Hot Chocolate Talk

Sucks

2012-01-20T12:59:00.003-06:00

My SIL sent me this article and reading it helped me realize something about myself.

Is it sad that I had to read an article to have a self-revelation? I hope not.

Anyway, read the article if you can, but the summary is that she realized she was carrying around this guilt because she wasn't living in bliss every single moment of the day and she felt like she wasn't appreciating her children. She talks about having people come up to her in the store saying to "enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast."

Haven't we all heard that one before? I realized, just like her, hearing this made me feel guilty. So, I've been carrying around this guilt because most of the time I'm frustrated, near tears, and NOT enjoying every moment with my children.

To add to it, I decided my problem was that I wasn't being positive enough, so I made a goal to be more positive, enjoy the small moments, and try to relax. But this didn't really help because in the end I just felt more guilty.

I've decided instead I need to be more honest with myself. Here's my confession. This week has sucked. The kids have pushed me to my limits physically, mentally, and emotionally. Each day has ended with me close to tears and exhausted.

Do I hate being a mother? No, not at all. I look forward to every day and all the happy moments that make-up for the not-so-happy moments and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

However, after this week and reading the above mentioned article, I can unashamedly conclude that this week was hard. Just like everything else in life, being a Mother is hard and difficult, and just like with everything else in life it's okay to admit that every now and then.

Lazy Mom

2012-01-05T10:45:00.002-06:00

I just shoved some nick-knacks (random pieces of toys, a couple of papers, leftover Christmas stuff) under the TV stand.

Why?

I could come up with a million reasons, some of them quite good.

But really, I'm just lazy and a little tired of picking up stuff.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does things like this!

After denial comes acceptance.

2011-12-27T14:18:00.000-06:00

As I was trying on cardigans at NY & Co yesterday morning, I came to the conclusion that I look like a mom.

I'm nearly 27.

I drive a mini-van.

I have 4 kids.

It was bound to happen eventually.

If any of y'all ever catch me sporting mom jeans, please just kill me.

The Christmas Spirit

2011-12-15T13:33:00.004-06:00

I have my radio station tuned to Christmas only music.

I have my cinnamon candles burning.

I've had my fair share of Christmas cookies and hot chocolate.

My lights are up on the house, my Christmas tree is set with ornaments on the top half of the tree only (the plastic, non-breakable ones on the bottom of the tree keep mysteriously disappearing...), and my decorations are up.

We've been teaching the kids about the Nativity story.

Heck - I've even wrapped some Christmas presents. But it wasn't until today, when I left Wal-Mart feeling like I had spent half of our paycheck on gimmicky stuff such as a Lightning McQueen Bubble Bath, Tinker Bell coloring kit, candy canes, and Pez dispensers that I really felt in the Christmas Spirit.

happy fluff

2011-12-06T10:07:00.000-06:00

In the words of my friend, Kyra, who shared this with me...

the best bit of happy fluff you'll see all day :)

enjoy.

me and my margarine

2011-12-02T19:02:00.000-06:00

I'm completely off dairy while nursing since The Baby has a suspected cow's milk allergy. Luckily we've done this all before with The Kindergartener when he was an extremely fussy baby...and toddler...and preschooler (not much has changed these days except for his dairy intake :P), so I have my old milk and butter substitution stand-bys. It's always a cooking comfort to know that there's 100% dairy-free margarine out there.

It's also very disturbing to know there's 100% dairy-free margarine out there.

Kinda makes you think, doesn't it? ;)

ps-in case you were wondering, Blue Bonnet Light is my go-to dairy-free margarine

Weather

2011-11-09T19:04:00.002-06:00

My Mom says she can tell a cold front is moving in because it gives her a headache.

I, too, have a sign the weather is about to change. Crazy children.

This week alone we've had nudity, screaming, jumping off couches, mud tracked through the house, cereal everywhere from the living room to the kids bedrooms, and an endless amount of dirty underwear.

This is actually a typical day in our household, but it has been magnified by 10, at least.

You know what I mean? Where your kids aren't doing anything our of the ordinary, they are just doing it bigger, louder, and crazier?

Yup, definitely blaming it on the weather.

@#$#0%! butterfingers.

2011-11-02T09:59:00.001-05:00

I've gained four pounds in well under a week.

The Halloween candy and I are not on speaking terms.

@#$#0%! butterfingers.

Since I'm guessin' I'm not the only one with this issue, I'm sharing a fabulous little tip sent to me by my cousin-in-law, Jamie. She did this with her kids and their candy and I'm planning on doing it too.

Introducing the Halloween Candy Christmas Countdown...

Have your kids pick out 25 favorite pieces of their Halloween candy and make Christmas countdown chains with it. Lay a long piece of saran wrap on the floor, place the candy in the middle, fold over each side and tie in between each piece with ribbon. It's helpful to use a different color of ribbon for each kid so that they will know which ones is theirs. Store the loot safely on a shelf until December 1st and then reveal!

Awkward

2011-10-25T14:54:00.002-05:00

Is it just me, or does it seem like because you are a mom it entitles complete strangers to ask you personal questions?

Usually I don't mind answering questions, I'm sort of an open book in that way. But there is one question that I seem to get asked a lot, especially lately, that just makes me feel a bit awkward.

"So, now that you have a boy and a girl, are you done?"

Why does it make me feel awkward?

It comes from complete strangers - like the sales rep at the car dealership, or the cashier at WalMart, or the waiter at a restaurant, or the annoyed patron at a store - and leaves me wondering how they expect me to respond. Sometimes they are truly curious and sometimes they are a bit demeaning in a she-can-barely-control-the-two-she-has-oh-please-don't-let-her-have-another sort of way.

I usually answer with "Oh depends on the day... we'll see." But I'm half tempted to answer with "Actually, my husband and I have a goal to have more kids than the Duggar family, so watch out!"

2011-10-19T20:32:00.002-05:00

i·ro·ny
: incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result

Example:

Mothers everywhere embrace the bulge-hiding magic of the color black and it's ability to make the wearer look effortlessly chic instead of frumpy.

Black is the color that a baby's spit-up shows most prominently, instantaneously making one look like a frump.

Bring this to the dinner table.

2011-10-15T20:05:00.004-05:00

As most of our readers know, Aubrey and I are both members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Over many a Mormon dinner table, it's always a favorite topic of conversation to make up a list of whose-who of Mormons (it was always that pesky Steve Martin. is he? isn't he? I'm gonna go with isn't). I've long known that Brandon Flowers, lead singer of The Killers was raised as a Latter-day Saint, but I'd always assumed that, being in the business he's in, his religious roots had withered and gone the way of the world.

Turns out I was wrong.

So, next time the whose-who of Mormon conversation comes up, feel free to bring this one to the dinner table.

Really, folks? Really?

2011-10-06T16:03:00.001-05:00

I was at Wal-mart today and the "as seen on TV!" section caught my eye (I have an almost-3 year old who insists she needs a pillow pet for her upcoming birthday). To my horror, this little number was front and center.

Really, folks? Really? Has society really gotten to the point that zip-up adult jammies are this year's must-have Christmas item. I thought the snuggie was bad enough, but do we really need "zippered hatches in front and back, for great escapes when duty calls?"

Heaven help us.

Husband Fashion Woes

2011-09-29T12:12:00.003-05:00

The other day, my sister-in-law said how she needs to fix my dear brother-in-law's fashion taste... I think my BIL is a rather classy dresser (especially his business casual clothing) and compared to his brother, my husband, he is a REALLY nice dresser. Her comments made me wonder what she thinks of my fashion... which is a LOT better than it used to be thanks to fellow-blogger Whitney who convinced me that baggy jeans and t-shirts should not be my "dress-up" clothing, but I digress.

See, my husband has two big things going against him. 1. He's an engineer. 2. He's a COMPUTER engineer.

Over the years I've slowly talked him out of tucking-in his t-shirts, wearing cargo-pants, and buttoning the top button of his dress shirts. His hair is a whole other story, I like his hair longer, and by that I mean more than 1/2 inch, he likes it shorter, and by that I mean buzz-cut short. So, today when I watched him sleeking his hair back (because it's "too" long) with a combination of water and hair-wax I realized we still had a long way to go. I couldn't help myself...

"You look like you are trying to be a slick-Willy." I said.
"No I don't, slick-Willy's comb their hair straight back, I've parted mine." He said.
"Fine," I said, "you look like a nerdy-slick-Willy."

Sigh. I suppose that is why I love him though, because he's MY nerdy-slick-Willy-computer-engineer.

Way Back...

2011-09-22T15:17:00.003-05:00

After hearing "Smooth" by Rob Thomas on the Way Back Wednesday radio show, I felt officially old.

For those of you who would like to reminisce with me, here's the video:

Anything making you feel old?

Volcanic Flowers

2011-09-15T16:43:00.001-05:00

One of my very favorite blogs of all time is The Meanest Mom. Jena, the author, is seriously friggin' hilarious as she tells all about the ups and downs of raising children. I highly recommend checking her out when y'all have a minute and need a giggle...or if you need to scare a teenager with a heavy does of birth control. Anyway, I was catching up on her recent posts today and came across this gem. It was just so sweet and unexpected that it made me smile. Nothing like a little mid-afternoon reminder that there is goodness in the world. Enjoy!

Volcanic Flowers

Done

2011-09-07T17:14:00.003-05:00

My kids thought it would be fun to dump their bath water on the bathroom floor.

After getting both kids out of the tub my youngest thought she would try to send herself to the ER by diving head-first back into the tub.

They are now running around naked, playing the piano, and dancing.

They have been saved, Daddy just walked in from work...

Relax, just do it.

2011-08-30T22:43:00.000-05:00

Guess what?!? We just got another formspring question! Gotta say...I love it when our readers give us questions. Not only does it make finding a topic to write about easier, it makes me feel like we really are just all sittin' around gabbing with big steaming mugs of hot chocolate in front of us, like proper girlfriends should. Anyway...enough with my Girls Night Out mini-fantasy, onto the question!

How do you handle nursing in front of your other children, are you secretive about it or relaxed?

As Frankie said on his way to Hollywood, "Relax, just do it." (Ok, so I know that's not the real lyric, but that's the version I've been singing in my head ever since I got this question), so, the short answer would be:

Oh so very, very, very relaxed.

Now here's the long answer:

If any of y'all have spent any number of minutes in my home, I'm sure you've witnessed the never-ending modesty battle as I insist that my hooligans "get some friggin' clothes on!" It's become sort of a family...and neighborhood...and ward joke that the Lifferth chilluns just don't like clothing much. The less, the better in their books. Where, I've been asked time and again, do they get it from? Well...let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. No, I don't spend my days lounging about in the buff, but I've never been one to stress if my kids happen to catch a glimpse either.

So, I'm not much different when it comes to nursing. I don't mind nursing in public as long as I can successfully hide the actual faucet. Hence, I most certainly don't hesitate to nurse anytime, anywhere in my home. I've always felt that nursing is a healthy, normal part of life and it can only help a kid to be exposed to it in day-to-day workings of the family. It's my hope that if I act like nursing is nothing to be ashamed of then it won't weird-out my sons when their wives start spouting liquid nutrients and my daughters won't hesitate to give it a try as well.

Not to mention, who has time to go into a secluded alcove to nurse anyway when they have 3 other small children under-foot? If I did that every time the baby was hungry I'd reemerge to find my house absolutely torn apart or...errr...more torn apart then it is already, anyway.

So, when you find yourself as a new mom of more-then-one, I encourage you to give open nursing a try. You'll find out soon enough that your little one will treat it as what it really is...no big deal.

Potty Training...and all the loveliness that comes with it.

2011-08-22T12:13:00.002-05:00

I've been dreading potty training ever since we decided it was time to have kids. However, my son is three years old and I finally decided it was time for the inevitable. So, I bought some Thomas underwear, a Lightning McQueen toilet seat, and told myself today was the day (or, ummm, last Tuesday was the day).

Two accidents later I thought twice about whether or not today was really the day. After some consideration I decided to hold off till the next day, it was a crazy-busy day for me and I was already stressed by the days activities.

Wednesday morning was a fresh new start. We talked about going pee-pee in the potty, how the Thomas underwear was special and for big boys, and how peeing on the floor made mommy sad. Three number one accidents and one number two accident later and I had reached my limit. And it was only 11am.

Back to diapers and a trip to the library. Obviously I needed to rethink my strategy, I mean my son was walking around calling his underwear his "Thomas diapers." I checked out books and videos, bought some "training pants" and introduced the vocabulary to my son.

Now, almost a week later he hasn't peed in the potty. I figure there are three things that have made it impossible:

1. It was my BIL's wedding reception this past weekend and we had everyone flying in for it, from brothers to 93 year-old grandfathers. With late nights, luncheons, and no naps, it was obviously not the best time to start potty training.
2. Language - I just assumed that my son would catch-on to the language just like that, obviously I need to introduce concepts like the difference between underwear and diapers before we proceed.
3. Me - I get frustrated quite easily and have found that while I can handle the screaming and crying and changing poopy diapers - I can NOT handle pee on the floor and changing nasty underwear. Oh - and I have NO clue what I am doing.

So, any suggestions? I am seriously at a complete loss and while I've tried reading books and doing such things as "naked-time" (which did not work, he just sat on the floor and cried for his pants), it's just not working. To all of you experienced potty-training Moms out there I send an S.O.S. What's the secret to successful potty training? Or better yet, how did you have the patience and sanity to get through it?

of things that matter most

2011-08-09T09:23:00.005-05:00

Oh my heck, has it been my turn to post for nearly 2 weeks?! big oops! The ridiculous thing is I've had this post in my head for at least that long, I've just had family in town and what-not and time passed me by. Anyway...

My dad sent me this movie a while ago. It was a great reminder during the everyday drudgery (and joy!) of raising hooligans. It helped me remember just how wonderful the little souls I have in my care really are and made me want to try just a bit harder to see that in the day-to-day. It made me (all teary-eyed) remember where I've come from and whence I'm going. As an added bonus, the cinematography is super-cool! Enjoy!

"We would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most."
~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Pointing Fingers

2011-07-27T12:07:00.003-05:00

Two of the biggest news stories have come to my attention and as I have pondered on the issues at hand I have come to one conclusion. The problem with society today is no one is willing to take the blame. It is a sickening disease that is permeating everyone, young and old alike. The message is always the same: "Put the blame on someone else, you do not have to responsible for your own actions."

The first news story I would like to discuss is the horrible, tragic incident that happened in Norway. My heart goes out to the families affected by a madman. As I was listening to "The Take Away" on NPR I was shocked an appalled that the analysts, lawyers, and media are trying to blame Andres Behring Breivik's actions on anti-Muslim bloggers, writers, and groups. Let me make one thing clear: NOBODY made Andres Breivik take out a gun and shoot a group of unarmed, defenseless youth. He is sick-in-the-head and it makes me sick that our natural inclination is to find someone else to blame. The only person to blame here is Andres himself.

My second news story is that of the nation's deficit. As we get closer and closer to August 2nd, I get more worried. I'm sure you have all heard what is going on in Washington, D.C. by now. I only have one thing to say to Congress and it is the same thing my Dad used to say to me when I was a kid, "I don't care who started it, just end it or I will!" Well Republicans and Democrats here's the message of the American people: "We don't care who started it, but you better fix it or WE will!"

One last thought. I'm disgusted with the people of congress being more worried about their careers and trying to save their own butts. If I were in Congress I would stand up for what I knew what was right, even if that meant political suicide. I would rather go down in history as the person who stood-up against all opposition than part of the group that let the greatest nation the world has ever seen fall into chaos.

The Jelly Belly

2011-07-13T12:28:00.004-05:00

Hip Hip Horray for another formspring question! Here goes nothing...

I've got belly jelly (4 BIG babies worth of it) how on earth do I climb in bed and feel good rockin' my belly jelly, and not just be acutely aware of it's jiggle the whole time?!?

Well...isn't that the question of the day?

When Aubrey and I received this inquiry, I quickly called dibs on the chance to answer since I feel this falls into my particular specialty...let's just say I have the jiggliest, wrinkliest jelly belly this side of the Mississippi. It really, truly is ugh-worthy, I promise. No matter what I do, I just can't seem to shake the jello (pun intended ;). After 4 babies, each one stretching things out a bit more, I've finally come to accept the fact that the wrinkly skin and loose muscle just isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

So...what's a girl to do now? I've learned to tolerate my ever-present tummy-folds but toleration doesn't exactly foster sexual prowess and confidence au naturel. Of course, there's all the usual answers:

lingerie to cover up provocatively

role-playing to help a girl pretend to still be a toned young thing

denial in an attempt to ignore (la la la what jelly belly? la la la)

and, of course, plain ol' fashioned leaving the lights off

While all valid answers, they're really just a band-aid, aren't they? They cover things up, not help them heal. Well, just like with an owie that's being covered a bit too often and a bit too tightly, sometimes it's just better to rip the band-aid off in one quick painful pull. Which means...[cue scary music]

leave the lingerie for the real special occasions (although, honestly, there's many a husband that will claim anytime he gets the rare summin' summin' post-baby is a special occasion)

enjoy being you, the mother of your beautiful children and your husband's wife, rather then imagining you're someone and somewhere else

not to mention, leave those darn lights on

In short...really, truly accept your body for what it is. Heaven knows, I'm not claiming I've got this down, I can't even help cringing when I accidentally catch a glimpse of my one month postpartum belly in the mirror. I am, however, trying. I'm attempting to believe my husband when he insists I'm gorgeous and oh-so-sexy. I'm trying to view my stretch marks and wrinkles as battle scars in the war mommyhood wages on my body. And, five and a half years and four kids after I officially became a mom, I'm trying to love, not just tolerate or even accept, but love my body for the amazing things it's done and does everyday. While it's still a bit of a struggle every time I climb into bed, I finally feel like I'm getting there. I don't know if I can honestly claim I'm "rockin' my belly jelly" but I like to think one day maybe I will.

