Lately, it seems I've been musing a lot on all my old high school flames. Not necessarily in the Brian Adams, Summer of '69, "Those were the best days of my life" sort of way, more of the Garth Brooks, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers" variety. I'll hear Blink 182's First Date (I know, I know, enough with the songs already) or someone who resembles an old boyfriend (I was at this tiny, hole in the wall, Chinese restaurant the other day and I saw some tall, skinny teenage boy who had a loping, swinging gait and it killed me how much he reminded me of my first love)...and I'll just remember. It's hard not to, I suppose, when you have all the typical high highs and low lows of teenagehood...and then some. You see, not only was I a serial dater, but I was the serial serious relationship kind of dater. I really, truly fell head over feet (nearly) every single time I professed I did.
I sometimes feel kind of sorry for the poor boys who wooed me so. They didn't know they were getting themselves stuck in a huge, boiling vat of tumultuous emotions. I know it's a cliche to say that girls are more emotionally mature then boys, but I'm still sayin' it. I was so much more ready for a Serious Commitment then the poor boys I fell for. So, when they said they loved me...I believed it. And then when they stopped saying it, I took it really, really, reeeealllly hard.
"So, what's your point?" some might ask. "Why the walk down memory lane?" Well, partly I just like to hear myself think out loud. But, aside from that, there are three conclusions I've come to in my recent musings on Exs.
#1. I'm really, really worried for my girls. I don't know if there are many mothers out there who stay up late at night worrying about when their toddler girls hit the dating years, but I do. They'll just be so vulnerable with their rose tinted glasses and their high, in the sky, apple pie hopes. And, well, teenage boys, with their raging hormones and just in the moment mentality, can be really (unintentionally or otherwise) cruel. I can only pray that my girls decide to ignore boys (other than the necessary Prom date, of course) for the entirety of their high school years. I have two very pretty, vivacious girls (if I do say so myself), so I know that's a slim chance. If they do decide to date and even *gasp* fall hard for a guy, I just hope they'll trust me to listen and allow me to help pick up the pieces of their spirit when it ends.
#2. Despite what it might sound like, I don't really regret 99% of those relationships. Here's another cliche for you, but I learned so much from those star crossed loves. Not only did I learn about relationships, but I learned all about myself and what I needed in the guy I was going to spend forever with. So, when I found a guy who was worth keeping, a guy who had the potential to be my better half, I kept him. There's a running joke in my family that I dragged my husband into marriage, kicking and screaming. While that's not mostly true, it's also not a complete falsehood, either. Basically I found a fabulous guy who actually thought I was kinda, sorta fabulous too and I hung on. I stuck it out and waited around for him to decide he wanted to marry me. I put up with all his temporary indecision because, after multiple doomed relationships, I knew I had found a guy worth waiting for.
#3. I'm really, reeeallly glad I'm on the other side of things. I'm glad that I can honestly say to all those poor, immature boys who crushed my heart under their converse-clad soles that I am so. happy. with how things ended up. That things are going smashingly for me. I have 3 beautiful, fabulous children who resemble my handsome husband, a husband that actually values me, who thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful...not to mention the fact that I look pretty darn good for having had 3 babies so close together. I loved those boys with all of my heart and soul, each and every one of them, but at the end of the day, I'm so, so, SO glad I didn't marry any of them.
How about y'all? Do you worry about your future teenage children? Any songs or sights that take you right back? Am I the only one who thinks about these sorts of things?