My SIL sent me this article and reading it helped me realize something about myself.
Is it sad that I had to read an article to have a self-revelation? I hope not.
Anyway, read the article if you can, but the summary is that she realized she was carrying around this guilt because she wasn't living in bliss every single moment of the day and she felt like she wasn't appreciating her children. She talks about having people come up to her in the store saying to "enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast."
Haven't we all heard that one before? I realized, just like her, hearing this made me feel guilty. So, I've been carrying around this guilt because most of the time I'm frustrated, near tears, and NOT enjoying every moment with my children.
To add to it, I decided my problem was that I wasn't being positive enough, so I made a goal to be more positive, enjoy the small moments, and try to relax. But this didn't really help because in the end I just felt more guilty.
I've decided instead I need to be more honest with myself. Here's my confession. This week has sucked. The kids have pushed me to my limits physically, mentally, and emotionally. Each day has ended with me close to tears and exhausted.
Do I hate being a mother? No, not at all. I look forward to every day and all the happy moments that make-up for the not-so-happy moments and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
However, after this week and reading the above mentioned article, I can unashamedly conclude that this week was hard. Just like everything else in life, being a Mother is hard and difficult, and just like with everything else in life it's okay to admit that every now and then.
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Mothering is H.A.R.D.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, it is okay to struggle with keeping our "Susie Homemaker/Mother of the year" persona at all times. Bleh.
Also, more often than not, Guilt is a tool of the adversary, when not used in self-reflection and/or self improvement. We are given each new day for a reason! I've learned I am NOT the patient person I once dubbed myself, and I am NOT always tolerant. I just hope that somewhere along the way I'm learning something, and that I'm not too proud to change when it's needed, but also maintain my honesty in just how hard this job is.
Loved the article. I agree with everything you said and Coty said. It is so, so, hard, but worth it all. I am learning so much about myself, the Lord and my children everyday. Most days are awfully hard with moments that give you smiles. The guilt is something I struggle with SO much. I trying to learn to let some things go and focus on what I feel is important to me. Love ya, doll, and don't worry, you are doing your best and that is amazing.
ReplyDeleteFirst off...
ReplyDeleteLOVED that article! I live for the crystal-clear, perfect moments. The wonderful, golden, time-stands-still moments. THAT is why I'm a mother.
Secondly...
Sweetie, you've got to let go of the guilt. Just let it go. I KNOW you a wonderful, fabulous, amazing mother. It doesn't matter if you lose your temper or serve pancakes for dinner...I know you and I know that you're doing smashingly. You just have to stop beating yourself up about all the things you AREN'T doing. You kids aren't going to remember that their mom didn't make them fresh cookies 4 times a week, they're just going to remember that she did that one time and they were fabulous. They're not going to be scarred if some days you just let them chill on the couch while you folded laundry. You are doing the best that you can and that's good enough, I promise, promise, promise. That's all the Lord has ever asked from us. Love you.