In a rut...

2011-07-07T16:47:00.002-05:00

It's 104 degrees today. It's been in the hundreds for quite a while. We are lucky to see it cool down to eighty degrees at night. And there's not much hope for a cool down anytime soon.

In other words, it's hot.

It's too hot to do my hair because I sweat while blow-drying and straightening and if I make it through all that the humidity makes it stick out in odd directions and cling to my neck.

It's too hot to take the kids to the playground, the slides literally burn them.

It's too hot to take them on our daily walks or go to the zoo.

It's too hot to do anything that requires physical exertion and that includes cleaning the house.

And it's definitely too hot to cook. I have plenty of recipes I want to try. All involve the stove, the oven, or both. Just the thought of standing over a boiling pot of water sends me packing up the family and eating out once again.

And so I'm in a rut. I don't want to clean, my hair gets pulled back in a pony tail every day, the library, splash pad, and pool have become old news, and I have no idea what to make for dinner.

Anyone have any cool, summer-time suggestions? Especially for dinners? Maybe a cool salad? Something that doesn't require too much energy both on my part and the part of my stove?

I ♥ pencil skirts

2011-06-25T21:12:00.000-05:00

I just discovered I own a pencil skirt that fits my big ol' newly-postpartum birthing hips.

all is right with the world.

brand new day

2011-06-20T13:58:00.000-05:00

Today is a good day.

It might have something to do with the fact that the new baby is almost 2 weeks old and things are slowly getting back to normal. The mere fact that I have something as mundane as Cleaning Bathrooms on my to-do list instead of just Nursing and Surviving proves it. Whether or not I actually get to the aforementioned bathrooms is beside the point.

It also might be the little face laying in my arms. There's something about a wrinkly forehead and pursed little lips that make the world seem fresh and new.

Not to mention after having rain off and on all last week, the sun is shining bright today and it finally feels like summer really, truly is here to stay.

I suppose the *cough*zoloft*cough* probably doesn't hurt much either.

So, when I heard Joshua Radin's Brand New Day on my Pandora playlist, I couldn't help but smile and sing along.

Here's to a brand new day for us all.

ps-here's a link to the official video. I find it amusing and it's worth the watch, but it was the lyrics that make me so happy, hence the video I posted

In Honor of Father's Day

2011-06-13T15:01:00.002-05:00

The past few days my husband has been dropping the following phrases randomly into conversations, or while watching TV, or at a quiet (ha, when is it ever truly quiet in our house?) dinner:

"I'mma firin' my laser!"

or
"I'mma chargin' my laser!"

Don't ask.

Really, don't ask.

My point is that it is a little idiosyncrasy that makes him more lovable. I think he keeps doing it because it earns a laugh, as well as a "you're so weird" look.

So, let's hear it. What do your husbands do that the rest of the world might find a little strange but you find endearing? (And don't tell me my husband is the only weird one, because then I'll know you're all liars).

stop snickering, part II

2011-06-03T20:29:00.002-05:00

So...remember this is post forever ago? Well, turns out I actually ended up MIA and couldn't end up going to the activity and presenting on fashion and dressing for your body type. boo! to that! Instead I got to drive for for.ev.er. in the car to southern Idaho for a funeral. double boo! Anyway, despite my lack of presentation, I'm still gonna give y'all a little summin' summin' about dressing your bodies. These are the different websites I found most helpful in my research and (as an added bonus) they'll answer a good chunk of the questions that y'all asked in the previous post's comment section:

http://www.bodyshapefashionadvice.com/
This one was my favorite link. It does a lot to describe what types of styles work with different body shapes. I particularly like the sidebar feature describing different types of clothing for different shapes. The quiz is great too.

http://www.calculator.net/body-type-calculator.html
This was helpful for figuring out body types using measurements.

http://www.cardiganempire.com/
A friend of mine directed me to this blog and I love it. Not only is the fashion advice fabulous, but if you click on the fruit/body shape on the sidebar, it'll lead you to all sorts of great shape-specific advice. She's also a member of the Church, so the stuff is modest. I love how she emphasizes (and re-emphasizes) that one is never supposed to accessorize their fullest assets (so if you're hippy, then low-slung belts are death, etc).

One last note: I cannot emphasize enough how important fit is. If the clothing is too bulky and baggy, then the wearer ends up looking over-sized themselves. On the other hand, if clothing is too tight, not only does the wearer end up looking a bit skanky, but they often end up looking bigger then they are as every bump and ripple is showing (eww). It's a common misunderstanding in the church that fitted = immodest. So not true. Just make sure you hit a nice balance in fit and don't end up with something too tight. Just remember, Girls, fit is everything.

Sorry, I know it's not in-depth as you might've hoped for. I didn't have a chance to delve as deeply into the subject as I would've preferred myself since I headed out of town instead of presenting. Hopefully the links provided answers at least a few of your style and body type questions! Feel free to drop me a comment if you want a more personalized answer for any of your style questions :)

Abandoned

2011-05-31T16:27:00.003-05:00

It seems we have abandoned you, I know. We have not, it's just BOTH of our lives have become extremely busy at the same time! Who knew?

We will be back in full swing soon, I promise. Until then, anyone read anything funny lately? I keep reading incredibly depressing books (like Tess of the D-Urbervilles) and would love something happy and uplifting.

My Daughter Hates Me

2011-05-19T14:28:00.003-05:00

She is screaming at the top of her lungs. Like bloody-murder screaming.

And has been for the past 30 minutes.

Nothing I do is helping. I've tried feeding her, giving her milk, holding/cuddling her, everything.

She is just flat out mad at me. If she could talk I'm sure I would be hearing choruses of "I HATE you mommy" coming from her room. Which is where she is right now, because I can't take it anymore.

She has driven me to eat TWO chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts. She's only a year-and-half, I wonder what this means for the upcoming toddler stage? (Probably means I need to increase my exercise or I am seriously going to gain 50 pounds in the next couple of years).

My New Mantra

2011-05-16T12:49:00.004-05:00

I went to Time Our for Women this past weekend (a conference specifically geared toward LDS women). I won't go on and on about how much I loved it. I want to share one quote that just stuck with me. I think it sums up the conference and should really be every woman's new motto. In fact, I might get crafty and make a plaque or something so I can read it every day.

The quote goes like this:
"You are who you are, you might as well enjoy it." ~Marjorie Hinckley

My new goal? To enjoy being ME!

Movies Anyone?

2011-05-09T12:06:00.004-05:00

So, my husband and I watch an inordinate amount of movies. It's just what we do. Often by the end of the day we are too exhausted to come up with anything more creative than put the kids down and crash in front of the TV. I also happened to marry into a movie-crazy family. Not even kidding... one brother-in-law is like a movie genius, we all fight to have him on our team while playing Scene-it, another BIL works in Hollywood, and all of them seem to have an uncanny knack of memorizing lines from movies (even if said movie was only watched once).

We've actually watched some really good movies recently (like within the past year, just don't want you to think we watch THAT many movies). I thought I would suggest some of our favorites, as the summer approaches and movie season starts but we are all too cheap to go the actual theaters, that you can get on DVD.

Family movies (okay, we don't actually watch these with our kids because they are still a little young, but we would be willing to watch them again as the kids get older).
Dragon Hunters - a little intense for the younger audience and slower paced, it was still really fun to watch and absolutely beautiful. Definite recommendation if you like foreign films. If not stick with Dragon Trainer, one of my husbands favorites.
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium - it's about a magical toy store, what's not to love?
Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - I like it much better than The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Bandslam - we thought it was going to be a High School Musical wannabe, totally was NOT! Really great storyline, good character development, and way more depth than the trailers lead you to believe. We laughed, we cried, we loved it.
The Spy Next Door - completely cheesy, but we happen to be big Jackie Chan fans and it would be a fun one for the kids too.

Good girl-time movies (I watched these by myself, mainly while folding laundry, which has to be the most boring chore ever).
Bright Star - based on the three-year romance of John Keats and Fanny Brawne, it'll make you cry.
My Girlfriend's Boyfriend - super cute movie with a little twist at the end I was totally not expecting and it takes place in Salt Lake City (for all of you Utah people out there).
I'm Reed Fish - I still don't know how I feel about this one... let's just say it was interesting.
Leap Year - if you haven't seen this movie yet, go watch it. Right now.

Chick Flicks to watch as a date:
Notting Hill - yes my husband actually watched this one with me and it was his idea (I had actually never seen this one) and he loved it. You just can't go wrong with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant.
500 Days of Summer - not your typical chick flick, which is why I think my husband liked it so much and I just love weird movies like this.
Penelope - another one that if you have not seen you must go watch, right now. Not only did we both love it, but it sends such a good message that I will make my teenagers watch this whether they want to or not.
Date Night - okay, not really a chick flick and probably shouldn't recommend it to just anyone, but seriously, we are just at that point in our lives where we were laughing because it is so true (although there were a few awkward scenes/jokes in the movie, just warning you).

Movies your Man will definitely watch:
Stone of Destiny - about a group of young college students who decide to steal the stone of Destiny (a symbol of Scotland) from under the Crowning throne in England in the 1950's. Brush up on your history a bit and then watch this movie.
Traitor - an action movie about terrorists.
Taken - finally, no talking bad-guy scene, yay! (Not recommended if you don't like violence).
Outsourced - jobs are outsourced to India (in fact, I believe there is a new NBC series based on the same thing), sorry not much of an explanation, we jut really liked it.
Unstoppable - we liked it enough that my husband wants to buy it.

Those are some of my random suggestions. I could go on, but for sake of time (and not wanting to completely admit to how many movies I actually watch) I will stop for now. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

stop snickering

2011-04-28T09:48:00.000-05:00

I have a question for y'all.

(well, aren't we needy? Here we are, a full 13 days after our last post, asking for, yet again, advice. It's just Me Me Me all over the place.)

So, I have to give a 15 minute presentation on "dressing in a flattering way for your body type" (and just clothing concerns in general) for an upcoming Relief Society activity for my church next week (stop snickering you old high school friends of mine. I flatter myself that I've come a long way since then...or at least I have everyone fooled into thinking I have). I have some ideas floating around in my head, but I'd really like y'all's input. What are some of the issues you have with dressing your bodies? Do you know what body shape/type you are or would you want me to provide a quiz or something to help you identify it? Any other questions, concerns, etc?

Help, please!!!

Ok, let's sweeten the deal a bit, shall we? You help me and I promise to post a general review of the 15 minute discussion after the big event. Now isn't that tantalizing...

Anyone?

2011-04-15T16:49:00.001-05:00

Anyone know how to get crayon/pen off the wall?

What about chocolate pudding stains out of clothing?

I know! Anyone want to trade kids for a day or two. I'll watch yours if you watch mine if it means I can have ONE day where I enjoy a clean house...

Hit me again, Joe.

2011-04-04T17:41:00.000-05:00

So, I'm Mormon. It's a well-known facts that Mormons don't drink alcohol. Nope, not even a little bit.

I'll be honest, though. There's many a day when I wouldn't kick a big ol' tumbler of something intoxicating out of bed for eating crackers. Days when the destroying angels...errr...kids are acting up and tearing the house apart. Days when I'm exhausted and unmotivated and the kitchen floor sticks to my socks*. Days when all I really want to do is to (please, please, oh pretty please) take the edge off.

What's a sober girl to do?

I turn to my dirty little secret: s.u.g.a.r. I loooove me some candy. I'm especially fond of the straight-sugar types (nerds, sprees, smarties, gummy bears, etc.) to get me right to the sugary goodness point. If I'm feeling particularly picked on, like during one of the 6-potty accidents type of days, I might steal one of my husbands forgotten mini-snickers (the man can resist the siren call of candy like no one else and I can't quite ignore the guilt enough to just straight-up steal 'em right off the bat).

So, next time you see me with a shot glass of full of jelly beans in front of me mid-afternoon when the rest of the world is indulging in a much-anticipated happy hour, you'll know why (although, more realistically, it'll be hidden behind some book or other so I can enjoy it without the miniature mob joining in). In fact, you're more then welcome to join me and we'll get a little sugar-happy together.

Until then, hit me again, Joe. This one needs to be hard, on the rocks, straight up, and any other unfamiliar alcohol slang one can think of.

Your turn...what's your secret mid-afternoon "I can't take these hellions anymore" indulgence?

*little known fact: I actually hate wearing socks around the house. So...the floor would then be gross enough to stick to my feet, which is even more extraordinarily disgusting.

Let's have a chat, shall we?

2011-03-24T22:48:00.003-05:00

One thing you may not know about me:

I adore talking about names.

It's a huge passion of mine, one I'll explore in great depths for vast amounts of time if given the chance. I don't have to be pregnant or really even know anyone who is, I'll talk your ear off regardless. There's actually a name for crazies like me: a name enthusiast. Now that I am currently (all too) heavy with child, it's tottering between a healthy level of infatuation and an unhealthy obsession. When I was stuck in the house with my fellow-name-enthusiasts sister and mother during a blizzard this winter (gotta love that northern Indiana snow), we seriously talked about baby names for three days straight with only this book to keep us going (which is, hands down, my very favorite baby name book ever).

Anyway, the point is, I love taking baby names...but, unfortunately, my husband does not. at all. So, that's where you come in, dear readers. I do so want to hear all about the names you love or abhor or the ones that left you just plain confused. I especially want to hear about names that you adore but are unable to use for one reason or another (stubborn husband, anyone?). Those are the ones people are often most passionate about. I also want to know your naming style. I promise you that you have one, you just might have to think about it for a bit. Anyway, help a poor name conversation-deprived pregnant girl out, won't you.

I'll show you mine if you show me yours...

First off, I have a somewhat of a vintage, yet recognizable naming style. This is obvious by my three oh-so-lovely offspring. My son, Ezra Emil, and my two daughters, Georgia Marie and Scarlett Caroline. *sigh* I do so love their names. As is obvious, their names are definitely on the older side of things (or, as some might imply, the dusty/moldy/old people side of things :P), but I love them regardless.

As for names I love: Be warned, these names are only the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on in this one category. Anyway, for girls, I love Cecilia, Delia, Tallulah (my husband staunchly refuses to even consider that one), Vera, Lucy, and Virginia (fear of high school teasing combined with the already-used state name rules that one out)...and Cherry. I know, I know, that last one is a little out there, but I've loved it since the first time I read The Outsiders in 8th grade English class. Boys are a harder for me as I'm just pickier with them for some reason. Regardless, for boys, I adore the names Theron (hubby insists it sounds too girly...an issue he has with a good chunk of the names I like), Archer, Emmett, Bennett, Forrest, and Gideon.

abhor: Mostly, I hate any names that are obviously kre8tiv. They're like a really awkward teenager who is just trying too darn hard to be unique and mysterious. gag. I also am not a fan of names that hit their peak in the mid-80s. I guess I just don't get why people would name their child something that they (the parent) heard 50 million times all through grade school. So...you name your daughter Brittany or son Jason and I might raise my eyebrows a bit. That's totally just me, though. (although, I suppose I did use the middle name Marie for my eldest daughter. In defense, I plead the Family Name excuse.)

confused by: Here's a good example for y'all...I know someone who knows someone who will be naming their next daughter Kimarie. yep, that would be a completely made up name and not a particularly attractive one at that. Is that petty of me to say? c'est la vie. I just don't get it. I have full respect for different naming styles. I promise do. I realize some people are all nature-y, some love meaning-based names, etc...but I just don't get a completely made-up name. According to my source, this name is the combination of 2 different names which, frankly, just kind of makes me roll my eyes. Refer back to previous intentionally mysterious teenager comment.

Well, it's nearly eleven and I still need to wind down before I can go to sleep (blogging makes my brain wake up, for some reason...although the frozen cookie dough probably didn't help much either), so it's time for me to bid y'all adieu.

Don't forget to comment! (or else this post was, frankly, a little pointless)

ps-in case you haven't yet discovered it, this is one of my very favorite websites on the planet. I swear if naming had a nirvana, this would be it.

Baby Name Wizard

The Power of the Vacuum

2011-03-17T19:04:00.003-05:00

Remember how my son has a hearing loss? Well, it wasn't till recently that he could hear the vacuum, at least not well. Now whenever he hears it, it terrifies him.

So, when he was trying to sneak into the cookies today in the kitchen after I told him not to and he had already had TWO, I quickly plugged in the vacuum.

I really did need to vacuum the rug in the living room... the fact that it sent him running for cover in his bedroom and therefore leaving the cookies behind was just a bonus.

Honest.

Marriage and Kids

2011-03-07T14:27:00.002-06:00

Because this blog nailed it on the head for me, I couldn't NOT share it.

Click here: Marriage with Toddlers

It's a little lengthy but well worth the read. Especially if you are like me and wondering what happened to your marriage after kids...

Technology and Teachers

2011-03-02T12:32:00.002-06:00

Long story short, it has recently come to my attention that texting, Facebooking, tweeting, and other such social networking is being used as a means of communication between teachers and students.

I happen to disagree with this method. In fact, I'm quite surprised how strongly I feel about this. Three short years ago I remember being in school and explaining to my professors (mainly the Grad students) that they could contact me by email, but I did not text. You can imagine the horror upon their faces that I would refuse to text.

I especially disagree with this method concerning high school students. If you have something to say to my high school student you can do so by calling the family phone, emailing them through a school account, or the traditional send-a-letter home. There is a certain professionalism that needs to be held between students and teachers.

