm not worried about my boys. They're going to be so nerdy that the girls won't pay attention...

    But really, don't worry - just teach.