You are the teacher, a symbol of authority and a mentor to young minds. You are not their best friend. There is no need to be friends with them on Facebook, text them messages concerning homework assignments, or let them follow your Tweets of what you are eating for dinner. In fact, I as a mother, would not believe my child if they said that a teacher had Tweeted no homework for the evening and you can better believe that I will not let my child give out their personal cell phone numbers, that is assuming I let them have a cell phone.

I don't know how many states have laws or policies concerning things like this but I can tell from news stories and comments from friends who are now professors/teachers that this is becoming a valid problem . Am I turning into a stick-in-the-mud? Maybe, but I really believe the teacher-student relationship is one relationship that should not be relaxed due to technology.

not my finest moment

2011-02-23T00:09:00.001-06:00

I grew up in a very...how shall I say?...safe house. Despite having five kids in a ten year span, we didn't break any bones, never jumped from any windows, rarely got cavities, didn't roughhouse really all that often, and most definitely, certainly never broke any windows.

(my husband likes to call us minivan people. the brat.)

That's why, when I saw my first window broken today, I was absolutely shocked. I never imagined that a window pane was really so thin, so fragile...so, well, breakable.

You know what's even more shocking?

I broke it.

Me.

Myself.

and I.

with my hand, no less.

It had been a rough day. In frustration I banned my two eldest to the great outdoors. My five year old drama king insisted that it was too muddy and cold to play. I told him he had a coat on and would survive a half hour in the backyard and locked the door 'cause I'm mean like that. After which, he proceeded to ring the back doorbell incessantly for 3 minutes straight (which, as any mother knows, is actually a really long time). Losing interest, he then decided to entertain himself poking his younger sister with a stick. So...I knocked on the window to let him know his misdeeds were not going unnoticed. He ignored me. I hit the window a little harder. He looked at me and then continued to ignored me.

Then, unfortunately, I hit the pane a lot harder.

ok, ok...one might say I banged on the window.

and it broke.

I stared at him, he stared at me, and we both stared at the window.

It was not my finest moment.

please tell me I'm not the only one who has done something this stupid.

oops.

2011-02-10T12:32:00.000-06:00

This morning, I sneezed and peed my pants.

(not tons, but still...)

Pretty sure I'm officially Very Pregnant.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-04T12:27:00.002-06:00

Q: What do you do for your man for Valentines day?? I need some serious suggestions.

A: First, I must confess I've always loved Valentine's Day. Even when I was single, I loved the possibility of a secret admirer and I loved both giving and receiving cards. Have I ever mentioned how I'm a HUGE card-girl? It's right up there with flowers in my book, in fact, it often trumps flowers. Then I found that special someone and we got married and suddenly Valentine's Day lost it's charm for me. My husband never made a huge deal out of Valentine's Day, often forgetting about it completely and I felt like I was "selling-out" to the card companies by celebrating Valentine's Day. Besides, I wanted the good gifts on our special day - our anniversary. We are coming up on our 5th year anniversary and I suddenly realized, I love Valentine's Day and my husband better get me a card or make me dinner or something! So, I informed him of this, how Valentine's Day is important to me (really, every holiday is important to me) and how I wanted to celebrate love. He smiled (he thinks it's cute how I get excited about even the smallest of holidays) and I found that once again I'm excited about Valentine's Day.

With that confession off my chest, here are my ideas:

First, I like to keep it small and personal. A little reminder to my husband how much I appreciate and love him. I save the big stuff for birthdays and anniversaries.

1. A card. A well-picked out card can set the mood, express your desires and thoughts, and can be kept as a constant reminder. Whether it be funny, sexy, or out-right sappy, in my mind you can do now wrong with a card (homemade or bought).
2. Dinner - Make his favorite meal or better yet, order-in. Put the kids down a wee-bit early, pick up food from your favorite restaurant, light some candles, turn down the lights and enjoy a quiet dinner together.
3. A letter - I know a couple who writes letters to each other every Valentine's Day. Cute, sincere, and you can start a little journal out of the letters for future posterity.
4. Sporting event - does your spouse like basketball? hockey? A babysitter, a couple of tickets and you're out on a hot date doing something he loves. A little pinched for money? No problem, put the kids down, pull up two chairs in front of the TV, pop some popcorn, make some hot dogs and pretend you're at the game.
5. Fondue night - chocolate, strawberries, marshmallows, candle light - need I say more?
6. Lipstick on the mirror - leave him a note in bright red lipstick for him to read first thing in the morning.
7. Get a babysitter and go out for dessert.
8. Reenact your first Valentine's Day together.
9. Think of what your husband likes to do - play video games, watch sports, play board games, eat food, and then do it with him. Just as long you're doing it together.
10. Last, but not least - buy some sexy lingerie and let him "unwrap" you... after all, we all know what our husbands really want... ;)

My tips: keep it simple, try to make it as personal as possible, do something he loves, and throw your own style into the mix.

Let's hear it. What fun things are you planning for your sweetheart this Valentine's Day?

Discrimination!

2011-01-27T12:39:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been the victim of impatient huffs or evil stares? How about rude comments? Rude service? Or maybe not rude service, but just plain impatient service?

And it's all because of the little jewels in your crown, your children. Join the club.

To be honest, I'm kind of getting tired of it. I understand if my kids are acting up and you don't want to hear it, but neither do I. Besides, Wal-Mart is a public place and families are bound to be there, shopping together. If you would prefer to shop when there are no kids around then go at 10pm when we are all home, with our children tucked into bed.

My husband and I like to go out to eat. It's our treat to ourselves and there are some days I really don't feel like cooking. We always pick "family-friendly" restaurants, it's not like we are going to the cute Italian bistro that doesn't have a kids menu let alone a high-chair.

Just last week I decided to take my son out on a lunch-date. Just me and him and some good food. I wanted to change it up a bit and decided on Applebee's. My son didn't care as long as he could have french fries. We arrived at 11:45am. They seated us in an area that had TWO other tables with patrons, everywhere else was empty. I immediately distracted my son with the provided coloring page and skimmed through the menu. I AM aware that I have a two-year old with me and that I am at a sit-down restaurant so I must be prepared to order when the waitress comes to ask for our drinks. I also have snacks in the diaper bag to hold him over till the food arrives. I watched the waitress wipe down two empty tables that didn't really need wiping, ask the other patrons if they needed anything else, flirt with (whom I am assuming was) the shift manager, and make eye-contact with me twice and then intentionally look away. After fifteen minutes I quietly packed up my stuff, told my son that we had to leave, but not to worry we would go somewhere else with french fries, and walked out of the restaurant. Five minutes later we were seated at Chik-fil-a, while the nice employees brought our tray out to us and we enjoyed a nice hot meal. During our stay there they asked if we needed refills, if they could throw my trash away, and if I needed anything else. And I didn't have to TIP them.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened to me nor do I think it will be the last. It's a form of discrimination and I don't like it. I could go on, but for the sake of not turning nasty, I will stop here.

Suggestions, anyone?

2011-01-19T12:42:00.002-06:00

I'm at my wits end.

My son has decided it's funny to run away from me. In the store. In the parking lot. Into the middle of the street. It often happens when I am preoccupied with his sister. All it takes is one split-second of diverted attention and he's off. He's a fast little sucker too.

I've tried everything: yelling, time-out, take toys away, take his lovie away, and even resulted to a quick swat on the rear in particularly dangerous situations (no, I do not spank my children as a general rule). Nothing works. It's often hard to do anything about it since it happens 90% of the time with his little sister. I can only do so much when I'm holding another baby in my arms.

He loves to run, he loves to be chased, and he really truly thinks it's a game. I have no idea how I'm supposed to reason with a two year old.

And so I'm coming to you, our readers. Any suggestions? Anyone experience the same thing? I'm desperate.

Have you seen this?

2011-01-18T09:13:00.000-06:00

...'cause it's friggin' hilarious. While not all BYU co-eds are like those portrayed, it's still funny and uncannily accurate (and I say that will all the love in my "went to the Y, married 19, baby at 20" heart). Enjoy!

My Little Peeping Tom

2011-01-12T17:13:00.003-06:00

This afternoon, I sent my 5 year old three houses down to drop off an item to the neighbors for me. I always worry a little when he runs errands of this distance, but I console myself with the knowledge that we live on a quiet street, I know everyone between here and there, and he's a smart little boy who knows to avoid cars and stay on the grass.

After he returned triumphantly from his long trek, I asked him how it went. He responded,

"It took them a long time to answer the door. I had to knock about 13 times. Between the 11th and 12th time, though, someone came to the door. I was gonna look in the window to see if any moms were home, but when I tried there were some papers in the way."

Knocking a dozen times and peering through windows, huh? I'm beginning to think maybe I should worry more for the neighbors' sake and not so much for my son's...

Shakin' My Groove Thing

2011-01-05T20:46:00.003-06:00

I've discovered the Holy Grail of exercise classes.

It's music, dancing, aerobic, and quite the workout.

It's Zumba. (Yes, I realize I'm a little late jumping on the bandwagon, but better late than never, right?)

Seriously the most fun I have ever had working out. I wasn't even that good at it. In fact I am that person that is off-beat, off-count, and looks like I have no rhythm. But the point is that I loved it.

I've determined that if this does not get rid of my pregnant-looking belly then I don't know what will.

If you love dancing, miss the thrill of being sexy, and are dying for a fun way to get your body back then I totally recommend Zumba.

And really, I looked and felt like a dork. It took me completely out of my element but I was enjoying myself.

Click here for a video.

Glitter, Hot Chocolate, and Mangers, Oh My!

2010-12-14T22:54:00.004-06:00

We have a new Formspring question to answer today and I'm particularly excited about it. A reader asks:

Q: What do you do to get into the Christmas spirit?

A: Oh, so very many fun things! I love holidays and any reason to celebrate in general, but there's something about the tinsel, snow, and hot chocolate-induced stupor of the Christmas season that I love the very best! I don't know that I do anything particularly exciting or unusual compared to everyone else, but I'll share some of our family's favorite traditions anyway.

First off, Christmas music, Christmas music, Christmas music. I can't say it enough. I'm not even going to pretend I wait until December rolls around to bust this one out. Pandora's general Christmas station is my fave, especially since I get to delete the annoying Christmas songs that normally would tolerate while wishing they would just forever disappear.

As soon as Thanksgiving has been seen out the door, the Christmas decor is well on it's way up. The tree is, obviously, the main event, but I find having little Christmasy reminders throughout the main living areas really festify (yup, made up word there) things. For me, personally, Christmas is when I let my early-adolescence glitter fetish out. As I've grown up, I suppressed my love of all things sparkle, but all bets are off come December 1st. Anyone who visits my house this time of year can attest to that.

I'm a big seasonal baker. So, it only makes sense that when the holiday season starts, the cookie sheets are almost constantly out...not to mention, it doesn't hurt any that it's finally cooled off enough by then to enjoy the little extra warmth in the kitchen that the oven brings. We're particularly big fans of ginger snaps in our house; my husband, especially, has an amazing knack of cooking them to a just-perfect soft perfection. If I'm being honest, it's not even just about the baked goods, it's the whole food kit 'n' caboodle. For example, I l.o.v.e. soups. So much, I'm occasionally tempted to have a steamy affair with them. Yes, I love them *that* much. So, hot soup+Christmas weather+warm bread=an absolute perfect combination. Throw in some peppermint hot chocolate next to a lit Christmas tree and honey, I am in heeeeaven. Then there is the holiday ham and the cheese balls and the little smoked sausages one finds at parties. See what I mean? This time of year is ALL about the food.

Lastly, I find that I feel most Christmasy when I actually focus on, well, Christmas. As in Christmas. There's something about teaching and re-teaching my children the true reason for the season year after year that helps me reaffirm my own testimony of Christ. I have a pile of Christmas books I read to my babies and my favorites, hands down, are the ones the tell the nativity story, even if it means that I'm re-reading the same ol' words day after day. I also made up a stash of wood blocks with nativity characters on them for the kids to play with and I love watching them act out the story of Christ's birth (when they're not seeing who can chuck them the farthest into the Christmas tree, of course :P). In particular, my favorite Christ-centered tradition is one that we just started last year. I have a simple box (currently it's a shoe box wrapped in brown paper, but I hope to upgrade it to wood within the next year or two) that represents Christ's manger. When the kids promptly obey, do something particularly nice or helpful, or any other good deed, they get to put little slips of paper, or "hay," into the manager in order to prepare for the birth of Christ. They get to pick a hay piece out (we have a bunch of different brown-toned colored slips), I write their good deeds on it, and they put it into the manger. It's a constant reminder of Christ throughout the season of His birth.

Well, those are the ways *I* get into the Christmas spirit. What I really want to know is how *y'all* do it...so, come on now, 'fess up!

ps-This post wouldn't be complete with a quick mention of our little elf, Demitri, that comes to visit every year. My yearly holiday blackmailing of the season ("don't make me call Santa's cell phone!") just wouldn't be the same without him!

Jane Austen Fight Club

2010-12-07T14:35:00.003-06:00

I just HAD to share this one...

fyi

2010-12-01T16:22:00.005-06:00

Glee makes laundry folding oh-so-much better.

(Thank heavens the show got back in its groove after this season's rough start)

I'm dreaming of...

2010-11-21T20:21:00.015-06:00

Now that we've got the emotionally heavy stuff off our chests (which was wonderful, by the way, Aub :) ... I'm feeling a little frivolous. What can I say? The holidays are merrily approaching, as holidays are apt to do. It's seems that every time I turn around someone is pestering me about Christmas lists. To top it off, I recently read this post by my sister-in-law, Kim, which got me thinking about all the lovely (and not-so lovely) splurges around the holidays. With all these frivolous thoughts swirling about, inevitably, my thoughts turn towards the Great Wish List that I try to avoid thinking about for the rest of the year.

First off, I'm needing some (in the words of the immortal Georgia Nicolson) fabbity-fab shoes.

Or, more realistically, some wear-everywhere flats

Why don't we top it off with one of these cozy little numbers, perfect for winter snuggling with...

...a good book, of course.
Not to mention, my husband knows the quickest way to my heart on chilly nights.

How about y'all? What are some of your Wish List items for this holiday season?

New Mantra: Personal Experience Part 3

2010-11-11T14:07:00.005-06:00

Our new mantra has become: "Now we know why..."

1. Our kid has been a great sleeper since birth, nothing wakes him up. Phone calls, doorbells, vacuum cleaners, thunderstorms, tornado sirens... now we know why. (And here we just thought we were really great at this parenting thing).
2. He only had two volumes, loud and louder... now we know why. (Much to our embarrassment while sitting in the middle of church).
3. He loves loud music with a good strong beat... now we know why.
4. He wouldn't open closed doors, even though he was tall enough and knew how, unless we were behind him instructing him to open the door, he wouldn't do it... now we know why. (Turns out most children won't open doors if they can't hear what's behind the door).
5. He never babbled (not like his sister does), he just screamed (see #2)... now we know why.
6. The few words he did start speaking were mainly made up of vowels, because that is what he could here (for example a dog barking wasn't "Ruff" it was "uuu, uuu")... now we know why

We have found humor in the situation as well. For example, I told my husband the other day that when our son is school age and the students ask him what is in his ear he can say that it is an earpiece for the government and he is actually a secret agent, and then pretend to get a secret message and run away. We've also realized that when he is a teenager he can take out his hearing aids and pretend that he can't hear us when we say something he doesn't like.

The days go on and things are getting better. Like any big change your in life, it just takes some adjusting to, but the fact is you do adjust. When I first started writing this little series of mine, I intended it to be a one-article story. However, as I started writing I found I had more to say than just "here's what happened." It has been very therapeutic for me and I thank all of you who have read it through and supported me with your comments. My intention in writing this was to let everyone know you are not alone out there. Raising children is hard and things don't go exactly as planned. For whatever reason we seem to convince ourselves that this time life will do as we tell it to, but the Lord kindly reminds us that He is in charge. In part 1 a reader shared a link for the following story, I will end my comments here, but for anyone who is interested please continue reading. It spoke to my heart, and I can't wait to see what Holland holds for me.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Processing: Personal Experience Part 2

2010-11-10T10:55:00.004-06:00

Then the emotions hit. According to the Kubler-Ross model I should be undergoing denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I seem to be making up my own stages as I handle my son and his hearing loss. I never went through denial or bargaining. The doctors showed me the results from four different tests and I can't argue with scientific proof. There is a small part of me that says "are you sure?" But the larger part of me wants to take action, it says "what do I need to do?"

Instead I go through anger, blame, guilt, frustration, and acceptance.

Anger - I'm angry with the doctors for not listening to me sooner. I was the one who initiated contact with an audiologist, no thanks to my pediatrician. I am angry with the health department and their not-accurate hearing test. Fluid on the ears?! HA!

Blame - this is the hardest one for me. I blame the doctor (see anger). I blame my husband, maybe he shouldn't have tickled our son so hard, thrown him up in the air, wrestled with him, the list goes on. As time goes on I blame him for working while I handle the doctors, insurance reps, babysitters, and therapy. It's a silly blame, but I often feel so alone in this. But mostly, I blame myself. Was there something I should have done differently? I had a rather perfect pregnancy, but maybe I should have drank more water, refrained from having that corn dog, been more careful about heating up my deli meat. Then there is the whole issue of the labor and delivery. Did his hearing loss occur after being in labor for 28 plus hours and pushing for two? Should we have opted for a c-section sooner? I can't bare to think about it. Or was it when my milk supply started to dry up and I didn't know it, not until he started losing weight? So many things go through my head. The geneticist reassures me that unless I was abusing drugs or alcohol or deathly ill during pregnancy, there was absolutely nothing I could have done differently.

Guilt - you would think the guilt would come from the blame, but this guilt hits me on my blindside. My son has only mild permanent hearing loss, as I start to talk to other families I realize their child's hearing loss is much more severe. They are going in for surgeries and wearing cochlear implants. I suddenly feel guilty for taking this so hard, for stressing out over the day-to-day maintenance of it all. It could be so much worse, who am I to complain?

Frustration - this one is much more complicated. It's the every day routine we are now in. It's the struggle to keep a two year old from pulling out his hearing aids, of searching the store for size 13 batteries, of cleaning and maintaining the hearing aids. It's the hours I now spend in the car as I take my husband to work, my daughter to the babysitter, my son to therapy, home from therapy, pick up our daughter, pick up my husband. How do I know when my son is being a two-year old and ignoring me or simply can not hear me? It's the application of the newest technique they've taught me at therapy, the phone call from his mother's day out when they can't get his hearing aids back in, the exhaustion of it all. It's the opinions I get from all sides of what I should or should not be doing. Sign language or no sign language? It's the realization that grandparents now seem to be afraid to take the kids for the weekend because the hearing aids intimidate them. But mostly, it's the frustration that both my son and I receive when communication fails. I can't understand him and he can't make himself understood.

Some days are rough. My husband comes home from work and takes over the bedtime routine. I curl up in bed, hiding from the stress that threatens to crush me. My husband comes in and holds me till it passes. He somehow transfers some of his strength to me. With a good night's rest, I will be as good as new to handle a new day.

Acceptance - it comes little by little as we fall into a routine. The hearing aids are staying on more often than not, his speech is progressing slowly, and we are making progress. I am learning as I go and have quickly learned to take it one day at a time. Line upon line, precept upon precept. I turn to the Lord in my thoughts and prayers more often. Our son will never remember a life without hearing aids and for him it will become second nature. I hope that one day soon it will become second nature for me as well.

Whirlwind: Personal Experience Part 1

2010-11-09T12:33:00.005-06:00

"Your son has mild permanent hearing loss." The words bounce around in my head.
"Oh, okay," I say. "What does that mean?"
"Well, we want to run a few more tests to confirm our findings, but it will mean hearing aids and auditory and verbal therapy."
"Oh, okay." My daughter lurches forward and fusses, I hand her a toy to distract her. The audiologist peers at me closely, concern in her eyes. She is under the impression that I am taking this all rather well. I smile and nod as the audiologist and speech pathologist explain the steps we need to take from here, show me a chart of what my son can and can not hear. The information is thrown at me quicker than I can absorb.

It's not until I am strapping the kids into their car seats that my heart starts to drop. My son has hearing loss? HEARING LOSS! It was the last thing I expected to hear. Sure he had never passed his newborn hearing screening and is behind in his speech, but by golly, the doctors kept telling me it was just because of fluid in the ear. Take care of the fluid, take care of the problem. I was expecting at most that he would need tubes in his ears.

I call my husband at work. "How did it go?" he asks.
"Good, he was such a trooper, they did four different tests on him, plus some more stuff. Umm, can I pick you up for lunch?" I can't explain it over the phone.
"Sure..." he sounds hesitant. I am worried he has something going on, I can't go the whole afternoon without talking to him, my husband, my help meet. "No," he reassures me, "I can go to lunch."

He gets into the car and I start in on the explanation I've been reciting in my head for the 25 minute car ride to his workplace. "He will need hearing aids and therapy," I recite.
"Are you serious?" my husband asks.

Then come the phone calls, my side of the family, his side of the family. I spend all afternoon on the phone, explaining, answering questions I barely know the answer to myself. My mom's response is, "Are you serious?" Do I sound like I'm joking? By the end of the day I'm emotionally exhausted. We are going out for dinner that night.

Within weeks, the hearing aids are fitted, therapy is scheduled. There will be two different sessions, a one-on-one therapy and a class therapy. The important thing is to prepare him for school. Both sessions will be held weekly. Insurance does not cover hearing aids or anything hearing related. They will only cover the therapy if it is listed as a specific type of speech therapy. I will need to find a babysitter for our daughter twice a week. The audiologist instructs us on how to fit, clean, and take care of the hearing aids. The batteries must be replaced weekly. There is special cleaning solution and dry crystals and a container that the hearing aids must be kept in nightly. We will need to do a genetic test to make sure the hearing loss is not a sign of something bigger.

I suddenly feel very overwhelmed.

I've been in contact with the state's early intervention program. They will subsidize the therapy and hearing aid costs until he's three, when we will be turned over to the school districts. He will be reevaluated when he turns three.

It's been a few months later and I am still processing everything. An interpreter for the deaf asks me if I have reached the acceptance stage yet. I tell her I don't know. I've been told that we will go through the same stages of grief as one who has lost a family member to death. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

I'm not sure where I'm at in those stages, I'm just acting. I'm just taking it one day at a time, trying to do what's best for my child, and all the while worrying that it won't be enough.

Question & Answer: Election Time!

2010-11-01T15:06:00.006-05:00

This question comes from an anonymous source:
What do you think about the upcoming elections? What is your criteria for a good governor?

Admittedly, we haven't been keeping up on politics as much this year. I feel like I have failed in my duties as a citizen, but the campaigning has been so nasty this year it's easier for me to tune it out than to listen.

So, to answer your question, we have a guest columnist today. My husband Carlin (who is also an engineer, hence the very technical response), makes a point to keep up on this stuff.

Carlin, take it away...

Election season. Ah, election season, when all the politicians try to convince you that words speak louder than actions. I have been able to vote now for 10 years and most of the time try to keep myself informed, but rarely pick sides early on. I'm not an 'activist' or tout any single political 'agenda'. I think there are merits and pitfalls to both (all) sides of the aisle. This year, 2010, however something changed. I think it's changed for a lot of people. The low-level hum of the political machine leading our nation in Washington has slowly grown to an obnoxious, tumultuous noise in every school, office and home. Something, in my view, happened to re-ignite the fervor/anger/passion of us normally 'passive' citizens. Some people point to one or two single things, like so called 'Obamacare' or the Bank Bailouts in late 2008/early 2009. But I think it's more complicated. There are so many things nation wide that points to the slow deterioration of the Bill of Rights. Judges ruling against our ability to photograph police action. Rulings that covert GPS tracking does not require a warrant. Our freedom of speech has been curtailed to 'as long as it doesn't offend me (and my lawyer)'. The adage "I disagree with you, but will fight to the death for your right to say it" has been amended to "I will fight to the death so you can not say it". All these and more are a catalyst that will ultimately enslave this nation as a Nanny-State, or, conversely lead to a revolution more wide-spread and violent than the one in the 1770s.

The most interesting facet of the elections tomorrow is to see whether or not the voting people give credence to the Tea Party's endorsements/rhetoric, either establishing them with real political power, or writing them off as a one-hit wonder. Again, I understand a lot of frustrations that the Tea Party gives a voice to, and think some things they say are a bit off. Some will mock those frustrations, when they run counter to their agenda, and others will fight for them. That's the wonderful thing about this Country though. We have these powers and freedoms as a people to do so. I think too many of us, including myself, were caught being apathetic toward the policies and laws being passed and rulings being made. We think "Well there are checks and balances in the government and it all evens out". But zoom out for a minute. Get a nation-wide view. Who checks and balances the government itself? What entity has the power to fire the House of Representatives every 2 years, the President every 4 years and the entire Senate every 6 years? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! Sorry got carried away with a Simpsons reference, but my point stands. When the people are apathetic and don't research and get involved to educate themselves on a little politics and social theory, the long arm of the law becomes longer and longer and longer. Power is intoxicating and sometimes our leaders get drunk. I think the elections and ballots is the true spine of this Nation and serve to balance (or disrupt) an otherwise run-away train of lawmakers.

A good Governor for any state or province largely depends on the individuals' personal requirements. Do you want the Governor to enforce XYZ law? Do you want him or her to support XYZ agenda? But since you asked me for my criteria for a good Governor, here:
•Engineering degree (critical thinking is required, with a heavy emphasis on facts).
•Police/military background. Knows what he or she is doing when giving orders and if those orders are feasible, adds 'executive' experience.
•Be a parent. The two Oklahoma gubernatorial candidates had a little spat over this, and yes, Mary Fallin, it was a dirty fight to pick, but I think the underlying issue is the elephant in the room. Nothing changes your focus, alters your world, or gets your head out of the clouds quite like having someone so completely helpless literally dropped into your lap. You think twice about pulling that trigger, you think twice about spending that frivolous dollar. Most leaders do have children, some don't, but I think all would be served to treat our state's budget like the family budget and the military like their own kids.
•When something goes wrong on his/her watch and it's his/her fault, have the freaking guts to get on TV and apologize whole-heartedly and unequivocally. Someone I know told me "Chivalry for the ages is accepting more blame than is yours and handing out more credit than is due."

Aubrey again, just to add one last thought. I have found that this year I am putting so-called "logic" to the side. Too many politicians who promise one thing and then do another, am I really surprised? No. But I've come to realize that what's more important to me right now is that I vote with the party who best represents my ideals and morals. This country was founded on religious principles and I best stick with said principles when voting.

Remember, tomorrow, November 2, is the big election day. Get out there and vote, voting one way or another is better than being apathetic and doing nothing at all.

Question & Answer

2010-10-25T12:46:00.002-05:00

Our first question comes from an anonymous source. It asks: "how do you deal with getting a degree but staying at home to raise your children instead of using your degree?"

Good question and one that I don't have a simple answer for. You will often hear me muttering under my breath that I got a degree so I could stay home and wipe snotty noses, argh. Then there are the days when the kids are being super cranky and ornery and I think to myself, "I don't have to do this! I don't have to be here! I can put you in daycare and work outside of the home." Not to mention the temptation of money, especially when I think about it long enough. My husband and I could be making a combined salary of six digits! Think how fast we could pay off student loans, save up for future college funds, and the oh-so many more things you can do with money. Sigh.

So, how do I deal with it? I can separate it into three reasons for you.

First, I completed my degree for the sake of an education, not a career. Sure, I chose my degree with a career in mind, but in all honesty, I really just love learning. Ever read Harry Potter? You can compare me to Hermione. If I could, I would just be a professional student. There are so many things for me to learn and I want to learn them all. The hardest thing I've done was narrow my education down to one topic. I love going to class, feeling the textbook in hand, being challenged by assignments and exams. I just love it all.

Second, is the confidence that comes with a degree. I have that confidence that comes from completing something difficult. I have the confidence that comes with knowing I could get a job if needed. I can walk in to pretty much any job and not only expect, but demand a higher wage simply for completing a degree. When things started to get a little shaky at my husbands employment last year there was the confidence that I could go back to work and support the family until he found another job. That alone is worth all of my student loans.

Third, and most important in my mind, is the message I am sending to my children. Hopefully they will grow up knowing how important receiving their education is to their father and I, simply because we have received an education. I hope they will make it their goal. I am also sending them the message that they are way more important than a fancy resume with a nice salary. More specifically is the example I am setting for my daughter. I am showing her that an education is important and to receive it, even if you plan on staying home with your children some day.

An education is extremely important to me and something I plan to continue to pursue. It is the best thing I have ever done for myself and I am finding, the best thing I have done for my family.

smirk

2010-10-20T13:35:00.002-05:00

Because of where my oldest's preschool is located, there's a good chunk of very well-to-do families that send their kids there. You know what I've discovered?...

Money doesn't buy cute kids.
{smirk}

I will not...

2010-10-19T10:02:00.005-05:00

I will not kill my children.
I. will. not. kill. my. children.
I will NOT kill my children.
I Will Not Kill My Children.
I will not KILL my CHILDREN.
I will not kill my children.
I will not kill my children.
[cue the deep breath]

Here's hopin' my children make it to another morning. It's 10:00am and already one of those days.

Too sexy!

2010-10-11T12:44:00.002-05:00

To run with Whitney's theme in the past couple of posts, I wanted to bring up sexiness. One of the things I miss the most is that feeling of being sexy. Remember what it was like to be at the store with your girlfriends picking up something as mundane as milk, but knowing you look hot doing it and that the group of guys who are getting eggs have stopped to look at you and your girlfriends?

Yeah, I barely remember myself. I now go to the store hoping I don't find snot on my butt (isn't it lovely when your toddler is just at that right height to wipe his nose on your bum?), smelling like spit-up, and feeling grody from all of the slobber, stickiness, and food that has been wiped on me throughout the day. I'm lucky to look half-way decent let alone sexy!

But then I get in my car. See, there is something special about being behind the wheel of a car. The power, the speed, the radio blaring. The fact that you are going just fast enough so that people see there is a cute girl behind the wheel, but not that she has pee on her shirt (oh, and if I roll my windows down it makes my hair look "wind-teased"). Stopping at a light and a cute guy pulls up next to you smiles and nods and you realize - he hasn't seen the kids in the backseat! I'm just a random twenty-five year old girl who, yes, will drag-race you to the next light. (Did I mention I have a bit of a lead foot?)

Ah yes, the car is the one place, that no matter what, I can feel sexy. What really makes me feel sexy is my husband. He loves to let me drive and whenever I pick him up from work he can't help but comment "You look sexy" and then give me light kisses on my neck.

So, tell me, are there times you feel sexy?

Got a Question?

2010-10-08T10:41:00.002-05:00

Want to learn a little bit more about us? Want us to discuss a certain topic? Read something lately that you would love to hear what our opinion on the matter is? If so, put your question or topic idea in the formspring box in the right column.

We can write about what we think is interesting all day long, but even more fun would be to hear from you, our loyal readers. Direct the questions to one of us or both of us. Ask us something personal or not, we don't care, just ask. We will answer the questions as often as possible and as direct as possible.

So, bring it on like Donkey Kong. (yes, I'm feeling a tad-bit cheesy today).

2010-10-04T17:40:00.005-05:00

I heard this song today and it reminded me of my last post. So...here's to the hope that we can all learn how to flirt like our husbands' teenage dreams once again.

ps-yes, I know there's an official music video version of this song, but I much prefer the live version. As an added bonus, it's significantly less skanky.

what I miss most (part II)

2010-10-03T19:26:00.003-05:00

You know what else I miss most about being single?

Flirting.

You see, I was a dang. good. flirt. I practically oozed hair flips, teasing smiles, and batting eyes from my pores, I swear it (ask Aubrey, she was there for it all). Being more then a bit of a coquette came so naturally to me, it might as well have been breathing. You see, not only was I good at it, but I absolutely loved doing it. Apparently, as the comments from my last what I miss most post led me to believe, so did a whole heck of a lot of you.

I adored the kind of flirting that Jennae mentioned in her comment, the casual flirting with the waiter, random guy at the store, etc. It was such a rush to know that someone found you funny, attractive, and put an extra bounce in my step (or should I say swing in my walk? ;). Then, of course, there was the more serious sort of flirting...the kind you did with a boyfriend or a friend you'd hope would become something more. That was the type of flirting where I pulled out all the stops. It was completely exhilarating...and often led to the type of butterfly-inducing make-out sessions that MeKayla and Liberty mentioned in their comments. The whole thing would just make me feel dazzling, beautiful, and witty. I would just sit back and soak the whole experience up like a sponge.

Now, for some reason, it's just not the same. Don't get me wrong, I'm still head-over-heels in love with my husband. He'll still occasionally chase me around the kitchen with water in his mouth and I've been known to put notes in his lunch (and not just to chew him out because he forgot to take out the garbage...again), but somehow the glitter of flirting is gone. I think, like Catherine alluded to in her comment, the surprise and suspense has pretty much gone...to the bedroom, that is ;) Not to be overt, but I think the fact that there is an actual ending to the game makes the whole thing a lot harder to play. I think I'm just less motivated to pull out my big flirting guns when I know that the end is going to be the same regardless of how hard I work to get it there. I like to hope, however, that maybe, just maybe I can bring this one back a little into things. Maybe a few more real live, out of the house dates and a few less TV shows while wearing pajamas might make a difference. A girl can dream, right?

what I miss most (part I)

2010-09-28T16:45:00.008-05:00

You know what I miss most about being single?

Dancing.

Now I'm not talking professional or even serious dancing...just the "getting your groove on" type. Serious or not, however, the mere thought of a good ol' hip-shakin' dance makes my heart ache something fierce. I don't know why, but it seems once I got married my opportunities for shaking my booty anywhere other then my kitchen just disappeared. I can count on one hand how many time I've done real-live public dancing since tying the know. O.n.e. h.a.n.d. folks, in over 6 years of marriage. Coming from someone who would go to at least one official dance a month in my single days (not to mention the innumerable spontaneous dances that seem to pop up like daisies when you're young), that is a drastic drop. I don't know that things are really going to change anytime soon. As I wasn't really the clubbing type pre-marriage (most of mine were done at at church or school functions or friends' houses), it seems a little silly to start that up three kids later. I've toyed with the idea of trying out a dance class (I just looove the idea of belly dancing), but lack of money and time have always kiboshed that. Really, though, it's not organized dancing I'm looking for. Instead, I long for the times when I could stand in a crowd of hot, sticky bodies and let the music move my body. Hip-hop, techno, country, oldies, even the ever-difficult-to-dance-to alternative...I loved and still love them all. And so, 6 years into my dance-less existence, I find myself, like a sneaky addict, trying to get a few mini-hits in when I can (in the car on the way to preschool, next to the stove stirring dinner, in my bedroom while getting dressed)...and still mourning the loss of it all.

How 'bout y'all? What do you miss most?

FYI: Recall

2010-09-23T14:42:00.002-05:00

There's been a massive Similac recall for all of you who use formula or know someone who uses formula.

The formula I just bought yesterday is in this category.

To see if your formula is recalled go here: http://similac.com/recall/lookup.aspx

Sick Husband

2010-09-18T12:03:00.002-05:00

My husband stayed home sick from work yesterday. He caught the respiratory virus that is going around and of course thought he was dying. Does anyone else's husband do this?

I was nice and made him breakfast, drugged him up, and took the kids out to the Zoo that morning so he could rest in peace and quiet. I was kind of excited to have my husband home, even if he was an invalid.

Then I realized how much having my husband home disrupts my day. Not only did I have my children demanding my attention, but now had my sick husband demanding my attention. He wanted to cuddle and watch movies all day since he wasn't feeling good, which would have been fine if our very active children would have desired the same thing. I felt like I couldn't get anything done. My email went unchecked, the house was ignored, and the kids wanted Daddy to play with them. My routine was completely gone.

By mid-afternoon I wanted him to go back to work. Instead I took a nice, long, hot shower. I was going to get some benefit out of him being at home! Does anyone else have this problem? Husbands disrupting the weekday schedule?

Whatever you do, don't drink the icky soap.

2010-09-09T16:14:00.001-05:00

Yesterday evening, in the post-dinner rush (which is nothing like the pre-dinner rush, the pre-bedtime rush, the lunchtime rush, or the mid-morning rush, of course), Toddler mysteriously disappeared. I found her a short time later trying to wipe off her tongue with our kitchen towel. I followed her into the bathroom where she tried to wash out her mouth. When I asked her what was the matter, she informed me "soap icky." I agreed that yes, soap was icky, that she probably shouldn't eat it again in the future and went on my merry way. I know, I know, I probably should've been at least slightly concerned, but I had a Ralphie-esque from The Christmas Story picture running through my head enabling me to dismiss all worries ("It... It 'twas... soap poisoning!").

It wasn't until a couple of minutes later that I began to suspect a bigger problem. I picked Toddler up and noticed a distinct un-soap like smell on her breath so I told her to lead me to the "icky soap." Turns out what she decided to guzzle wasn't soap...but hand sanitizer.

big oops.

Figuring now was a good time for alarm, versus my usual live and let live mothering philosophy, I called in the cavalry...Poison Control (bless their hearts, they've been there for me countless times). We went through the stats: up to .5 oz of hand sanitizer (she emptied what was left in the bottle) of 63% ethyl alcohol in a 20-21lbs 22mo old (yes, she's small) equals what could possibly be one very drunk toddler. In the worst case scenario (where she drank everything left in the bottle), she would've had an alcohol blood level of .12something. To give all you other non-drinkers out there a reference point, the legal blood alcohol limit is .08. Let's just say she most likely would not pass the Walk Down The Line test. Brent (nice, non-judgmental Poison Control worker) told me to watch for staggering, extreme drowsiness, vomiting, or even table dancing.

As luck would have it, Scarlett had managed to spit out most of the hand sanitizer she put in her mouth and the aforementioned symptoms never came to pass (thank heavens). While she might have been a little tipsy (there was a lot of "ooo, look at the sky" wide-eyed moments going on), she was not, in fact, completely sloshed.

We'll have to leave the shirtless table dancing for some other time.

How about y'all? What's the craziest thing your kid has consumed?

Ladies Night

2010-09-01T13:46:00.002-05:00

Whitney and I decided it was time for a girl's night out. So, we packed our bags, kissed our husbands good-bye, and went to downtown Kansas City.

We changed our outfits numerous times, ate junk food, got in and out of the car without having to pack around diaper bags, strollers, car seats and kids, and acted like single girls our age do (except for the martinis and one-night stands).

We stayed at the Q Hotel,

walked around the Plaza,

and grabbed a bite to eat at Brio.

We looked at the many fountains in Kansas City and went to the local art museum and drooled over Rodin, Monet, and Oldenburg. What can I say? We had a love affair with art.

Aubrey in front of one of the Plaza's many fountains

One of our favorites painted by Mr. Vincent van Gogh himself
*dreamy sigh*

Badminton, anyone?

Whitney marching along with the metal pedestrians

We talked about EVERYTHING under the sun, stayed up past 2am, and just sat back and enjoyed ourselves.

It was exactly what we needed and I highly recommend it to others. What do you need? Here's a couple ideas: A best friend... or two... or three. A nice hotel, go ahead and spoil yourselves, especially when splitting the costs. Junk food (you know, the kind you gorged yourselves on as teenagers) and a couple very fun public place you can go and really enjoy without the kids. The only rule: no guilt. Don't feel like you're leaving your family behind, chances are the kids are having some great bonding time with their dads, and you will be coming home a much happier Mom.

One last thing: a BIG thank you to our husbands for encouraging our little weekend and letting us shrug off the Mom-ness for 24 hours. Where would we be without your love and support?

My Consolation Prize

2010-08-24T12:21:00.003-05:00

I've decided that when a Little Old Lady tells you that your children are beautiful, it's really her way of consoling you for the fact that they are also terribly ill-behaved.

When Mama ain't happy...

2010-08-18T21:55:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, in the immortal words of Alexander, I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I even kinda, sorta wanted to move to Australia. all. by. myself.

I ranted, I raved, I eerily resembled a shrieking banshee, I'm sure. At least in the eyes of my children, anyway. My four year old even had the balls to inform me that I was "being a mean, mean mommy." The brave child and I then decided we were going to start over. I was going to try to be nice and he was going to attempt to be slightly more cooperative. I told him that I was going to do the dishes and he could pick up his room like I had previously been begging him to do and then we could see if we couldn't have a fun afternoon.

He retorted that I was, "still being a mean, mean mommy." I told him even nice mommies make their kids clean their rooms.

Ya know what, though? After about 20 more minutes of bellyaching, he actually picked up his room. A bit after that my 3 year old told me I was wonderful. Then the 21 month old went down for a nap and the older two actually helped me pick up a bit and then watched a movie quietly. If I hadn't seen the change for myself I would've thought that a Stepford Wives-like switch had happened. Instead, in reality, my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day somehow managed to turn into quite a pleasant one.

Now, I know this was more of an anomaly versus everyday life. I know that nine times out of ten I can be the nicest or not so nicest mom ever and my kids will continue on in their previously established moods. However, just this once, I was reminded that the saying, "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," goes both ways. That sometimes, when I'm not happy, my children aren't happy...and when I am happy, my children might actually decide to be happy too.

So, while this insight most likely won't cause any huge tidal waves of change in my little corner of the world, I'm hopin' that maybe, just possibly, it might cause a bit of a ripple effect. Maybe the next time I'm having an Alexander-worthy bad day, I can just decide to stop.

stop the yelling.
stop the crying.
stop the threats.

and see if I can't just start the day over.

Stressed

2010-08-11T13:59:00.003-05:00

I've been a bit stressed lately. Why... is a topic for another day. Today's topic is the result of stress. Sometimes when stressed I get depressed. I shut-down. I don't want to do anything, see anyone, or talk to anyone. This happens rarely and is usually coupled with something else (ahem, pregnancy hormones pumping through my body). Normally I get agitated and focus my energies into cleaning.

And I clean and clean. In two days alone I cleaned my kitchen, living room, laundry (this included folding and putting away the clothes, which I hate), swept and mopped my entire house (which is no small feat considering my entire house, except for the bedrooms, is a combination of laminate and tile flooring), and dusted. All of this on top of my day-to-day taking care of the kids, making dinner, and the hours I've spent outside of the home attending to other things. What makes it even better is I haven't given in to the second part of my stress-ness - eating junk food. I like my comfort food and have been craving a nice juicy burger all week. Instead I've made dinner at home and kept within our new healthy-living eating habits. Tonight's menu: Veggie burgers, hopefully it will curb my burger craving. Hopefully.

My husband has said I need to get out by myself, maybe go to Barnes & Noble or something. However, due to obligations in the evenings between the two of us this hasn't happened yet. Maybe it's time to take this energy to the spare bedroom and finish unpacking and finally set up my office?

All of this has made me curious - what do other people do when they are stressed? Are you a cleaner like me? Or do you curl up with a pint of ice cream and a good chick-flick? And how do you manage your stress? Do you have a hobby that helps take your mind off things? Or do you go drool over all of the books at Barnes & Noble?

a plea for help

2010-08-06T20:22:00.003-05:00

I know I don't usually go this route with my posts, but my good friend Mekayla asked me to help some good friends of hers, Steve and Nikki Gutierrez, and I'm more then willing to in any way I can.

Steve and Nikki were married on May 25th of this year. Less then two months into their marriage and just barely after they moved into their newly purchased home, Steve was in a very serious motorcycle accident. The other driver was cited, but Steve almost lost his life and then almost lost his right arm. At this point in time, it is believed that his arm will never properly function again. Other major injuries include a fractured skull, fractured vertebrae in his lower neck, a broken arm between his elbow and shoulder, and damaged ligaments in his left knee, not to mention innumerable cuts, bruises, and contusions.

The results of this poor couple's bad luck? Steve is going to need a lot of physical and occupational therapy and he likely won't be able to work for months or year (and even then having to deal with a damaged right arm). Nikki, his wife, has already had to miss a lot of work and is likely to continue having to miss a lot of work as her husband will require almost constant attention, especially in the upcoming months. To top it off, they estimate the medical bills alone could exceed $1 million dollars, only about one-third of which will be paid for by insurance, at best.

What can we do to help? Here's a few ideas...

First off, a website has been created for the couple at http://helpsteveandnikki.com/. Go there to find more detailed information, pictures, and updates as well as multiple ways to help support them both financially and emotionally.

Feel free to donate whatever you're comfortable with, even if it's just a few dollars. A few dollars from a lot of people can make a big difference!

Help to spread the word! Tell others about the website, become a fan of their facebook page, tell your friends and family Steve and Nikki's story, and so forth. There's also a list of possible ways to help spread the word on the website.

Offer words of encouragement to Steve and Nikki through the form on their website or via facebook. They've really been touched and encouraged by all of the comments so far. They literally had hundreds of fans the first day the facebook page went live at the end of last week and it continues to grow every day. It has been such a blessing to them!

Lastly, any positive thoughts or prays you can send their way are always, always welcome. I'm sure they need all the help they can get!

Thanks so much for your time and listening ear everyone! Here's the website for y'all one more time: http://helpsteveandnikki.com/

Where's Eye of The Tiger when I need it?

2010-08-02T09:57:00.003-05:00

Recently I've taken up running. Shocking, I know. I enjoy my runs for the most part: they're a much-needed time-out before the littles wake up, there's the mild feeling of superiority one gets when healthy habits are being established, and, as an added bonus, I get to have the occasional guy check me out in my workout duds.

There is one thing that my morning runs are missing, however...

Music.

Those rare occasions in my life when I worked out regularly always had some kind music to go along with it, most likely because I'm a dance/aerobics girl. So, I miss it. To make a long ramble longer, what I'm really doing is asking for suggestions. What do you work out to? What gets your blood pumping and your feet moving? I have a few I like, but they're more circa 2002 (which would be the approximate time of my last I work out :P) and getting a little stale. So, how 'bout you?

Getting my craft-on... or not

2010-07-26T12:02:00.002-05:00

I've never been particularly crafty. I once tried to sew shorts, one leg ended up longer than the other. Then there was my watermelon pillow, it looked like someone had taken "bites" out of it. There was the doll I made for my mother that she threw away because she mistook it for trash. Nobody ever wants to be on my team when we play Pictionary.

It never really bothered me before. Okay, so I didn't have an ounce of craftiness in me, that's what Hobby Lobby is for, right? But then I got married and started having kids. And my friends got married and started having kids. Suddenly I realized how crafty my friends are - I didn't even know Whitney crocheted until she made a blanket for my son! Shouldn't surprise me really, she always was the "artsy" one.

Then my Mom started in, "look at these cute curtains you can sew for your baby's room," "those pants are really too long on your son, why don't you hem them up?" "You bought this sign when you could have made it using the Cricut..." Then my friends started getting together for "scrapbook nights" and "craft nights." It was just getting worst. I mean, going over to my friends houses and seeing their cute decor or reading about there latest project on their blogs was one thing, but now it were infiltrating my social life!

And so I started having an identity crisis. I was avoiding the craft nights, crying over the picture that my husband hung too high on the wall, stressing over how blank my walls look because I don't have an eye for placement of pictures, and worrying that my bookshelf didn't look "balanced" because all it had on it was books.

I just always thought that I would magically become crafty, talented and clean when my children entered this world, but the truth is, I'm still same old me. My house has a slight disorganized feel to it with stacks of books, magazines, and papers that get dropped wherever I was reading it last. There's always clothes on the floor, toys scattered throughout the hall, and some new cooking project spread on kitchen countertops. I've embraced my bookshelves that only have books on it (I love my books) and my blank walls. I go to craft night to socialize and then drop by Hobby Lobby to buy a professionally made and really cute wreath to hang on my door.

Swagger Wagon

2010-07-21T10:07:00.003-05:00

While watching the "Dad Life" video from Church on the Move, I came across this video, and well, it was too funny not to share. Hope you enjoy it.

I Need a Reminder

2010-07-14T13:12:00.003-05:00

Blame it on the heat, the close age of my kids, the constant barrage of company, blame it on whatever you want; but things have been a bit rough. When things get a bit rough, I remind myself all that is good and well with the world, or in this case, motherhood. So here goes:

*The smiles and hugs first thing in the morning. The excitement of discovering their surroundings. The thrill (and terror) on their face the first time they roll over. The sound of their laughter. Pausing in my rush to examine a beetle, splash in a puddle, and chase a bird. Listening to the babble and squeals of delight of my children playing together. Rediscovering favorite childhood past times such as playing in the rain and PBJ sandwiches. Watching their faces light up when you come home, or walk into a room after being absent for a few seconds. Seeing the love in their eyes when they see their Daddy. Reading them books. Playing trains. Holding them in my arms. Walking hand-in-hand. Watching them sleep. Feeling like my heart is going to burst from too much love.

Things I wish I had Known

2010-07-07T14:23:00.003-05:00

A few of my friends are getting ready to welcome their first child into their homes and join the elite club that is otherwise known as Motherhood. It's made me think about what kind of advice I can give them, so I've compiled a list of things I wish I had known. Some of this stuff you can find in books (but if you're anything like me, you didn't know what to take to heart and what to ignore).

1. Things to bring to the hospital (besides the obvious change of clothing): nursing pads, nursing bra, feminine napkins, comfortable panties (especially if you're having a c-section, you don't want anything resting on your incision), and socks. Some things like feminine napkins and funny looking underwear will be provided to you by the hospital, take advantage of these and don't be afraid to ask for extra ones to take home with you.
2. Speaking of things to bring home with you: ask for extra diapers, changing pads, pacifiers, shirts for baby.
3. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself in the hospital: if you're in pain ask for medicine, if you're hungry ask for food. Most nurses try to make sure you're well taken care of, but they are human and can't read your mind.
4. Wear your nursing bra at ALL TIMES! At night, at home, at the store, you get the point. Only take it off during showers, obviously. In fact, buy multiple nursing bras because the engorgement period can really make you run through them.
5. Set up a nursing station as well as a diaper changing station. Keep extra nursing pads, Lanolin, a bottle of water (you get really dehydrated while nursing), and crackers close at hand. You might even need washcloths and an extra bra.
6. Diaper changing station should include diapers, wipes, diaper cream (like Desitin or Butt Paste), and an absorbent changing pad. It's amazing what little babies can do.
7. Those first few weeks I would keep a basket for nursing and a basket for changing by my bedside for the midnight feedings. I kept an extra change of clothing for baby too, so I wouldn't have to rummage around trying to find some pajamas while bleary-eyed.
8. It's perfectly normal to not have a clue how to nurse - talk to the Lactation consultant before you leave the hospital to make sure the baby is attaching correctly. (Warning: they (lactation consultants) are very in your business and touchy, just to give you a heads-up in case you are a more private person).
9. Newborn babies make lots of funny, almost scary noises. Especially as they are trying to clear out their lungs of fluids. Remember if your baby is coughing and making NOISE then that means they are getting air, it's when they go all silent and purply-blue on you that it's time to panic.
10. Remember you're not alone. There are plenty of forums, blogs (like this one), and friends who are doing this too. Don't ever feel dumb asking a question or calling your pediatrician. OH and that's one more thing - if your baby is acting funny, and it's obviously not an emergency, and you're not sure if it warrants a doctor's appointment, just call the pediatrician and ask to speak to a nurse. A lot of times they can answer your questions over the phone and let you know if it is even worth coming in to the office.

So, those are just a few things I came up with. Let's hear it ladies - what kind of advice can you pass on to all those first time Moms.

A Message From My Father

2010-07-01T09:28:00.007-05:00

My father sent me this video this morning. It was a much-needed reminder that even when the world doesn't recognize and appreciate the importance of motherhood and the hard work that goes into it...that our Heavenly Father appreciates it. That He sees us and loves us, especially on the rough days. That He wants to help us raise up their sweet little souls to Him, He wants to help us find the patience to last the day, we just have to ask Him for that help.

So often the world gives us a line about "being a mother is hard work," but it's just another platitude to make us feel like they're recognizing us...but they don't. They dismiss what we do, insisting that we should do and be more, that mothering is something we could just as easily pay other people to do for us, that we're not doing enough or that we're doing too much for our children. But, our Father in Heaven really does recognize us.

I guess that's what this video meant to me. That He sees me and recognizes the work I do. That when no one else is up with me during the 2am feeding...He is. Even if it doesn't seem to matter to anyone else that the floor is dirty 2 seconds after I clean it and the kids don't listen when I try to teach them...that He sees that I tried in the first place.

Thanks for the reminder, Dad...both my Heavenly and Earthly one.

ps-I know, I know, I posted this on my personal blog too. I don't ever double-post like this, but after having thought about it for an hour or so, I decided that this was too important of a message not to share with everyone.

Sometimes...

2010-06-20T13:40:00.005-05:00

...my children just wear on me. They'll start in with their shrieking, whining, and bickering...and a weight on my chest will settle, dragging me down. They exhaust me. It makes me want to go hide in my room under my covers (which, in fact, is exactly what I do sometimes). I'll find myself begging, pleading with them to please, please just stop and listen to me, unable to muster the energy to push myself into the cacophonous fray. They'll cling and pull on me, crawling up my legs and into my head. Sometimes, I just want to peel them off like uncomfortable clothing, fold them nicely up, and stuff then in my closet. I'd take a deep breath and then go out to lunch, followed by some leisurely shopping. all. by. myself.

...for now, however, I suppose I'll just continue to rely on the occasional popsicle and the insistence that they must eat it outside.

2010-06-14T12:22:00.003-05:00

So, when exactly did I become a Ma'am instead of a Miss?

...just wonderin'.

Buying a House

2010-06-07T15:42:00.004-05:00

My husband and I recently bought our first house, and needless to say, I learned a lot. I thought I would pass on my new found wisdom (do you feel lucky or what?;). Whether it's your first home or you are a seasoned pro - hopefully there will be something in here for you.

First thing to consider when buying a home is the economy. The economy plays a huge part in how you negotiate, the prices of the homes, and whether or not you can get approved for a loan. Second thing to consider are your preferences and priorities. Both you and your partner need to discuss things like which side of town you want to live on and is it more important than space, how many bedrooms you want, bathrooms you want, and what is important to each of you. For example the kitchen is important to me while my husband wanted nice big living areas - these are the two things that make or break the deal for us. Have a firm idea of what you are both looking for when shopping for a house.

With that in mind here is what I learned:

1. It's a buyer's market, hands-down. We threatened to walk away several times on our offer and each time the seller called saying they would agree to our terms.
2. Even though it's a buyer's market, it's super hard to get approved for a loan. If you do get approved be ready to put down almost twice the normal down payment (especially if you are a first time home buyer, like us). The usual recommended amount is 3%, however we were asked to put down close to 6% (and we have a great credit score). The optimal number is 20% - you avoid PMI with 20% down.
3. Do not get emotionally involved, it's a business transaction. So what if you LOVE the house, if the seller is asking for more than you can afford, be strong and walk away.
4. Pay attention to how long the house has been on the market and look at the history to see why (if it's been out for over a couple of months). Our house had been on the market for over 6 months. This told us a couple of things, one, that we should ask ourselves why, and two, that the owner was probably anxious to get rid of the place (especially when we found it empty) which basically gave us the upper hand.
5. Be fair but firm in your offer, don't insult the seller with an extremely low offer, but do your research and know what you can afford.
6. Things that are negotiable: anything that is wrong with the house, this includes termites, crushed air-ducts, roof repair, etc. Also, you can ask for things to stay including refrigerators, washer/dryers, stoves and dishwashers are usually expected but make sure it is in your contract, and backyard pools, sheds, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for something, you are going to have to live there and you want the initial moving-in to be as pleasant as possible.
7. Put a clause in your initial offer that allows you to re-negotiate if the home inspection finds some major problems. For example, we said that if repairs came to over $700, then we were out of contract and could then renegotiate. This was a lifesaver as our inspection found termites, crushed air-ducts, and a few other problems that would have put a huge dent in our budget and made an already stressful situation even worst.
8. Get a home inspection. Termite inspections are required by the bank but home inspections are not. I would strongly recommend home inspections. Also, use inspectors that are not associated with the Realtor. Inspectors can overlook things so the Realtor can make the sale. You want an inspector who works for you not the Realtor.
9. Be aware of costs: you will pay a Good Faith payment usually $500-$1000, home inspections which can run anywhere from $150-$250, and closing costs which include termite inspections and appraisals.
10. Finally, and most importantly, do your research! Research the area of town, the neighborhood, the school districts, the going prices for other homes in the area, price per square foot, the size of other homes in the area, and have a firm grip on your budget.

Date Night Dilemma

2010-05-24T22:20:00.004-05:00

A friend and I have recently started up a casual babysitting swap. She has three kids, I have three kids, all roughly the same age who manage to get along as well as any 6 kids can, ages 5 and under. We have similar parenting styles, our kids have similar temperaments, not to mention similar schedules too. It's pretty much a match made in heaven. There has been one bump in the road that I didn't plan on, however...

What exactly is one suppose to do when given the chance to have a regular date night? For so long, darling husband and I have only really gone out for planned events (get-togethers, long-awaited movie releases, holidays, family events, that sort of thing). So, when left with a few hours on our own...we end up semi-stumped. There's the ever-present option of dinner out or a movie, but those get old quick (not to mention pricey). I used to think I loved window-shopping on dates, but that was until I had no money and realized window-shopping is not all that fun when you take the shopping part out of the equation. So, what's a girl to do?

What do y'all do on the rare kids-free evening? Also, if you are in the Kansas City area, are there any fun places specifically that you think are worth the occasional splurge? Really, any suggestions (or commiserations) would be greatly appreciated!

Unlocking my child

2010-05-17T13:16:00.002-05:00

I have a two year old son. Well, at least he will be two in the next few days. He doesn't talk much. I mean, he babbles a lot, but doesn't say much in actual words. He doesn't really form sentences and has a lot of made-up words that mean something to him and absolutely nothing to me. I can coax words out of him, but he doesn't voluntarily talk. I haven't been too concerned. Sure, other children his age or younger are speaking like little adults, my kid is just moving at his own pace.

I would probably be more concerned if I felt like he wasn't understanding things, but the fact is he understands a lot. I can say, "Son, pick up your toys and put them in your toy box." And he does it. When I say it's bedtime, he runs into his bedroom, grabs his stuffed football and climbs in to bed. He's also very active and figures things out quickly, maybe a little too quickly.

Still, the fact remains that he doesn't speak, and it is frustrating. I can't figure out what he wants sometimes which leads to tears and tantrums. People who are around him less really can't figure out what he wants since they don't pick up on his physical cues as much as I do.

Should I learn sign language? I always thought sign language was a bit overrated and just a new parenting fad. Then my husband's aunt came to visit. She works in early childhood development specifically with deaf children. Naturally she started signing with my son. In a matter of a couple of hours he had learned at least 10 new words and was speaking in short sentences. I'm not talking about he learned the signs for the words - I mean he was literally saying new words. I couldn't believe it. My husband and I sat down and started talking with her. What we found out completely blew us away. Studies are coming out showing that kids need more than one input to learn something. They use their senses to learn (smell, sight, taste, etc). Our son was hearing the words we spoke, watching the way our lips moved, and needed the motor input that sign language brings for his brain to connect everything together. That motor input was the key.

Basically, even though he is not autistic, he learns in much the same way an autistic child learns. I'm not a professional, but the way I understand it is it's like baking cookies. You have all the ingredients sitting on the counter. Separately they don't do anything, but when you combine them together (auditory, visual, and motor skills) they make cookies (or in our case, words).

Needless to say I went to the library and checked out all the toddler signing books and DVDs I could find. As my husband commented, "it's like we've unlocked our child."

Where's a Confessional when I need one?

2010-05-11T11:48:00.008-05:00

I refuse to clean our bathtub. My husband does it instead. I'll do the rest of the bathroom, just not the tub. * Much to the Mister's eternal chagrin, I drink out of the carton...regularly. * I definitely don't shower everyday, and sometimes only once every 3 days and just put my hair up the other days. * I don't typically change diapers when they're wet, only when they're dirty (although that only works because I have really poopy kids). * Sometimes I spend the whole day blogging, checking my email, looking up random crap online, and reading, only coming up for air to get after the kids and give them nourishment. * I absolutely loathe most housework. I can do it and do it well (my mom's a clean-freak, so I've been well-trained), but I hate it. * I almost never make my bed. * Sometimes, I wish I hadn't married so young (19). * I'm jealous of girls that went on missions, they seem so accomplished and spiritual. * I'm a zit popper (drives my husband insane). * I was recently released from my primary calling at church and was immensely relieved. I was going crazy working with kids nearly the same age as my own children, and with all the insanity that goes with that. * Sometimes I wish I could show off a little cleavage on occasion. * I pretend to be a good mom who doesn't want to over-schedule her kids, but really I'm just too lazy to have much structure. * I cook fairly involved meals so I don't feel guilty leaving the housework undone. * I'm a little crazy about the state of my tupperware area. Every lid and bottom has a place and shouldn't be moved. * I'm cheap to a fault. * I didn't wear a bra occasionally during my senior year of high school. It was my way of rebelling without actually doing anything too horrible. Now I just wish I still had the boobs for it. * I'm insane when it comes to matching colors. I'll notice a non-matcher item from 20 paces, I swear it. * I exercise with (minor) make-up on. * I secretly like my butt. It's big and round and makes jean-shopping a nightmare, but after years of praise from some black guy-friends I had in high school, I've come to terms with my posterior. * I seriously think my kids are the most hilarious kids ever. Sorry, but I really, truly do believe they're funnier then your kids. Well, unless your name is Liberty...then your kids hilariousity might possibly trump my own. * I still get sick to my stomach when my mom or dad calls me casually into a different room. It's a throw-back from my childhood when that usually meant I was in trouble and they didn't want to alarm me, causing me to flee the scene. * I prefer hairy men to those clean-chested, clean-faced type. Pretty sure my insistence is the sole reason Spencer currently has a goatee.* I think my feet, toes especially are beautiful. They're my very favorite part of my body. * Speaking of which, I think un-painted female toenails are ugly. * I adore candy. I would eat entire bags of it in a single sitting if given the chance. * My house is currently a disaster, but I think I'm going to ignore it and go to the craft store instead.

There now, that was cleansing. Your turn...

Guilt

2010-05-03T12:41:00.002-05:00

The other day I found myself alone in my house. This doesn't happen often and while I had a list a mile long of things to do, I found myself aimlessly flipping through channels on the TV just because I could without interruption. This landed me on the Ellen Show with guest Jennifer Lopez. I happen to like Jennifer Lopez and so I stopped to listen to the interview. Jennifer Lopez has twins about the age of my son and so the topic of motherhood came up. Ellen asked Lopez what the biggest surprise of motherhood is, that you always hear about how hard it is but it is worth it all and the best thing anyone has ever done. Lopez thought for a few moments and then gave the best answer I've ever heard. The biggest surprise of motherhood, she said, is the guilt. I found myself shouting yes at the TV. Nobody ever told me about the guilt.

You feel guilty doing something by yourself - whether it's taking a shower or going out for an hour. You feel guilty for not liking your body, for picturing where you would be without kids, for not wanting sex, for wanting to pursue your own dreams and hobbies. You feel guilty when the house isn't clean and if you clean it you feel guilty for taking time from your children to clean. You feel guilty when you serve chicken nuggets, french fries, and corn for the umpteenth time because it is the easy way out and everyone is satisfied. Then there is the guilt at the end of the day as you ask yourself were you the best Mom possible. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at my two year old as he peed on my bed. Did I give my children enough hugs? Am I teaching them the things that are important for them to succeed in life?

As I write this my youngest is waking up from her nap and I feel guilty that I am not responding immediately. There is even a small amount of guilt that I took time to write this instead of doing my chores.

Nobody told me about the guilt and nobody has told me how to handle the guilt. So, it all builds up until it overflows in tears and hormones, usually directed toward my husband. And as he holds me and tells me it will all be okay I can't help but feel guilty that he had to come home to such an emotional wife.

Look at those Jazz Hands go!

2010-04-30T18:53:00.003-05:00

My sister (one of our most faithful HCT readers) referred me to this video, another Anita Renfroe brainchild, after seeing our (A More Real) Love Story post. While I can't quite say that I look forward to having wrinkles, necessarily, I love Anita's healthy, yet hilarious, view on getting older. Enjoy!

(A More Real) Love Story

2010-04-26T14:03:00.008-05:00

One of my friends linked me this video and it seriously made my day. It made me laugh...and almost made me cry it was so true to life. Hope you enjoy it half as much as I did!

We are sowing, daily sowing...

2010-04-21T08:38:00.007-05:00

I was attending our recent Stake Young Women Leadership Meeting*. While there, we sung the song We Are Sowing, to go along with the idea of how we are helping to grow a garden of strong, spiritual girls. Well, not only did this song remind me of young women...but my thoughts eventually led, as they typically do, to motherhood. The song starts with the line, "We are sowing, daily sowing Countless seeds of good and ill," then goes on to describe all the different places these seeds could be sown. There are the good places, like in "rich, brown furrows, Soft with heaven's gracious rain," and not so good places, like those "cast out in crowded places, trodden under foot of men."

It just reminded me that through the day, I'm sowing seeds inside my children, both with my harsh words and my gentle ones. When I teach my children of Jesus...and when I unintentionally teach my children that yelling is an appropriate way to express emotion. Sorry to be such a downer...but I was actually really comforted while singing the song, because the overall message of it is that even though our good seeds often fall on deaf ears, that some of them really do fall in fertile places...that if we ask the Lord to "bid thine angels guard the furrows Where the precious grain is sown," that he really WILL help us in our teaching of our children and in their ability to listen and learn. It's tough work being a mommy, especially since I often wonder if all my children will do is remember the yells and time-outs and forget the frequent hugs, giggles, and kisses...but this song reminded me that with the not-so-great seeds we sow, we also sow wonderful seeds, "sown in tears and love and prayer." At the end of the day, that's all I can really do. I can go to work in my garden of children and pray for the Lord to help my seeds take root, growing healthy and strong.

*For those of you not members of the LDS church, Young Women is our female version of your typical church youth group and our Stake is our church's organization in the area we live in.

Love Whose Body?

2010-04-09T22:22:00.010-05:00

What time is it, Readers?

You guessed it...time for another Media Rant by Whitney.

On the menu this time, my own beloved Vicky S. Let me start off by saying I LOVE Victoria's Secret. I really, truly do. I love their bras. I love their lingerie. I love their body creams. What I can do without is their recent hypocrisy. VS has launched a mini-line, titled 'Love Your Body' within their best-selling Body line. At first I was sort of thrilled to hear this. I envisioned ads containing women of all shapes and sizes a la Dove's Real Beauty Campaign. Ya know: young, old, short, tall, curvy, boyish, etc. Come to find out...mmmm, not so much. In fact, the ads contain nothing more then a line up of, you guessed it, perfectly proportioned models.

So, whose body exactly am I supposed to be loving? I can tell ya right now I'm not loving looking at stick-thin models with legs up to here, yet still magically having D-size boobs. Yeah, not in love with that at all, actually.

To top it off, the campaign includes a video of the models discussing all the different parts of a man's body they love. Again, how is this supposed to help me love my body? Watching a panty-clad model lounge about discussing how much she loves a man's tummy (while pointing out her own amazingly toned abs for inspection), does not make me LOVE my very own post-baby body. So, next time you attempt to help women around the world love THEIR bodies, why don't you start by actually loving THEIR bodies yourself? Sorry VS, but you reeeeally missed the mark this time.

For those who are interested...

The 'What do you love about a man's body' Video:

The 'Love Your Body' Commercial:

Breaking Point

2010-04-01T15:40:00.004-05:00

I'm reaching the breaking point with my son. Seriously reaching the point where I want to return my kids. Can I return these for my old body, my sanity, and a new pair of hot high heels? Starburst jelly beans (which are my favorite and you can only find at Easter time) are my cigarettes (don't smoke or drink, so it's candy for me).

We are reaching the terrible two's. Some people say it only gets worst from here. I'm inclined to believe them. He's broken two of my dishes, tried to eat sunscreen, went around eating the old bread I had thrown out for the birds, covered himself head-to-toe in dirt (of course he was wearing his NICE clothes too), and tried dancing in the bathtub. Normally this would just be a normal day. I might feel exasperated, tired, a little irate, but I could deal with it. But nooOOoo - we have to add the hitting, kicking, throwing, and the temper tantrums. The full out, throws himself on the floor (sometimes with his little fists pounding the floor), screaming and crying tantrums. I'm becoming a pro at getting a diaper on a running, screaming 2 year old.

Today I wanted to throw myself on the floor and join him in the tantrum. The thought of what people would think of a mother and her son prostrate on the floor of WalMart screaming and crying is enough to make me smile (oh right - and keep from doing it). Then there's the crying. If it isn't one kid it's the other. The crying alone would make most people break.

Last night I went grocery shopping - by myself! Two blissful hours without kids. I came home to a giant hug from my husband. Apparently our daughter screamed the entire time for him while he tried to wrestle our son to bed. "I don't know how you do it, but thank you. You are a great Mom." He said. Today, I don't know if I can do it. So, I'm taking a very. deep. breath.

The "Those Moms" Myth

2010-03-28T21:51:00.002-05:00

So often we, as mothers, heck as women, base our feelings about ourselves on a quick comparison to the other women and mothers around us. We view that ten minute interaction with them, and then continue to compare ourselves to it (typically negatively) for the rest of the day. Why do we do this to ourselves? Surely we know that what we're seeing can't possibly be the real them? Don't we? I realized during a conversation with my sister the other day, that I just might be one of "those moms" to a few women I know. Heaven forbid anyone think I'm a Super Mom. I'm here to tell you it's all crap. C-R-Aaaaa-P. To prove it, I'll be the first one on the chopping block:

Things That Other Moms Might See:
*I make my own bread.
*I sew.
*I cook a real dinner everyday, basically from scratch.
*My girls always have bows in their hair.
*I always have makeup on and my hair mostly done.
*I celebrate the minor holidays with my kids. St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, that sort of thing.
*I blog regularly.
*When the need arises, I can do all sorts of other crafty things.

Now, let's take a look at that list again...

*I make my own bread.
(and somehow manage to under-cook, over-cook, or otherwise bungle it up regularly.)
*I sew.
(and would be lying to say I haven't cursed at my machine more then once while doing it.)
*I cook a real dinner everyday, basically from scratch.
(and somehow manage to burn, over-salt, under-salt, or over-garlic it regularly, not to mention it doesn't really matter what I put on the table, my kids aren't touching it with a ten foot pole.)
*My girls always have bows in their hair.
(and scream the entire time I'm putting them in, causing me to scream back at them. Oh, and if you ever see us at home versus out and about, chances are not only will they not have bows in, but they'll most likely be naked too.)
*I always have makeup on and my hair mostly done.
(that would only be because I reeealllly don't like how I look otherwise. That and I have the skin and hair of a greasy, mid-puberty teenager)
*I celebrate the minor holidays with my kids. St. Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, that sort of thing.
(which, really, is only to give me something to fill up my very blank schedule with. My husband has his work projects to work towards, I have Cinco de Mayo.)
*I blog regularly.
(and spend waaaay too much time on the computer doing other things that don't fit in the "it's okay because it's an electronic journal" category.)
*When the need arises, I can do all sorts of other crafty things.
(and my house, routine, and children go entirely to pot for the week of said craft.)

...not only all those other things, but I yell at my kids...a lot, actually. Not only do I yell at them, but some days I long to return them to the counter in exchange for my pre-baby boobs, belly, and schedule. In fact, (dare I say it?) there are a lot of days where I really don't even like them, like at all. My house is nearly always a mess. Not just the "oh, don't look close, because I swear I have cookie crumbs on my spotless floor" sort of mess, more like "it qualifies as a national disaster, let's call in the National Guard" sort of mess. I nearly never dust and only scrub my bathtub when it's really, really gross. I live on string cheese during the day because I'm too harried to eat. I never exercise (and only manage to lose the baby weight because of the aforementioned string cheese diet). My kids are picky brats who manage to get away with murder all too often. In fact, during everything on that silly list up there, there's a good chance that my house is a mess and I'm yelling at my kids while doing any of them. Let's look at a few of the other moms I know:

Mom 1:
Has absolutely gorgeous kids that she dresses to the nines. Hair combed, curled, the whole she-bang. Not only are her kids gorgeous, but she's gorgeous. In fact, her house is gorgeous too. Yep, she's definitely one of "those moms".
(and her kids watch too much TV, she hates cleaning, spends a heck of a lot of time getting her and her kids ready to leave the house, yells at her kids a lot, and doesn't like to cook dinner if it involves more then 3 ingredients.)

Mom 2:
Manages to beat us all with having 4 fabulous children. They're adorable and always put-together. Oh, and her house...absolutely spotless.
(and she sometimes daydreams of stuffing all her children in a small box under her bed....and then leaving for the beach to go lay in the sun and read a book. The occasional curse word? yep, she says it. And you guessed it...she yells at her kids too.)

Mom 3:
Has an adorable child, is always unruffled and patient, just a very put-together, on top of it girl. Not only that, but she's writing a book and has a small online business.
(...actually, I haven't figured out Mom 3's weaknesses yet...but because she's human, I'm absolutely positive she has some of them).

My point is not to point out the flaws of other moms, but to remind us all that they have them in the first place. Chances are, that those women that you're comparing yourself to are comparing themselves to half a dozen other women that too. Heck, you're probably one of the moms she's comparing herself negatively to too. None of us are perfect, none of us are Super Moms...actually, scratch that last statement. We're ALL Super Moms, simply because we show up each morning (especially if it's at 2:00am for nursing) and give ourselves to our children all day long. We breathe, sweat, cry, live for our children. We have the single hardest, most important job on earth because their world really does depend on us. So, instead of beating ourselves up, let's just try to build each other up, remembering that we're all in this together and we're all just trying to do our best. So, next time you see one of "those moms," instead of making faces at her in your head, give her a big ol' hug because she's probably having a bad hair day and has spit-up down her back.

Defect

2010-03-22T11:34:00.002-05:00

I've decided my body is a defect. I lamented to my husband that he should return me. He just looked at me like I'm crazy. Why am I defect? I can't nurse, and as you've learned from previous posts, I can't give birth either (not without the wonderful technology of c-sections). Maybe I should back up a little bit.

I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding. Besides the obvious convenience and savings (my milk is free versus formula), breastfeeding is so good for your baby. When my son was born we wasted no time in breastfeeding. I hadn't even been removed from the surgery room when we tried our first attempt. I'll admit, as many first time Moms will, that it was rough at first. He wasn't latching on right and I was completely unprepared. Nevertheless, I trudged through it. After a couple of months I was a nursing-pro. Then the crying started. He would just cry and cry. I was already on a no-dairy diet, the pediatrician had prescribed Zantac for his acid-reflux, and I was doing everything I could think of. My friends reassured me that it was just a growth spurt and it would soon pass. His 4 month check-up proved something else. My little boy was losing weight - I was unknowingly starving him. Now it was my turn to cry. By six months old I had completely dried up and my son was exclusively on a bottle.

This time I promised myself it would be different. I called in the lactation nurse while I was still in the hospital to make sure my baby girl was latching on right and I remembered everything correctly. I promised my husband I wouldn't exercise for the first six months and I would keep my calories up. If I was hungry I ate, even if it meant going for yet another cookie. It might not be the best option, but it was at least calories. I would force myself to have a snack before bed. My husband bought me an electric pump so I could pump when she decided to sleep for long stretches of time. By one month I started seeing the signs... I was drying up. My OB prescribed medicine, I sought out natural remedies. I've done it all. Increased calories, water, taken marshmallow root and sarsaparilla, tried pumping in between feedings, and eating potatoes and celery (a remedy I learned from my French friend). Still, yesterday found me close to tears as my little girl cried for more and I had nothing more to give.

I found myself spilling my frustrations to a friend, who reassured me that it was not my fault. Turns out, she has the same problem. It's so hard watching all of my other friends nurse for as long as they want (or the child wants). It's hard hearing the comments of "well, I nurse my baby" or seeing the judging looks as I hand my child a bottle. It's hard hearing that I just need to try harder and receiving advice from people who have simply read some article on the internet. As I spoke with my friend I realized that I wasn't the only one out there who has this problem. I've also realized that there is no reason to fight the course my body is naturally taking. Maybe I'm not a defect after all.

my favorite celtic crap

2010-03-17T11:59:00.004-05:00

In honor of my very favorite green day (sorry Earth Day), I'm sharing you with my favorite Irish* band, Flogging Molly. I know, I know, to many of you U2 fans *cough*spencer*cough* that's blasphamy...but still true. I love 'em because they're fun, they're fresh, I have a thing for accents (what girl doesn't though, reeeally?)...not to mention the fact that, growing up, I was forced to listen to hours upon hours of my dad's favorite music, which I fondly referred to as "celtic crap," so I suppose one could say it's influenced my musical preferences. Without further ado, I give you two of my very favorite Flogging Molly songs:

ps-sorry, there are no actual videos, just the song.

*yes, I realize they were actually formed in L.A., but their lead singer and founder is Irish and they're recognized as a Celtic band, so that's good enough for me.

Time Management

2010-03-08T15:40:00.004-06:00

I've always been an amazing time manager. It's pretty much the one talent I possess. In college I balanced a full class schedule, 30 hours of work per week, being the president of two student organizations, and a social life. Granted, I always had rings under my eyes and was super stressed all the time - the point is I did it.

But now, it seems like time gets away from me. You would think that being at home all day I could manage to get things done, but the opposite seems to happen. Whoever knew kids were so time consuming?! Seriously, I spend all day changing, feeding, holding, wiping, playing with kids. I'm not complaining - I love my children and would rather them grow up with memories of a mother who took the time to play with them instead of a mother who ignored them to clean the dishes. But, the dishes need to be done sometime. I look at other mothers and they seem to be able to do it all - and look freakin' fabulous while doing it. How?!

The worst part is that I measure my success by how much I get done. So, at the end of the day when the kids are tucked happily into bed, I look around at my dirty house with dishes in the sink, bills waiting to be paid, clothes needing to be folded, and I feel like a complete failure. I hear the voice in the back of my head saying "but you spent time with your children, and that is what really counts." However, all I can see is failure. How do you get past that? Or am I the only one who feels this way?

Just don't call it Puppy Love

2010-02-22T07:45:00.005-06:00

Lately, it seems I've been musing a lot on all my old high school flames. Not necessarily in the Brian Adams, Summer of '69, "Those were the best days of my life" sort of way, more of the Garth Brooks, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers" variety. I'll hear Blink 182's First Date (I know, I know, enough with the songs already) or someone who resembles an old boyfriend (I was at this tiny, hole in the wall, Chinese restaurant the other day and I saw some tall, skinny teenage boy who had a loping, swinging gait and it killed me how much he reminded me of my first love)...and I'll just remember. It's hard not to, I suppose, when you have all the typical high highs and low lows of teenagehood...and then some. You see, not only was I a serial dater, but I was the serial serious relationship kind of dater. I really, truly fell head over feet (nearly) every single time I professed I did.

I sometimes feel kind of sorry for the poor boys who wooed me so. They didn't know they were getting themselves stuck in a huge, boiling vat of tumultuous emotions. I know it's a cliche to say that girls are more emotionally mature then boys, but I'm still sayin' it. I was so much more ready for a Serious Commitment then the poor boys I fell for. So, when they said they loved me...I believed it. And then when they stopped saying it, I took it really, really, reeeealllly hard.

"So, what's your point?" some might ask. "Why the walk down memory lane?" Well, partly I just like to hear myself think out loud. But, aside from that, there are three conclusions I've come to in my recent musings on Exs.

#1. I'm really, really worried for my girls. I don't know if there are many mothers out there who stay up late at night worrying about when their toddler girls hit the dating years, but I do. They'll just be so vulnerable with their rose tinted glasses and their high, in the sky, apple pie hopes. And, well, teenage boys, with their raging hormones and just in the moment mentality, can be really (unintentionally or otherwise) cruel. I can only pray that my girls decide to ignore boys (other than the necessary Prom date, of course) for the entirety of their high school years. I have two very pretty, vivacious girls (if I do say so myself), so I know that's a slim chance. If they do decide to date and even *gasp* fall hard for a guy, I just hope they'll trust me to listen and allow me to help pick up the pieces of their spirit when it ends.

#2. Despite what it might sound like, I don't really regret 99% of those relationships. Here's another cliche for you, but I learned so much from those star crossed loves. Not only did I learn about relationships, but I learned all about myself and what I needed in the guy I was going to spend forever with. So, when I found a guy who was worth keeping, a guy who had the potential to be my better half, I kept him. There's a running joke in my family that I dragged my husband into marriage, kicking and screaming. While that's not mostly true, it's also not a complete falsehood, either. Basically I found a fabulous guy who actually thought I was kinda, sorta fabulous too and I hung on. I stuck it out and waited around for him to decide he wanted to marry me. I put up with all his temporary indecision because, after multiple doomed relationships, I knew I had found a guy worth waiting for.

Lastly...
#3. I'm really, reeeallly glad I'm on the other side of things. I'm glad that I can honestly say to all those poor, immature boys who crushed my heart under their converse-clad soles that I am so. happy. with how things ended up. That things are going smashingly for me. I have 3 beautiful, fabulous children who resemble my handsome husband, a husband that actually values me, who thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful...not to mention the fact that I look pretty darn good for having had 3 babies so close together. I loved those boys with all of my heart and soul, each and every one of them, but at the end of the day, I'm so, so, SO glad I didn't marry any of them.

How about y'all? Do you worry about your future teenage children? Any songs or sights that take you right back? Am I the only one who thinks about these sorts of things?

Manic Monday

2010-02-15T19:40:00.004-06:00

Six o'clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
Time to wake up and nurse
My baby just woke us with a scream
Toddler is up
So much for sleeping in
These are the days
When I change diapers again and again

Just another Manic Monday
I wish it were Sunday
Cause that's my fun day
My I don't have to run day
Just another Manic Monday

Breakfast and Elmo
My house is such a pigsty
Baby's screaming
Brother just poked her in the eye
Crying and fussing
Seems to be our new song
Something's burning
What else could go wrong?

Just another Manic Monday
I wish it were Sunday
'Cause that's my "hun" day
He can do the run day
Just another Manic Monday

Dishes, laundry,
"Please pick up all of your toys"
I wonder if messes
Are just inherit in boys
Playing, dancing
I guess I really don't mind
'Cause all of it
Is really just part of the daily grind

Mommy and Daddy Jobs

2010-02-08T08:18:00.004-06:00

I had an interesting conversation with my oldest the other day (he's four). I was explaining how he wasn't allowed to crack the egg in the bowl while we were baking, because it was a Mommy Job (a fairly common term around our house). He clarified that cracking eggs was a Mommy Job and a Daddy Job (which is also a fairly common response of his). Curious, I asked him if there were any jobs that were just Mommy Jobs in his opinion, not Mommy and Daddy Jobs. He thought for a few moments and replied that there weren't, that there were just Mommy and Daddy Jobs.

This got me thinking. I'm raising my children in a fairly traditional household. I stay home with the kids, my husband brings home the bacon. He mows the lawn, I make dinner, etc. However, I think there are some strong differences from previous generations of parents and households. My husband is really and truly involved with our three small children. I don't mean he just waltzes in from work, plays a game of tickle, pats heads all around, and puts his feet up. Oh no, my darling husband is a 100% parent when he's home. That mean he deals with dinnertime tantrums, folds the laundry, bakes bread, puts the little ones to bed, and changes bottoms...and he doesn't even have to ask me where we keep the diaper cream and extra wet wipes. When I'm sick or have a new baby, he doesn't hesitate to step in and take care of everything. Even if my daughters' bows don't match their outfits, he still attempts. While it's true that I do a majority of the housework simply because I'm home during the day, there isn't anything he won't do, given the time and opportunity.

You know what, I gotta say I'm really, really glad that's the way it is in my house. I'm happy that I'm raising a son who believes that Daddys can do anything that Mommys can and vise-versa, yet with the most important traditional roles still in place. That was a huge priority to me when I started a family and I'm pleased that that's one thing I'm accomplishing on my to-teach list. Next up...world peace and potty training ;)

I promise this post isn't just to brag on my fabulous husband (although heaven knows I do plenty of that), instead I have a question for y'all. Is there separate Mommy Jobs and Daddy Jobs in your house or is there just Mommy and Daddy Jobs? Is there anything on you or your hubby's Won't Do list?

The Americans are Coming

2010-01-26T15:15:00.002-06:00

Please read the following article and discuss. (Hee hee - I feel like a teacher handing out an assignment). My opinion will come at the end so as not to sway first impressions.

(CNN) -- There was a phrase, or so we have long been told, that was heard in occupied Europe during World War II.

It was often said as a whisper, the story goes. It had the sound of a prayer.

The words were so simple, but to people who were feeling utterly abandoned and who needed help, those words meant so much.

Four words:

"The Americans are coming."

Sometimes we forget about the power of those words, and about how, for so long, they defined the real meaning of what this country, at its best, could be.

Sometimes, in the midst of all the bad news, in the midst of the mistakes this country inevitably makes, we lose sight of how much the people of the United States are counted on by those in need.

Which is why the humanitarian efforts in Haiti this month, in the wake of the earthquake, have been a reminder of who we are when we strive to find our finest selves.

The relief efforts have been an international undertaking; the heartache on the streets of Haiti has summoned compassionate and heroic assistance from around the globe, all of it deserving of praise and gratitude.

But the United States has been at the forefront, as it has so often seemed to be in so many places when hope was in short supply. It is almost beyond imagining to think what has been in the terrified minds of the citizens of Haiti who have been without water, without food, without a way to rescue their trapped and dying children. When there is nothing left to depend on, when all is desolation and despair, what must the hungry and the hurt wish for as they look into the empty distance?

Someone to care.

Someone to travel many miles, with the will and the means to heal.

The slowness with which medical supplies and water and heavy equipment have reached the people of Haiti has been thoroughly reported. Some of the results of the relief effort have been troubling, beset by bottlenecks and breakdowns under arduous conditions. But this is not about the frustrations in getting the job done. It is about the American impulse to help.

There is nothing particularly controversial, these days, about pointing out the failings of the United States. You can say just about any derogatory thing about the U.S., and it's not especially shocking. We're used to hearing it.

Already, as the tragedy in Haiti continues to unfold, there have been pockets of harsh criticism of America's efforts to help. French Cooperation Minister Alain Joyandet alluded to the United States "occupying" Haiti instead of assisting it. It is not the first time the United States has been chastised, and it will not be the last. The history of the U.S. involvement in Haiti has not always been a happy or unsullied one.

But perhaps we can take just a moment to think about the honor that is inherent in being the ones who, at junctures like this one, are counted on -- the ones who show up, every time.

During World War II, those four words -- "The Americans are coming" -- referred to the armed forces who had traveled across the ocean to liberate the people the Nazis had enslaved. In times of natural disaster, the context is different.

In Haiti the words refer to the 82nd Airborne, yes, but they also refer to the American doctors who are volunteering their time and risking their own safety to soothe the pain of people they had never before met. The words refer to the American volunteers assisting at Haitian orphanages, not giving up on the children who have no families to comfort them. The words refer to the American search-and-rescue teams who work past the point of exhaustion as they seek signs of the living among the rubble, and they refer to the Americans back home who, during difficult economic times in the U.S., have donated their money to help people who, for now, have no way to say thank you.

The focus of the news will shift soon enough -- that shift has already started. There will be other crises, other major stories. We, as a country and as individuals, will continue to be imperfect.

There will be political squabbles and high-decibel partisan fights. We will at times focus on the trivial and the coarse.

At such times, we might do well to pause and recall the sound of those four words.

And to let the words remind us that, when we set our souls to it, we still can aspire to be the hope of the world.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Bob Greene

The opinions expressed in this commentary are also reflective of my opinions (and I think it sad that CNN had to disclose that statement). The fact is that despite all that may be wrong with our country (and the media's immature way of bringing up the country's faults over and over again) we still live in one of the most amazing countries in the world. While it is good to realize our faults and work to improve them, we should not dwell on them. I feel that the media and certain groups are dwelling on the faults and forgetting to see what makes our country so grand. Let us continue to reach out to those in need, remember the freedoms that we enjoy, and be happy to live in a country that is capable of responding to the world's cry for help.

Virtual Baby Shower, part trois

2010-01-18T10:36:00.004-06:00

First off-thank you sooo much girls for all y'all's participation. Seriously made my week. Now, onto our third and final installment...(you'll have to excuse me the added detail compared to the last two. It was my most recent birth and hence the most fresh in my mind).

I woke up on October 28th at about 7, 7:30ish with contractions every 10 minutes or so. I had been contracting off and on for about two weeks, so I wasn't convinced it was labor yet and figured I'd wait and see how things went throughout the day. The contractions were painful-ish all day, but weren't progressing very quickly and I just went about my day. Mid-day, I decided I was in actual labor, but I have a tendency to putter during labor (as my previous posts attested to) and I went about all business as usual. Anyway, about 5:00ish that evening, I started seriously timing my contractions and realized they were speeding up fairly quickly. I started packing up the kids to go with my mom to her house and getting stuff for the hospital and by the time I left for the hospital that evening, my contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart and were hurting a lot. They continued to get much more intense on the drive down to the hospital (a little over an hour away), but actually spread out in time to about 6 minutes apart. I was paranoid about going into the hospital and having contractions that far apart (heaven forbid they mistake me for an antsy first time mom ;), so I convinced my husband to pick up some dinner for himself and fill up the car with gas before we parked at the hospital. I considered stopping at the mall to walk around for a bit...thank heavens we didn't or I definitely would've had a baby somewhere between Famous Footwear and The Gap. When we parked they were still 6 minutes apart. My doctor suspects at that point in time, I was probably dilated to 5-ish cm. Because I wanted to give my contractions a chance to speed up, I had Spencer park in the parking garage (rather than do valet parking at the front of the hospital) and walk to the hospital with me (it's about a 5 minute walk while not in labor). As soon as we started walking (especially with those pesky two flights of stairs ), my contractions sped up like crazy. When I checked in at labor and delivery, it was 8:32pm and my contractions hurt like h**l, but I was surprisingly managing them really well. I had studied up on the Bradley method while pregnant and the method of relaxing your body while it worked through the contractions was working really well for me. Also, I think in large part, my management of the pain was because I seriously thought I had like 6 hours of labor ahead of me (like I did with my previous daughter), so I kept on comparing them to how much more intense they'd be getting, if that makes any sense. Anyway, they put me in triage and the nurse checked me and lo and behold, I was fully dilated. So, I had dilated from a 5ish all the way to a 10 in the time it took me to walk from the car to labor and delivery. That was a very. long. painful. walk. Right after she checked me in triage, I started to feel a little pushy. They immediately moved me over to a delivery room and called my doctor, who arrived all out of breath about 10 minutes later. While we waited for my doctor, I was practically giddy at the thought that I was that close to being done. I seriously had planned on going for so much longer. The nurses couldn't believe how well I was coping, including the fact I was laughing and making jokes in the moments between contractions. I just couldn't get over the fact that I would be having the baby in a few minutes versus a lot of hours, like I had planned on. Anyway, after the doctor got there, I couldn't hold back any longer and two contractions later, we had a baby. I was lucky and didn't have anything more than a little skid mark. My daughter was officially born at 9:31pm, so about an hour after we got to the hospital and about 14 hours after I woke up with contractions that morning. The pushing was by far the most painful part for me. The contractions were very intense, but I just focused on breathing and relaxing my way through them and I somehow was able to stay on top of them pretty well. The pushing...well, let's just say I was glad it only lasted for like five minutes, although I was at least crowning for nearly all of it, so that probably didn't help things any. After birth, however, I just felt so fabulous. I couldn't even believe how great I felt, both physically and emotionally. It was such a high and it was so nice not to have to deal with everything that comes with an epidural and tearing and all that.

Since the little one descended so quickly, there was loads of mucus still in her lungs when she was born (because it didn't have a chance to get squeezed out in the birth canal), so after the first initial holding and cord-cutting, the nurses and pediatrician started to suck out the mucus and fluid. That took about 30-45 min because they were having a hard time keeping her blood-oxygen levels up. They suspected that part of the problem was how upset she was, so they had me nurse her skin to skin. That calmed her right down and helped loads with her blood-oxygen levels. Other than that, however, she was just fine at birth, alert and active, although very blue. She was a perfect little 6lb 12 oz, 19 3/4 inch bundle of perfect.

My third birth was my ideal birth. Really, truly fabulous. It was totally worth the pain in the butt of traveling over an hour to each doctor visit and then the hospital to have my natural VBAC. I realize that it's not an option, or even a desire for everyone to go natural, or even vaginal, but for me, it was absolutely perfect. I could honestly have 5 more just like her, especially considering she really was a good little baby (as long as she was being held, anyway ;). Honestly, I can't wait to try it again.

Virtual Baby Shower, part deux

2010-01-14T21:05:00.000-06:00

And on we go...

My second birth was more to my liking, although there were definite pros and cons. As my daughter was a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), I had to travel well over an hour to get to my doctor and hospital (darn Oklahoma liability insurance restrictions :P). That in and of itself was not super-fun. I had another slow labor start, like I had with my previous birth. I woke up with contractions (about 7:30am), 8 days before my due date, went to Wal-mart (again), went to my little brother's high school graduation that evening, and showed up at the hospital at 1:00/1:30am at 4.5cm dilated. Contractions at this point were waaay more painful then they were with my first baby at a 4. I was crazy with the pain. I guess I just didn't know what to expect and had been so stressed (my husband had graduated and we had moved across the country less then a month before I went into labor) that I just hadn't really prepared. I fought the pain rather then giving into them, if that makes sense

I had a stupid, stupid doctor (my actual doctor was out of town) that was super-anti-VBAC. He actually had the gall to insist that I explain to him why I wanted to go vaginal instead of cesarean (in the middle of a contraction, no less) and then scoff when I said that one of my reasons was that I wanted more than 3 kids. grrr. He acted like I was placing my baby in extreme danger, listed all the tests and monitoring I needed to have done...and then proceeded to only stop by the room once for the rest of labor.

Moving on...I received my epidural at 8 cm dilated. I wondered later if I had known I was so far along if I would've just tried to go natural (they checked me AFTER they gave me the epi). Despite my earlier panicking with the pain, by that point, I felt that I was finally starting to get the hang of things. Whether or not I would've changed it, the epidural gave me a break and a chance to sleep, which was blissful because by this point (3:15-ish am) I was absolutely exhausted. I do think my epidural slowed down the labor by looking at my rate of dilation up to that point, but it really wasn't that big of deal...I got a chance to sleep and there was no harm done. One thing, though, was the the epidural didn't take well on one side, so we kept on bumping the dosage in the hopes it would even things out a bit...which is sort of did, but it also made me completely numb from the waist-down. I couldn't even feel any sort of pressure).

Anyway, fast forward a few hours and I'm ready to push. The doctor came in (this would be the first time I had seen him since he condescendingly dismissed me earlier) and had me push once. I was in a horrible position (not quite flat, but definitely not having gravity helping at all), with absolutely no help or direction from the nurse and didn't push very effectively that first try. He decided it'd be quite a while before I delivered, so he left...as in he left the hospital and went home. Well, as soon as he left, a different nurse came into the room and she actually knew what she was doing. She encouraged my husband and mother to hold up my legs, helped me sit up a little more, and told me to avoid pushing with my thighs...and around 20 minutes later, at 7:25 am, we had a baby (which, if you're keeping track, is about 24 hours from when I woke up with contractions the day before). At this point in time, there was no doctor in the room. There were only a couple of frantic nurses paging the new doctor who was still changing into her scrubs and what-not. The doctor who arrived was fairly upset with how the whole thing was handled...especially since I ended up with 3rd degree tearing because of the lack of a doctor there to help things move a bit more gently. yeeeouch. My recovery, while definitely easier then my c-section, was still pretty darn painful.

Overall, I was pretty happy with my first daughter's birth. While there were definitely things I didn't love about it (did I mention how much I abso-friggin'-lutely disliked my doctor?), it was very much a step in the right direction for me. One of the things I loved best about her birth was that I was finally able to test my body and see if it could really, truly, manage to push that proverbial watermelon out of the lemon-sized gap. I was more than a little excited and relieved to see that it, in fact, could.

Come on, y'all. I just sound stupid if I'm the only one posting birth stories. Aubrey has heard all mine already :P

ps-thanks Aubrey, Steph, and Holly for your previous input!

pps-Here's a humorous side note: I couldn't find a good spot for in the story: In the moment right after the birth, when I found out my baby was actually a girl, I was so completely and utterly relieved. T hat was truly my first thought..."Thank Heavens she's a girl". Let's just say I had A LOT of pink things on hand and my husband had been torturing me mercilessly with loads of blue-related "what-ifs".

Vitual Baby Shower (minus the gifts and quiche)

2010-01-11T20:01:00.009-06:00

As my co-blogger, Aubrey, wrote in our last post, she welcomed an adorable baby girl into the world (well, if you want to be technical, she was writing about her intent to welcome said baby...I can now assure you she did in fact, actually have that baby). As I'm a few hundred miles away from my best girlfriend (and her pink bundle of joy), I missed out on all the fun and excitement of a real life baby shower. So, I figured I'd bring my very favorite part of the fabulous baby shower I couldn't give her to our blog. Ok...second favorite (it's really hard to have a cheesecake and quiche through the internet)...The Birth Stories. You know what I'm talking about. Bring a random group of women together, throw in a pregnant lady with imminent birth approaching and you know that every single one of them is going to relish in telling a birth story (or two...or three... ;).

I don't know why I love birth stories so much, I just do. Maybe it's because my three births were so distinct and different from each other. It could be because I have a penchant for reliving my most painful moments in the knowledge that I did, in fact, live through them. It could be my hope that passing on my experiences could possibly help some bewildered first time mom. I'd like to believe that it has something to do with the joy each of us find in bringing a child into the world in our own unique way, yet still forging a connection to the millions of women that have done it before us.

And this, dear readers, is where you come in. Come on...you know you want to...

To get the ball rolling, I'll start. I figure I'll post my first birth story now and then in a day or two, I'll post the next and so on. That way, you y'all will have three chances to post a story, rather then just the one. Like I said, I REALLY want some participation here.

Here goes:

My oldest was my c-section baby. I'd had an extremely uncomfortable pregnancy, so it came as no surprise that his birth was the same way. Little man turned breech at 36 weeks and was too big to find his way back around. As I was a first time mom, my doctor recommended I do a cesarean, rather then attempt to turn the baby. Looking back now, I don't know if I would've gone that direction if I knew then what I know now...but no use crying over spilled milk. Anyway, I woke up at 7:00am, 6 days before my due date, with light contractions that continued throughout the day. They never became super-regular, so I didn't think I should go into the hospital. Silly, I know, considering I was a c-section mom, but I guess I just had the 4 minutes apart rule so ingrained in me that it's like it never occurred to me to go in. Anyway, I picked up my mom from the airport (she was luckily scheduled to arrive that day), went out to Carraba's with her, my aunts, and our husbands (best. meal. ever.), made a quick trip to Wal-mart, and hit the hospital at 11:30 pm. I was then at 4 cm and was in pain, but nothing too bad. They stopped my labor and scheduled a c-section for the next morning (they would've operated then, but I had had a big meal). Morning came, I was sicker then a dog (they wouldn't let me eat anything, which stirred up my still-present morning sickness) and my contractions were returning. At 8:08 am, my 8 lbs, 8.5 oz baby boy was taken from my body. It was not the happiest moment of my life. I was too busy throwing up into a basin (the pain meds were giving me extreme nausea on top of the aforementioned morning sickness) while having my body strapped down to the table. Sooo not fun. Even more not fun was that my father-in-law was watching the whole thing (so not my idea) and would forever refer to my son's birth as a "slice 'em and dice 'em." I was super-groggy for a while and didn't even get to hold my son for the next few hours. I was desperate for him by the time they brought him to meet me. Recovery was long. and painful. Not to mention the tell-tale trademark c-section perma-belly I have to show for it. The whole thing wasn't exactly something that I was eager to repeat.

That all being said, I'm still so, so grateful that in today's day and age, we have the medical knowledge to bring my baby safely into the world, no matter his position or weight. Truly miraculous. And you know what, despite the fact that the doctor took him from my body instead of me pushing him out myself, it was still a birth in every sense of the word. I had grown my son inside of me for nine months and then I gave him up into the coldness and harshness of the world, protecting him as best as I could with my arms and my heart. And that is, after all, what birth is about.

And you?
(ok, ok, if you don't want to type out the whole story, just give me some of the highs and lows, overall feelings about the birth, the basic stats, etc.)

Keeping My Eye on the Prize

2010-01-02T21:44:00.002-06:00

With the approach of my due date for baby #2 days away, I have found that it has been on my mind a lot. Mainly because I have a scheduled cesarean section looming on the horizon. I'm not particularly thrilled about this option and have struggled this whole pregnancy with the fact that I would have to deliver via c-section. My anxiety has progressively worsened with each day as I've dwelt on all the not-so-fun things that come with a c-section. I realized pretty quickly that I needed to change thought tactics before a panic attack hit full force. That's when I remembered how excited I was to see my baby boy for the first time and hold his little body that I had just spent 9 months growing. Remembering that made me excited to meet this baby and a lot of my anxious feelings drifted out the window. However, thinking about all this led me to a few things I would like to say to anyone who cares.

First, are to the mothers who have had or just found out they will need the unexpected c-section. Maybe you just found out your baby is transverse, maybe you labored for hours to only have it end in a c-section, or maybe you or the baby is a high risk and you need this c-section. You will most likely have feelings at one point that you are a failure. That you have somehow malfunctioned as a woman. I struggled with thoughts like these with my son and again with this baby when it became apparent that a VBAC was not an option. It's okay to have these feelings, just do no dwell on them. Realize that you spent 9 months building that baby just like every other mother out there and you will spend the rest of your life raising this child and it really doesn't matter how the baby arrived in the world. Besides, cesareans are rather traumatic to the body and you and I both know that it wasn't any walk in the park.

Second, to the women who are friends to those of us who have had c-sections. We do not want to hear how "lucky" or "easy" it is for us. Would you want someone to tell you how easy you had it during labor and delivery? Then why do you think we want to hear that? Sure we get to "schedule" the arrival of our baby, but that's pretty much the only benefit. And in all honesty, I'm kind of bummed out that I don't get to have that surprise arrival. Cesareans are in no way easy. It is a rather invasive surgery (I will let you do your own research as to how invasive I mean), that they keep you awake for, while you are strapped down and helpless waiting for the arrival of your child. You don't get to hold your child for at least the first hour, you're put on bed rest for the first day so if you want to hold your baby you have to have someone bring them to you, and you have to handle all the fun post-recovery stuff. Let's just all agree that bringing children into the world is no picnic and be supportive and sympathetic to each other.

Last, to the fathers out there. Your wife is going to need you now more than ever. She is going to need your support both physically and emotionally. In the surgery room she will need you there supporting her and encouraging her, and when the baby comes out she will not be able to hold it. She needs to know that you are wrapping it in love and attention. She will also need you to be her voice. If she looks exhausted kindly tell visitors to come back later, read her wants and desires, if there is ever a time to pay full attention to your wife now is the time.

In the end it is important to keep your eye on the prize. Meeting that beautiful, perfect child for the first time is why we women do it over and over again. I know I can't wait to meet my beautiful baby girl.

bringing sexy back

2009-12-21T09:47:00.012-06:00

I was goofing off with my husband yesterday evening (you know, joking, playful banter, come hither eyes, that sort of thing) and I had an epiphany of sorts...

I've lost my flirt.

There was a not-so-distant time when flirting was something that came as natural to me as breathing. Heaven knows I'd bat my eyes at anything male, homo sapien optional. It didn't matter who they were: the potential husband at church, the awkward teenage grocery store checker, the extra-helpful mailman, or the not-so-cute boy next door. I'd give 'em a smile, a giggle, and attempt to make their day. That's truly what it was about too...making them feel special and having a good time. It wasn't sexual in nature at all, heck attraction was completely optional, it was just a whole lot of fun. I didn't even think about it...I just did.

Fast forward a half a decade, give or take, and you find me now. Here I am, married with little ones, and nary a hair toss in sight. Even with my husband, who I love dearly, flirting is something I have to consciously focus on doing. Why? When and how did it become so hard to banter and wink? Where's my wit? Where's my sparkle? I'm not sure where the flirt has gone...but I'm going to get it back.

But, you might exclaim, You're a married woman! So true. Don't worry, I'm not going to attempt to seduce the first poor man that stumbles across my path with fishnets and stilettos. I'm thinking more along the lines of bringing out the playful banter a little more often, smiling at the clerk at Target, and not being afraid to sway my hips while I push the stroller down the street. I'd love it if when my husband makes some less-then-funny attempt at humor, I'd giggle a bit instead of rolling my eyes and being annoyed. Really, I guess just want to feel feminine again. And that, ladies, is my goal. In the immortal words of Justin Timberlake, "I'm bringing sexy back."

ps-any thoughts or suggestions on how exactly one does that would be much appreciated.